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Relationships

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GF left me when I came out to her as bisexual, are there any women who would be ok dating a bi man?

187 replies

ThrowawayAccount2 · 10/08/2025 15:45

So I was dating a woman for 5 months and I decided to tell her that I was bisexual but hetromantic (meaning that your sexually attracted to both but only see yourself in relationships with the opposite sex). She then said that its a turn off, gross and that she cant date a man who is bisexual.

I know we all have preferences but are there any women who wouldnt mind or even prefer it?

By the way im 27 and she was the only girl that I dated, I've never been with a man before but I dont see myself ever being with a man long term.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 10/08/2025 15:51

I've never been with a man before but I dont see myself ever being with a man long term.

If you said that to me and we’d just started a relationship I’d end it. It says to me that our relationship won’t last because you’ll want to go and try being with a man at some point or you’d cheat on me with a man. It’s fine to like both sexes but equally if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be thinking of other men or women anyway

OverlyFragrant · 10/08/2025 15:51

Of course there are.

I myself am one having dating 2 bisexual men in the past.

It never bothered me, both were very open about their sexuality from the get go which I appreciated.

I think if you leave it later to disclose something so fundamental to who you are as a person, it makes it seem like you yourself are ashamed of it and we're hiding it.

VimtoVimtoVimto · 10/08/2025 15:53

Can't say I would personally OP, but I'm sure there are plenty of women who wouldn't mind.

Clumsycorvid · 10/08/2025 15:53

My current partner of 10 years is bisexual - not a problem in my opinion.

ThrowawayAccount2 · 10/08/2025 15:54

@Coconutter24 but then there are men out there dating women who have never been with any other types of women (i.e women of a different race, body type, height, hair color etc).

OP posts:
Glitchymn1 · 10/08/2025 15:54

My friend did.
I couldn’t, not my bag sorry.

SupposesRoses · 10/08/2025 15:54

You’re waiting too long to mention it. Bring it up on the second or third date.
As you are bisexual, you will never be a good fit with a biphobic woman. Plenty of non-biphobic women in your age range though (although probably not many posting on MN).

Mumlaplomb · 10/08/2025 15:55

I don’t think it would bother me OP as long as they wanted a monogamous relationship.

pinkdelight · 10/08/2025 15:55

ThrowawayAccount2 · 10/08/2025 15:45

So I was dating a woman for 5 months and I decided to tell her that I was bisexual but hetromantic (meaning that your sexually attracted to both but only see yourself in relationships with the opposite sex). She then said that its a turn off, gross and that she cant date a man who is bisexual.

I know we all have preferences but are there any women who wouldnt mind or even prefer it?

By the way im 27 and she was the only girl that I dated, I've never been with a man before but I dont see myself ever being with a man long term.

There are women who'd be okay dating bi men, but I think the issue is more that if you tell the woman you're with that you're bi at that point, it sounds like you want something other than to be with them for the forseeable. If you want to explore your bi identity then go for it, but the place to do that isn't in a presumably monogamous het relationship.

The way you're categorising yourself in these ways when you've not even been with a man and don't see yourself as being with one long-term, and have only dated one girl, sounds like you're a bit too early on to be pinning yourself into these categories, which are a bit tortured to be honest (hetromantic!). If you've got to explain it in these theoretical terms while to all intents and purposes you don't really know as you've only been with one girl for five months, then I'd play the field more (being honest with all about your level of commitment/intentions) and find out who you're truly attracted to before volunteering this kind of info and upsetting the het woman whose time you've wasted. Find out if you actually like cocks and men as more than just friends as much as you think you do, and if so, then you can be a lot more open and upfront instead of blindsiding someone with an identity newsflash that sounds like she's not going to be enough for you.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 10/08/2025 15:55

I've dated many bisexual men and women. That doesn't phase me at all.

I would be put off by "hetromantic" though, I've got no time for people who have define themselves so far into tiny little boxes.

What's wrong with just saying bisexual?

MissHollysDolly · 10/08/2025 15:57

Sorry that you’ve experienced this biphobia, OP. Calling it “gross” is just horrible.
if I was single I’d happily date a bisexual man, but I think the PP comment rang true for me also - only if he’d been able to explore that part of his sexuality before. If he had that wouldn’t be a problem. If it was a “coming out” situation I’d be worried you’d want to explore it

NorthSouthEast · 10/08/2025 15:58

I’m not sure what your aim was here OP? If it’s a long term relationship and you only want to be in a heterosexual relationship, but feel
also attracted to men, are you trying to tell your gf that there’s a chance you’d cheat on her with a man? If you’re in the relationship for good and long term then would you be commenting on all the people you fancy both male and female? I understand you don’t want to hide a part of yourself but if you’ve never been with a man then is this just fantasy thinking? I’m heterosexual and wouldn’t consider a same sex relationship but would engage in same sex fantasy thoughts if reading erotica for example.

amber763 · 10/08/2025 15:59

Id probably not be interested as I'd feel you were likely to want to go and experiment with a man at some point. I'm not sure it was something you had to share if you can't ever see yourself with another man or as others have said you should have mentioned it a few dates in. I'm sure lots of women wouldn't mind but it'd not be for me.

FKAT · 10/08/2025 16:00

So it's 'biphobic' not to want to date a bisexual person? A perfect example of rape culture. If you don't want to have a relationship with a man for this reason it must be because you're a bigot.

FKAT · 10/08/2025 16:03

BTW there are millions of men who fuck other men but want a nice respectable heterosexual relationship in public. It's nothing original. Some are bisexual, some are gay but 'heteromantic' is not a sexual orientation, it's window dressing.

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 10/08/2025 16:03

I'm bi and so is DH. He's known I am since the start of our relationship, but he came to it later.

I very much like being with someone who's not caught up in traditional masculinity and always have, and since I'm bi myself I don't have all the ridiculous "you'll go and cheat" baggage that as you can see a lot of people do. So yes, there's still a shitload of homophobia and biphobia out there, but there are women who either won't mind or will actively like it.

R0ckandHardPlace · 10/08/2025 16:04

I think it’s more that you talk as if you intend to have hook-ups with men (as opposed to a relationship) that is off-putting. It sounds like you are warning her that you’ll cheat.

Newname42 · 10/08/2025 16:04

I would. Personally I don’t quite understand those who say they’d be worried their bisexual partner would cheat with a man at some point; a straight partner might cheat with another woman. Either someone is faithful in a relationship or not, I don’t think sexual orientation matters there. I also think that there’s a very unfair assumption that gay or bisexual men always want multiple partners. I have a couple of male gay friends who are in monogamous relationships and other friends keep asking if they are ‘still’ together. Heterosexual couples aren’t being asked this question so often.

Coconutter24 · 10/08/2025 16:05

ThrowawayAccount2 · 10/08/2025 15:54

@Coconutter24 but then there are men out there dating women who have never been with any other types of women (i.e women of a different race, body type, height, hair color etc).

So have you possibly answered your own question there?
Maybe they have never been with other types of women because they are not their type they stick to what they like but as a woman knowing I can’t give you what a man can, I’d end it if you’d never experienced a man because some point down the line there’s a chance you’d go for a man

MummaMummaMumma · 10/08/2025 16:05

It wouldn't bother me at all. I see it as everyone still finds other people attractive, you just look at men as well as women. Doesn't mean you will cheat.
Don't understand the issue.

pinkdelight · 10/08/2025 16:06

FKAT · 10/08/2025 16:00

So it's 'biphobic' not to want to date a bisexual person? A perfect example of rape culture. If you don't want to have a relationship with a man for this reason it must be because you're a bigot.

Surely it's more calling it gross etc rather than her not wanting to date him. No one is compelled to date anyone they're not attracted to and it's okay to not be attracted to someone who tells you they're bisexual, that in itself isn't biphobic. But to say that being bi is gross, wrong and things like that is biphobic. I think in this instance, her reaction could be down to shock and OP needs to be more upfront with his future partners to avoid both biphobes and people who just don't want to date bi men (hetromantic or not!) because they're only attracted to straight men.

Franwith2and1 · 10/08/2025 16:08

So I had someone like that
turned out he couldn’t keep that side of him hidden. The “thing” he liked doing with men he just did that behind my back
can you suppress that side of you I guess is my question

FKAT · 10/08/2025 16:09

She said it was gross and a turn-off for her, not in general.

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 10/08/2025 16:11

Franwith2and1 · 10/08/2025 16:08

So I had someone like that
turned out he couldn’t keep that side of him hidden. The “thing” he liked doing with men he just did that behind my back
can you suppress that side of you I guess is my question

If a het person can "suppress" their attraction to other opposite-sex people while in a monogamous relationship, why wouldn't a bi person be able to "suppress" their attraction to other people in a monogamous relationship?

SummerIsNotOverYet · 10/08/2025 16:12

As a woman, I’ve got enough on my plate without adding in the worry that I might settle down with someone and have kids, then he decides he wants to pursue his need to be with a man.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bit older, but it’s one thing for a man to leave you for another woman, leaving you for a man would have the added grief of living a lie and being used by a man to have a family of his own when he was really gay.

Up to others what they do, but no, I’d end it.

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