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Relationships

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GF left me when I came out to her as bisexual, are there any women who would be ok dating a bi man?

187 replies

ThrowawayAccount2 · 10/08/2025 15:45

So I was dating a woman for 5 months and I decided to tell her that I was bisexual but hetromantic (meaning that your sexually attracted to both but only see yourself in relationships with the opposite sex). She then said that its a turn off, gross and that she cant date a man who is bisexual.

I know we all have preferences but are there any women who wouldnt mind or even prefer it?

By the way im 27 and she was the only girl that I dated, I've never been with a man before but I dont see myself ever being with a man long term.

OP posts:
DabOfPistachio · 11/08/2025 13:16

It wouldn't bother me at all. I've dated bi men in the past and its not been an issue.

Crushed23 · 11/08/2025 13:30

SimpleBitch · 11/08/2025 13:10

yes it would bother me hugely

This.

Under no circumstances would I date a bisexual man. Same goes for each and every one of my female friends (we’re millennials so a little older than OP, if it matters).

The episode of Sex & the City in which Carrie is uncomfortable that the guy she is dating has had sex with men, has ex-boyfriends etc. is often cited as an example of the series having ‘not aged well’, whereas I think that particular episode is still on point in 2025. Most heterosexual women do not want to date a man who has sex with men.

Crushed23 · 11/08/2025 13:33

ShowOfHands · 11/08/2025 12:31

No. The man is not tainted. Simply his sexual preferences do not align with some women's sexual preferences.

I am in complete agreement that judging a person based on their sexuality is phobic, except when it pertains to your decision to date that person. Romantic and sexual attraction are necessarily prejudiced. If your judgement extends beyond that choice then it's problematic but simply having a dating preference is not rank homophobia.

Totally agree.

Sexual preferences cannot ever be policed. Everyone is un-PC (for want of a better word) when it comes to sexual presences. Be it preferring a particular height, dress size, or hair colour, or a particular sexuality, race or gender identity.

chattyness · 11/08/2025 13:34

SupposesRoses · 10/08/2025 16:27

Yes, it is biphobic to change your opinion of the man you have been dating for 5 months based only on his orientation. It would be like finding out he had a different religion or ethnicity than she had assumed and immediately breaking up with him. It’s pure prejudice, nothing to do with consent at all. You can break up with someone because of your own bigotry, you don’t have to consent to anything you don’t want with anyone, but you can’t expect to behave like a bigot and never be called one.

What a complete load of twaddle! Don't try to justify a lie by framing it as bigotry. If a man doesn't tell you he's BI then he's lying to you / misleading you by omitting the truth, the same with religion if he doesn't tell you his true beliefs then your relationship is a lie. What else could he be lying about now or in the future? It's not bigotry or prejudice, it's a reason, the breakdown of trust.Without trust you have nothing.

Sundaybananas · 11/08/2025 14:14

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 11/08/2025 13:02

Yes - there are biphobic comments all the way through the thread. No comments anywhere about forcing anyone into a relationship though. except that if you’re saying that a woman refusing to be in a relationship with a man is biphobic, then you are forcing the notion of having to be in a relationship with a bisexual person.

You can’t force anyone into any kind of relationship, but there is plenty of suggestion that not being in one with someone who is bisexual makes that person a biphobic bigot.

Yes. But I am not saying that. It’s being used as a straw man argument.

Voxon · 11/08/2025 16:26

Sundaybananas · 11/08/2025 11:24

"As you are bisexual, you will never be a good fit with a biphobic woman. Plenty of non-biphobic women in your age range though (although probably not many posting on MN)"

Was said about OP’s ex. Based on what OP has said (that she thought being bi was gross) so would seem to be biphobic.

"As you can tell from a lot of the answers OP it’s because there are still a huge percentage of people who are biphobic"

Yes - there are biphobic comments all the way through the thread. No comments anywhere about forcing anyone into a relationship though.

People are perfectly allowed to find the thought of their boyfriend having sex with another man "gross" and it doesn't make them anything phobic.

I can list 500 things I'd find gross if a partner was into it. It’s a personal sexual boundary. We are allowed to have those.

Biphobia is prejudice or discrimination against bisexual people because of their sexuality.

Simply finding a specific act unappealing or even completely gross, whether it’s same-sex, opposite-sex, or anything else - is about your preferences, not discrimination or bigotry.

I'd find the thought of my husband kissing another man gross. I don't find the thought of two men kissing dusgusting generally because that has nothing to do with my personal sex life.

I know my son has kissed other men, and I don't give a fuck because he's not my partner.

We are all entitled to decide what we find sexy, what we find unappealing and even what we find gross.

Please stop trying to shame and label people. You can have sex with whomever you want in whatever ways they consent to and that's entirely your business, as it is for everyone else to.

Voxon · 11/08/2025 16:35

I’d add that my sister is going through the same nonsense - she’s a lesbian, and apparently deciding she doesn’t want to have sex with men now makes her a “bigot.”

This tactic of slapping women with labels to shame them into doing what they’re told is wearing thin. Hopefully most of us have wised up to it by now. I agree with someone upthread that it's a form of rape culture.

The goal is basically to shift from "sorry, she doesn't fancy you" to casting her as a bigot or shamefully dysfunctional in some way. It's absolutely absurd and something wen should practice saying "no" to

You are allowed to be attracted to who you’re attracted to, and to find whatever you like appealing or unappealing.

Sexual attraction is personal, not a political quota. Dating and sex aren’t equal-opportunity programme - you don’t owe anyone access to your body, your time, or your desire.

OP there's plenty of women who'll be fine with your sexual orientation. Just be honest. I'd be angry if someone had hidden something significant like this from me, because it would remove my agency to say "no".

Women don't owe you a date, sex or a relationship but if you are having sex or a relationship with anyone they you do owe them honesty so they can make informed choices.

Lampzade · 11/08/2025 16:48

Voxon · 11/08/2025 16:26

People are perfectly allowed to find the thought of their boyfriend having sex with another man "gross" and it doesn't make them anything phobic.

I can list 500 things I'd find gross if a partner was into it. It’s a personal sexual boundary. We are allowed to have those.

Biphobia is prejudice or discrimination against bisexual people because of their sexuality.

Simply finding a specific act unappealing or even completely gross, whether it’s same-sex, opposite-sex, or anything else - is about your preferences, not discrimination or bigotry.

I'd find the thought of my husband kissing another man gross. I don't find the thought of two men kissing dusgusting generally because that has nothing to do with my personal sex life.

I know my son has kissed other men, and I don't give a fuck because he's not my partner.

We are all entitled to decide what we find sexy, what we find unappealing and even what we find gross.

Please stop trying to shame and label people. You can have sex with whomever you want in whatever ways they consent to and that's entirely your business, as it is for everyone else to.

Exactly

TwistedWonder · 11/08/2025 17:26

@Voxon

My nice has had the same shit. She’s a lesbian and been told the fact she isn’t into dating ‘transbians’ makes her a genital obsessed transphobe who should be ostracised from the community.

It smacks of older lesbians bro g told they just hadn’t had the right dick yet - apparently now as long as its ’girl dick’ then lesbians should be up for it.

It’s absolutely disgusting rape culture trying to shame women for having sexual preferences.

MsDDxx · 11/08/2025 18:54

No, because I like dominant men and I would feel like I would be expected to take on some of that role with a bisexual man. Probably wrong of me to think like that but I can’t get past those thoughts.

Sundaybananas · 11/08/2025 19:15

@Voxon Im sorry your sister has encountered that. It seems very odd that anyone has said she is a bigot if she doesn’t want to have sex with men. Are you sure you aren’t confusing it with people accusing her of being transphobic if she doesn’t want to have sex with trans identifying men? I can see why that would make you angry. It would make me angry too.

However I still think saying someone being bisexual is gross is biphobic, the same way I would think saying someone being gay or lesbian is gross is homophobic.

Voxon · 11/08/2025 19:26

Sundaybananas · 11/08/2025 19:15

@Voxon Im sorry your sister has encountered that. It seems very odd that anyone has said she is a bigot if she doesn’t want to have sex with men. Are you sure you aren’t confusing it with people accusing her of being transphobic if she doesn’t want to have sex with trans identifying men? I can see why that would make you angry. It would make me angry too.

However I still think saying someone being bisexual is gross is biphobic, the same way I would think saying someone being gay or lesbian is gross is homophobic.

There is a big difference between saying someone bisexual or homosexual is gross and saying you find someone you're having sex with being bisexual to be gross.

I think you need to see the difference between bigotry and hate and simply saying "yuk, that's not for me", which we are all entitled to feel about anything in our sex lives.

What my sisters experienced isn't odd - it's become very standard. A young American lesbian singer was rolled over the coals and accused of transphobia a few days ago for saying she didn't like cock. Which is something a lesbian is certainly entitled too.

And for the record, my sister finds cock disgusting. Not because she's a mysandrist, bit because she's a lesbian.

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