I married a very nice person thinking my love for her well grow with time. Now I don't know how to become single again.

[desolatelover]

I'm from originally from South Asia, but I've built my life in Europe. I never really found true love. Some how, my luck never favoured me in terms of romance.

At the age of 33, I decided that I'll try something different because I didn't want to be single anymore. I decided to marry from the country of my origin, through the help of my mother. She asked me to meet this girl. I felt she was a nice down-to-earth person, not high maintenance. Most importantly I felt that she was really into me. I could feel that she really liked me (many women did tell me that apparently I'm handsome). That was always very important to me, that the girl has to be head over heels about me. But I never really found her that attractive, facially. But I thought beauty fades with age and hopefully love will grow in time.

However, after 5 years of marriage, love isn't in my heart for her. In fact, first 2 years I felt great deal of affection for her but now if I could, without breaking her heart, I'd divorce her.

I've tried to give her the best possible life I could. She moved with me in Europe. We traveled many countries together. Before marriage, I had promised that her studies won't be affected. I kept that promise. I helped her getting as much educated as possible since she's been here. I always encourage her to learn skills so she can also build a career.

She also really wanted a baby. It got very complicated. We had to try a lot of medicines because of her PCOS. Now she's pregnant. But truth be said, I have been regretting marrying her just after the first 2 years of our marriage. But it's not her fault. She's a truly loving wife, always wanting to make me happy. And that's why I didn't ask for divorce because I can't break her heart. That's why I wanted to do the best I could for her. Even with the baby, I did my best to help her because she was getting really depressed, feeling she was an incomplete woman, incapable of being a mother.

But deep in my heart I don't feel love for her. In our country divorce is a devastating matter. It's like killing a woman. I feel deep regret not thinking about what a grave deed I was committing into by getting into a marriage from that country. I feel guilty of marrying her and failing to truly love her.

Now, I feel may be I just don't know how to love women the way they would like to be and I realise more and more that I'm actually happier single. Before getting married I was single and alone for 11 years, only visiting my family every few years. I guess it's just my nature to be alone, I'm a loner.

I'd like to be free and single again. I've been to nearly 40 countries. I just would like to travel and explores beauties of the world and not bother about love anymore.

But now I don't know how to get out of this marriage without breaking the heart of a person who has been so loving and kind to me. I'm totally at a loss.

I'm glad you feel guilty, what a horrible human being you are. She deserves so much better.

There's an expression, you make your bed and lie in it. Also known as meeting your responsibilities which include behaving like a father to your child and a decent human being to your wife.

Life isn't all Bollywood dance routines and roses as your wife is presumably well aware by now.

Typical South Asian man - chill with the me me me

How can you and your wife be happy? What a stupid question. That's why you haven't had any replies.

She wants you to love her, she wants you to be a good father to your child. If your can't do that then she can't be happy.

You want to put yourself first, your 'happiness' before responsibility. Your sound less mature than my sixteen year old!

Has it occurred to you that she finds you an insufferable prick? On the small amount of info you’ve provided here I think you are. She may be against a divorce because of cultural reasons but once she is rid of you she can go on to find happiness elsewhere. With someone not so obsessed with themselves maybe.

let the poor woman be free of you.

This is the best reply here. Better than all the replies put together.

In fact, she'll also my family helping her too. My mom and sister will be visiting us in Europe to help her with the baby birth and after that her own mother will visit her to continue helping her. After that my plan is that she stays with her family mostly and but also can stay with my mom. Both sides of our families love kids and they will help her. I just hope she's okay with that.

And no I understand better that I actually don't like human company much. So, adultery is out of question too. I've always had my mom expecting shit from me my whole life. So I'd rather be alone than meeting their expectations all the time.

May be you're right about relationships, I don't know. But at the end of the day, I just like being alone, keeping myself busy with work, travelling and enjoying the many different things life has to offer. Relationships eventually disappear with age, some die, some get busy and then it leaves you sad. And some relationships just end up making you feel betrayed. So, I'm done with relationships. I just wish I knew it better before marrying her.

Yes!!! He says he can financially provide (though he comes across incredibly unintelligent so let's assume he won the lottery or something), so he can pay her and her child loads of money and let her meet the man of her dreams and live happily as a new family, but on this idiot's money.

So you created a life but now you expect the women around you to care for that person whilst you swan off to have some ‘me time’? You’re a joke of a man. Your mum should have swallowed.

Exactly how did I emphasise my self-importance? I never rated myself. That's why I try to avoid people, because dealing with people requires lots of skills.

The fact is you women get angry when you feel men are less than 100%. My wife wanted the baby I didn't. I know I made the mistake of marrying. But I want to find a way so that both my wife and I can live a relatively happy life.

Well she's the one claims I've been always super supportive to her and she doesn't want any other man. I did tentatively suggest divorce to her many times but she said she couldn't imagine with any other man with her. She's also very religious. She said if she marries any other man after me, she can't have me in heaven.

Now you will claim I'm narcissistic for saying these. Apparently you guys know everything about the person I'm.

Less than 100%? 😶You appear to operating on an infinitesimally small percentage of decency for any mammal let alone an adult human.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

gosh. Did your wife get herself pregnant then did she? Quite a miracle.

“The fact is” ”you women” and “dealing with people” says it all tbh. Your sound arrogant, ignorant, and a lot of hard work.

your choices are simple, stay and be selfish, leave and be selfish. Neither will polish up your character. Good luck.

She is the one who desperately wanted it. I told her many times, "you will have to do most of the raising because you want it to so much". I have been pretty honest to her about my feelings regarding children.

This can't possibly be real. No man is so creepy, pathetic, and selfish.

Well, I took care of in every way, financially, emotionally. I never wanted the child, she wanted it because she wanted to feel complete as a woman. Why should I be expected to be parenting when I was fine with being childless?

You're about to be a dad, your happiness isn't the priority here. Even if you divorced her (which I don't think you should if this will cause her shame in your culture), you still won't be free and single. You will still have equal responsibility for the life you both created.

There is no way to shirk your responsibilities as a dad without being an awful person. The baby that you voluntarily made deserves a father... not someone who visits from another country every now and then, but a fully involved, caring, hands on dad.

What a pathetic little man.

You had unprotected sex, knowing this would result in a child.

YOUR child is YOUR responsibility.

What a wanker.

You are not ‘less than 100%’, you are scum, 0%. What sort of a man deliberately creates a child and then decides they won’t raise them? At all.

At the end of the day the child will leave home after being an adult. Humans are ungrateful characters. I have experienced that from life already. I'm pretty sure the child will also disappoint me when they grow up too. So, I'm just not sure how much worth it to invest so much time of my life on a child.

Yes, the baby has been conceived because my wife was so desperate for that. But I'm not sure how much I want to be part of the raising.

Divorce is irrelevant.

It's the fact that you're willing to abandon your own child that indicates what a disgraceful, pathetic little creature you are.

What will he/she think of you, as they grow up? Their dad opted out because he wasn't adult enough, despite opting in to make the child in the first place.

Your family will feel such shame.

I wish that too that my wife left me. I won't disagree there.

How could the child disappoint you? You are turning your back on your wife and don’t want your child. There is nothing to impress there, the bar is already on the floor

You want to leave a woman whose culture means she could be ostracised due to divorce? Are you in the UK now? Is she part if a community that accepts divorce? Does she have a good support network?
You're actually awful to divorce her for being exactly what she was when you chose to marry her, especially if that means she could be left with out support from her family and community and have really limited prospects for another relationship.
Do you plan on paying for your child if you leave?

My mother is delighted about the baby. Well it's fulfilling another of her expectations, why won't she be? She knows I don't love my wife. But she said, "marriage is about fate. You have to accept it". She'll visit us during the birth of the baby.

Yeah, we're not going anywhere while she's pregnant. I'm already bored and depressed being caged in this city.

But in your South Asian culture, you presumably would have been expected to marry and have children as well, so it’s not just her.

Let’s say she was your ideal woman, physically attractive, gave you the space you needed and also didn’t want children - wouldn’t that be difficult for your families who would have hoped for you both to have children as well? Wouldn’t you still get pressurised as a couple?

I think all along, you have been trying to go along with expectations when you haven’t been that communicative or transparent about what you really wanted. But as you say, the social costs of divorce for your wife is quite high. I would probably live with it - perhaps get a bigger house where you can have space and continue with your travels. It doesn’t sound like your wife wants to live in South Asia?