GF left me when I came out to her as bisexual, are there any women who would be ok dating a bi man?

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So I was dating a woman for 5 months and I decided to tell her that I was bisexual but hetromantic (meaning that your sexually attracted to both but only see yourself in relationships with the opposite sex). She then said that its a turn off, gross and that she cant date a man who is bisexual.

I know we all have preferences but are there any women who wouldnt mind or even prefer it?

By the way im 27 and she was the only girl that I dated, I've never been with a man before but I dont see myself ever being with a man long term.

It’s not the same.

I would be concerned as to why you’re telling me this 5 months in especially when you haven’t been with a man before. I would be concerned it’s because you’d want to explore that option at some point. Otherwise why tell me at this stage? I actually quite like very muscley men (something my partner is not) but I don’t feel the need to announce that to him because why does he need to know that? I don’t plan on sleeping with another other than my partner. I don’t feel the need to share with him the types of men I would find attractive. If I suddenly announced this, and it was something he isn’t then he would be concerned as to why I’m bringing it up now.

This is something you should bring up at the start.

If he’d been going to church with you for 5 months and telling you he’s Catholic, then suddenly he said he’s Muslim actually, that would be an excellent reason to break up with him that has nothing to do with being Islamophobic.

Do you think those men sit there with a blond girlfriend and say just so you know I am really attracted to brunettes? How do you think their girlfriend would take that? Why does he need to tell her that?

Personally OP I'd be completely ok with it - I have dated bi men in the past. I'm also pretty open about non-monogamy and dating someone who might be keen to sleep with other people (as long as they use protection of course). Perhaps you need someone similarly open-minded?

Total non issue for me. I think people who have an issue with it are really weird🤷‍♀️

She might have taken it differently if you hadn't of lied for 5 months.

Put bisexual on the dating apps next time you're on them. It's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

There are many women who will like you for who you are. Don't settle.

The bi thing wouldn't bother me.

You not telling me would though. I'd want to know straight away.

I'm sure there are lots. I'm not one of them, so I would also end the relationship. You will need to be upfront about this, then I think that you will have the best chance to meet the right person.

I'm twice OP's age.

I would happily date a bisexual chap in his 50s, who'd had relationships with men & women.

I'd assume he was interested in me, & that we'd be great together until we weren't, & if he buggered off with someone else, male or female, or if I did, or if we just didn't work out, well...sad times. It happens.

OP has had one girlfriend at age 27, & never dated a man. Absolutely fine, of course, but I reckon he should give it a try with dating men AND women.

Right now, if I were a 25-35ish woman in his dating pool, I'd be put off simply because it's obviously important to him that he fancies men too, so he should be exploring that. I don't think I'd view him as ready to settle down with anyone, just yet. Which would put me off getting into a serious relationship with him.

If we were FWBs or casually seeing each other on a non exclusive basis, I'd have no problem whatsoever with him being bi.

I think it's wrong to ever label someone as "phobic" or bigoted because they don't want to date someone with certain characteristics or behaviours. We are all completely free to decide who we are attracted to and we do not owe anybody anything on that front.

I couldn't date someone who was shorter than me.

I couldn't date a blonde man.

I couldnt date someone who was a lads lad.

I couldn't date someone who had long hair.

I couldn't date someone who dressed certain ways.

I couldn't date someone who'd kissed or had sex with men.

Because I couldn't find those characteristics or behaviours sexually or romantically attractive.

That's everyone's choice.

I'm sure you'll find plenty of women attracted to you, but just be honest up front.

One of those is not like the others though, and that's the thing I don't understand about not being attracted to bisexual men.

You can see a man's hair colour or height immediately. You can see whether he behaves laddishly within a few minutes. That's what attraction is based on, to me - the his face/body and personality. Over a bit more time you can develop more attraction as you get to know his personality and character better.

Being attracted to men doesn't fall into any of those categories. You can't tell from looking at a man whether he's bisexual or has had sex with men previously. Nor does that tell you anything about his character.

So you can become attracted to a man for his looks, his personality and how he treats you - without ever knowing whether he's had sex with men in the past. And learning that one thing would really be enough to override everything else you were attracted to? Even after years of a happy relationship? I don't get it.

What it reminds me of is the type of man who discovers that a woman he fancies has actually had a more varied sexual history than he has, and suddenly deems her a dirty slut. Pure misogyny. I'm not denying their - or your - actual feelings of revulsion; I'm saying they come from a place of prejudice rather than substance.

It's also funny to me because from years of talking to gay friends, there are many, many more men who now live straight lives who have experimented with other men in the past. Straight women who've done this usually talk about it openly - it's a mainstream cultural trope at this point! - straight men are shamed into keeping it a secret. Perhaps that's a reason bisexual men might take until later life to actually accept that part of themselves.

To answer the thread question, yes I would date a bi man and in fact I'd actively find it a turn-on.

First post nails it.

Hetromantic - never heard of that before.

It's up to you what things turn you on or off. Whether they are things you see immediately or not.

That's called consent.

Nobody has a right to tell anyone who they should or should not be attracted to.

Of course there are. Including women who are bi themselves.

I would say though that to avoid having your time wasted It is better to mention you are bi from the start so people you want to date can make an informed decision.

Unfortunately biphobia is real and it comes from both straight and gay people...

I always find it silly when people assume that I you are bi you are more like to cheat/be promiscuous/non-monogamous/never be satisfied with one partner. Complete nonsense but you do come across with many people who have this belief.

No you haven’t got it now, I said “you’ll want to go and try being with a man at some point or you’d cheat on me with a man.” That does not say all bi sexuals are cheaters nor does it say my mind jumped to the hypothetical bisexual being a cheater. The first point actually has nothing to do with cheating it says they might leave the relationship to go and try something that they are into and not tried before. How many bi sexual people can go a whole life without trying both sexes?
Stop telling people what they are writing if you’re only reading what you want to read and not actually reading the words.

We seem to have got to a point in society where everything but being heterosexual is ok.

Men attracted to men? No problem.

Women attracted to women?

Crack on.

Men or women attracted to both? Why not?

Heterosexual man/woman attracted to only heterosexual men/women? You’re a phobic bigot.

Just how does anyone justify that viewpoint.

Just because someone isn’t sexually attracted to or wouldn’t date someone who had slept with other men doesn’t make them phobic. I don’t care how other people live out their sex lives with other people.

Whether they have one night stands or have slept with hundreds of women or have slept with people of the same sex doesn’t change the actual person they are.

But there are plenty of lovely people out there from all demographics who I would love as people but would absolutely never be sexually attracted to for various reasons, that is my prerogative.

So someone is gay or bi, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I am heterosexual. I am attracted to heterosexual men.

There’s nothing wrong with that either.

There is, however, everything wrong with telling someone they’re a bigot for having certain sexual preferences.

I think that makes you a bigot actually.

No, it would have put me off, however it doesn't appear to deter some women (or men).

Realising the man you’re seeing slips out he’s actually been hiding a huge part of who he is, is not any kind of ‘phobic’.

It doesn’t make him gross, it makes him a massive liar who should be ditched. The only reason you’d not tell someone up front is because you know it matters and you’re being selfish and sneaky.

You’ll next be telling us that if the man a woman is with comes out as trans but still fancies woman then the relationship should just stay the same!?

to tell her that I was bisexual but hetromantic (meaning that your sexually attracted to both but only see yourself in relationships with the opposite sex).

Well that doesn't make you a good prospect as a partner for either sex, does it?

If you have to explain your labels then they're not useful labels. You are sexually attracted to men but you don't see yourself in a relationship with a man? That might mean you've got a bit of internalised homophobia going on. Or it might mean you've got other issues about men which you need to resolve. And you're no good as a long-term partner to anyone (women included) until you've sorted out your issues with men.

im 27 and she was the only girl that I dated, I've never been with a man before

Neither does that. She's the first person you've dated and you're busy telling her about your labels?

Sweetie, you don't know what you are yet. Go out with some women, go out with some men, figure yourself out.

Once you've had a bit of sexual and light romantic experience and you have some practical grounding to know what you like and don't like, then go looking for a serious partner.

This

Yes, there are women who are entirely unbothered by the fact their husbands and partners are bisexual. DP of 20 years has never cared about it, neither were any of my other long term relationships.

I will admit that there are women I dated who I never told, but only because it never came up. None of them were long relationships and we'd not discussed previous relationships.

To be honest I was quite surprised when I found out the majority Mumsnet view that it's something that should be shared very early in dating. Generally Mumsnet is very keen that you don't need to share details of your previous relationships with new partners, but apparently that changes when some of your previous partners were of the opposite sex. I struggle not to see it as biphobic to be honest.

Biphobic!

Honestly, the desire here to force people to find something sexy by labelling them as bigoted is truly awful.

I have a list of about 500 things I'd find completely unattractive in a man. None of them are "phobias". They are my sexual preferences, to which I'm entitled.

I really hope young women do not feel like they are forced to fuck or date people they don't want to.

It's completely up to you who you do or don't fancy and please don't let anyone tell you differently.

Biphobia my arse. Sticking a label on your sexual orientation is not the same as understanding it. People who don't understand their own sexuality are a risk and so are people who aren't honest about it.

Some people are sensitive to when a relationship is becoming serious and they know when it's time to share important personal information. Others are not. If you're not sensitive then better early than late. "It never came up" presumably means you split up before you had any serious conversations about previous relationships.

And it's not just a take-it-or-leave it announcement. Yes, some women wont be up for it at all, and that's their right. But for the others, telling them you're attracted to a different sex from theirs should be the start of the conversation not the end.

Can you point out anywhere on the thread where someone has suggested someone should “force people to find something sexy”, or be “forced to fuck or date people they don't want to”?

What people have pointed out is that there is a lot of biphobia around (assuming anyone who is bi is promiscuous, saying being bi is gross, etc), and telling OP to be upfront early in the relationship.

You are misrepresenting the position you are arguing against, making it more extreme so it’s easier for you to attack.

Incidentally, for those posters who are just oh so unique by saying it’s not a phobia. Of course it’s bloody not. No one is claiming it’s an actual phobia. It’s derived from homophobia which was a word coined by a psychologist in the 60s or 70s. Most of those who experience it would likely choose a more appropriate word, like bigotry, but we are stuck with what we have got.