Warned by BF's friend

[Oxycarpus]

I met a female friend of my BF for the first time last weekend. She was with her male friend and we spent a couple of hours in their company. As we left and when my BF was out of earshot, she caught my attention and said "be careful" twice. I nodded but now I'm in a quandry about what to do next. We've been together 5 months and he seems a gentle man and we get on well. I feel like I should press for more information as this is some kind of mysterious cryptic message if I don't. I've started to imagine what demons are in his cupboard.

Cryptic. When I met my late DH one of his friend's wives warned me against him as he had upset her friend (30+ years previously) by breaking off their relationship to go out with someone else. I took no notice. We were happy till the day he died - 29 years - he was generous and kind and could also cook. Friend's wife didn't like late DH.
I'd try to ask what this woman meant - it could be genuine, it could be that she wants him free for herself, or she may just not like him.

I’d ask your boyfriend! You’re in a. Relationship with him and you should be able to have an open conversation with him. I don’t get all this going behind his back to speak to her
im sorry but if it was serious enough for Claire’s law she would have told you more seriously and clearly not cryptically

I would say if this has caused your spidey sensors to tingle, you can make an enquiry under Claires law with the police. He need never know and then you can also start looking into this female friend on the side. X

I mean she’s still friends with him so he can’t be that bad. I certainly wouldn’t be friends with someone I had to “warn” people of.

Most likely scenario is she has feelings for him.

I would Claire’s law this tbh.

I actually do know someone who has a history of repeated DV - the insidious kind where they never get reported. He is very charming so unless his friends have direct experience of it, he can explain it all away. So yes, he does have friends, but they may also know he 'doesn't treat his girlfriends very well'.

Agree.

Just ask your boyfriend for her number!!! All you’ve got to say is that you wanted to stay in touch with her. It’s not difficult

Just ask for her number, you'd like to get together again.

Could you perhaps say you told her about a website or an event and promised to send her the details but forgot to take her number?

I would always take a warning from a female friend seriously. There are so many things it could be that wouldn’t stop her hanging out with him, but would make her want to warn another woman. Gambling, drug use, someone who cheats, etc.

How odd.

Personally, I wouldn’t be friends with a man I felt had any traits or behaviours I felt I had to warn other women about.

If they aren’t very close I’d maybe just find a way to ask her but if they’re good friends I’d probably just duck the whole situation as it sounds confusing & likely to cause you drama.

Its different being a friend of an abusive man to a girlfriend of an abusive man

I would also try to find out her contact info as PPs have said. I would take it as a serious warning, I feel like shit stirring would come with more details (ironically). I wouldn’t be friends with someone that I had to warn other women about but there could be a number of reasons why she is. I wouldn’t speak to my boyfriend first - it’s pretty unlikely he’d just happily tell you that he’s abusive/a rapist/controlling/a cheat etc.

What about asking the police details as in Clare's Law? Better safe than sorry.

Do you think you will be seeing her again at a social event anytime soon

She may have just meant don’t slip in heels on this carpet. I would send her a message if it was nothing you can laugh, if it is something more serious at least you can work out what to do

I was warned 'be careful' about an ex by a well meaning friend of his. I wish I'd paid more attention as the relationship ended in court with assault charges and a restraining order.

Either she’s warning you to be careful around him, or she’s warning you not to hurt him. And there’s absolutely no way to tell unless you speak to her again.

Could you perhaps say you told her about a website or an event and promised to send her the details but forgot to take her number? This is a good idea. You don’t even need to meet up with her that way. And if she fobs you off and tells you she didn’t mean it, it would be a very good idea to make a request under Claire’s Law, just in case.

I find it so strange that so many people are assuming this women wants him for herself. What a sad outlook.

I must say it would concern me.

She could mean that he has a track record of being a player or it could be something more (abuse).

Whatever it is I think I would try to get her contact details and speak to her further.

It sounds like too much drama anyway so I would take a step back if I were you.

I would tell your BF that you ladies talked about an online store that sold X item you're crazy about but you forgot the name of said online store and would like to wassap her and ask her for the link, make it look casual.

Could she not mean that you need to behave yourself or she'll be gunning for you?

I think it's probably a way of telling you to stay aware.

As in, if you see anything that gives you cause for concern, don't ignore it

I would get a Claire's law check. I can't think of any other reason why she would take the trouble to warn you to be careful and until you get the results of that, for goodness sake don't ask HIM why she said it! It might be dangerous for her and for you.

Was it definitely be careful OF him? Or be careful WITH him? Just if the former it's so odd not to give context, like are you supposed to be checking for suspicious behaviour and cheating, or being on guard because he is violent?