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Original poster

GF left me when I came out to her as bisexual, are there any women who would be ok dating a bi man?

187 replies

ThrowawayAccount2 · 10/08/2025 15:45

So I was dating a woman for 5 months and I decided to tell her that I was bisexual but hetromantic (meaning that your sexually attracted to both but only see yourself in relationships with the opposite sex). She then said that its a turn off, gross and that she cant date a man who is bisexual.

I know we all have preferences but are there any women who wouldnt mind or even prefer it?

By the way im 27 and she was the only girl that I dated, I've never been with a man before but I dont see myself ever being with a man long term.

OP posts:
IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 10/08/2025 20:32

ThrowawayAccount2 · 10/08/2025 15:54

@Coconutter24 but then there are men out there dating women who have never been with any other types of women (i.e women of a different race, body type, height, hair color etc).

But all those examples are women. Not the same thing.

ShowOfHands · 10/08/2025 20:32

I would end a relationship if a man came out as bi to me. I'd also end the relationship if they found God or started voting Reform. It's not discrimination to say no to a romantic/sexual relationship. My body is not an equal opportunities playground and preferences are valid. Any woman can leave any relationship when presented with new information.

VoltaireMittyDream · 10/08/2025 20:35

I think I would find this a bit odd to come out 5 months into a relationship.

Like, if a partner suddenly wanted to tell me that he was powerfully sexually attracted to brunettes as well as blondes, and he wanted to be fully himself about this and I needed to be okay with this part of his identity, I’d wonder why he’d told me at this particular juncture, and what he might be trying to prepare me to accept, and whether he might be negging me in some way to put me on the back foot.

If you’re planning on being monogamous I’m not sure how much it matters who else you are sexually attracted to, or why it would be a great idea to talk to your partner about it.

Wholly different thing if you’re not monogamous - but that’s also a conversation that needs to happen before 5 months!

itsabeautifuldayjuly · 10/08/2025 20:35

This thread describes the majority of mumsnet users extremely well. Should be pinned as a must read - it provides important background to all other threads.

Haffiana · 10/08/2025 20:48

Ladamesansmerci · 10/08/2025 19:23

There is SO much stigma in this thread. You can't be arsed with the way someone self describes their sexuality, which is a fundamental part of ourselves? Bi just means attracted to both sexes. It doesn't mean you can't be in a committed relationship, FFS.

Show quote history

And it is EQUALLY a fundamental part of MY sexuality which is NOT attracted to bisexual men. No matter whether or not they can or can't be in a committed relationship. It is a turn off for me. That is part of who I am and MY sexual response.

So fuck off with your 'stigma' shit. I have seen the same fucking accusations of bigotry aimed at lesbian women who do not want to have relations with men who 'identify as women'.

MegaMinion34 · 10/08/2025 21:05

I'm bisexual myself and don't think not wanting to date a bisexual person is biphobic. It's a preference. I can see why your ex was thrown by this revelation, as she is probably wondering why you chose to divulge this now, 5 months in, rather than at the start. I told my now DH on the second date that I was bi. We are happily married now and I have absolutely no interest in sex with or dating anyone else, but I felt it only fair to DH to tell him everything about myself so he could make an informed decision as to whether to continue to see me.

Clearly it didn't bother him as he still went on to marry me! There are plenty of people who would be happy dating someone who is bisexual. But please tell them as soon as is reasonable in future.

SkylarFalls · 10/08/2025 21:08

QuietLifeNoDrama · 10/08/2025 19:33

I don’t think it would bother me that you were bisexual but it’s more the stage that you’re currently in. I’d be fine if you’d had previous experience with men but if you told me you were bi and hadn’t yet been with a man it would put me off continuing a relationship as I would feel like I was just a stop gap till you go explore

Exactly this

If you start a coming out journey mid dating me.... Nah

If you were out to start with and had M&F exes etc, I'm fine with that

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 10/08/2025 21:10

itsabeautifuldayjuly · 10/08/2025 20:35

This thread describes the majority of mumsnet users extremely well. Should be pinned as a must read - it provides important background to all other threads.

What, you mean all those women who have lived a full life and seen things? Nah, surely you must know that the only “lived experience” that is not “valid” is that of the middle aged woman? x

itsabeautifuldayjuly · 10/08/2025 21:10

Of course it is ok to be attracted to one thing or the other. But the way people on mumsnet judge men who are not attracted to a woman anymore because she gained weight/ changed hobbies/ changed priorities in life would let you believe only men are shallow.
This thread is the perfect proof that women are as shallow, judgemental and full of prejudice as men. Not really surprising.

Finteq · 10/08/2025 21:14

SummerIsNotOverYet · 10/08/2025 16:12

As a woman, I’ve got enough on my plate without adding in the worry that I might settle down with someone and have kids, then he decides he wants to pursue his need to be with a man.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bit older, but it’s one thing for a man to leave you for another woman, leaving you for a man would have the added grief of living a lie and being used by a man to have a family of his own when he was really gay.

Up to others what they do, but no, I’d end it.

Agree.

It's nothing against bi people.

But the risk that you are being used for a family and for appearances only wouldn't be for me.

boxofbuttons · 10/08/2025 21:18

SummerIsNotOverYet · 10/08/2025 16:12

As a woman, I’ve got enough on my plate without adding in the worry that I might settle down with someone and have kids, then he decides he wants to pursue his need to be with a man.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bit older, but it’s one thing for a man to leave you for another woman, leaving you for a man would have the added grief of living a lie and being used by a man to have a family of his own when he was really gay.

Up to others what they do, but no, I’d end it.

Do you find it a thing on your plate worrying that a straight man will pursue their heterosexuality outside of you? Or is it only bi people you think of as cheats?

Also, if someone was bi and you knew it, then you broke up after you'd had kids, it wouldn't be 'added grief of living a lie', would it? Nor would he be 'really gay'.

Mumsnet is SO, so so, SO weird about bisexuality in general and bi men in particular.

Cedrabbage · 10/08/2025 21:19

If i were single and met a man now who'd had some life and relationship experience tell me he was bi then it certainly wouldn't be an instant bin if he was open about it and comfortable with it. I'd be ok with seeing if it went anywhere or not. If however I met a man who told me what you told her ie that you've never even tried a man then I'd only carry it on if I didn't like you that much/you were a test for me too in some way, so as to save myself the potential heartbreak that'd come when you inevitably wanted to go explore. Same as if you suddenly told me you had a particular interest in big tits but had never experienced them, even if you also like small ones. Be really annoyed if you told me five months in.

So to sum up, suggest you meet both men and women for dates, be honest at an appropriate moment early on and don't box yourself in with these labels already as it seems premature - for you they are intentions (things you'd like to try?) rather than statements about how you've lived your life to this point. And FFS don't hide this part of yourself for five months.

Best of luck.

RIPMTV · 10/08/2025 21:21

I’m sure many would be fine with it, but I woulnt continue a relationship with a bisexual man. I’m only attracted to heterosexual men,

Foolsgold74 · 10/08/2025 21:23

SupposesRoses · 10/08/2025 15:54

You’re waiting too long to mention it. Bring it up on the second or third date.
As you are bisexual, you will never be a good fit with a biphobic woman. Plenty of non-biphobic women in your age range though (although probably not many posting on MN).

Bi-phobic? Ffs, does everything have to have a label? It's not possible for me to roll my eyes any harder.

Haffiana · 10/08/2025 21:29

itsabeautifuldayjuly · 10/08/2025 21:10

Of course it is ok to be attracted to one thing or the other. But the way people on mumsnet judge men who are not attracted to a woman anymore because she gained weight/ changed hobbies/ changed priorities in life would let you believe only men are shallow.
This thread is the perfect proof that women are as shallow, judgemental and full of prejudice as men. Not really surprising.

Right. Let's go back to the era where a woman's father or family or even her church chose who she was to marry.

People can and will choose their partners according to their preferences and yes, sure according to their shallow judgements and prejudices. Why the fuck shouldn't they? It is as valid to only want eg a blond tall thin partner as it is to choose a partner so that you can loudly virtual signal yourself all over social media.

What you cannot demonstrate in all this frothing is that someone has been harmed. The OP has - actually, in REALITY, in Real Life - only been dumped. Like millions of other people all over the world. Very sad for him and if this thread had not been hijacked perhaps he might have had some friendly advice, but ultimately it is no different to being dumped because he chewed his food too loudly or left his clothes on the bathroom floor.

Personperson · 10/08/2025 21:34

YesterdaysFuture · 10/08/2025 17:40

60 years ago heterosexual wasn't a label for anyone. Not sure how the human race continued to exist if people only dated people who had a particular label.

Heterosexual means you're attracted to the opposite sex. There isn't a sexual orientation for being attracted to the label a member of the opposite sex has given themselves.

Show quote history

Well there are plenty of labels to choose from now. It is the current days, not 60 years ago so yes of course we can say that about the people we wish to attract to have the sexuality that I do and you knew exactly what I meant.
You're just being deliberately obtuse.

RIPMTV · 10/08/2025 21:39

If people can be pansexual, asexual, ‘heteroromanti ’ etc etc I can bloody well be a heterosexual woman who is attracted to heterosexual men.

The labellers don’t like it when the labels aren’t created by then, it would seem!

MyQuirkyTraybake · 10/08/2025 22:11

Coconutter24 · 10/08/2025 19:47

Ermm I don’t have that belief. I don’t think I said all bi sexuals are cheaters anywhere in my comment

Show quote history

Oh ok. I get you now. You just think because he's bisexual he'd cheat on you with a man. But not because all bisexuals are cheaters. Your mind just jumped to your hyperthetelocal bisexual date being a cheater. Right.

Trovindia · 10/08/2025 22:44

I would, and have. But I'm bisexual myself so I understand it.

pinkdelight · 10/08/2025 23:45

Ladamesansmerci · 10/08/2025 19:20

Lol what? There are some wildly biphobic responses on here.

Someone will not cheat just because they're bi. To assume a bi person will cheat, is biphobia. People cheat because they're assholes, not because their sexuality makes them promiscuous. Saying someone bi is gross is obvious biphobia, like c'mon.

And how is describing yourself as bisexual and heteromantic 'theoretical'? You don't need to shag someone to know your sexuality. I'm a lesbian. I knew that before I slept with a woman. I've never slept with a man and don't ever want to. You would never say to a straight woman 'oh go and sleep with a woman to be sure you don't like vagina first'.

Honestly 🙃

Anyway, OP, you will find women for whom this won't matter. I'm obviously gay, but if I was a bi or straight woman, I absolutely would not care.

Show quote history

This was entirely directed at the OP’s situation. A 27yo who has so little experience that they’ve only had one short term girlfriend and no other female or male partners yet defines themselves this way five months into their first relationship… I think it’s totally legit to believe they’ll not only want but need to explore more with other partners before deciding they’re into x and y in one way but only z in another way. It’s not biphobic at all to say this guy needs to find out who he is in the real world rather than the abstract as he’s both inexperienced by his own admission and naive in terms of how/when he told girlfriend and in not knowing if women who like bi men exist. That’s who I was addressing, not your particular situation which is not comparable.

pinkdelight · 10/08/2025 23:48

Plus I said that calling bi people gross was biphobia so you’re picking the wrong fight there.

glittercunt · 11/08/2025 00:07

Dated many bi people. It's super sad how bi people are treated. None of my bi exes ever went off with a man, or anyone else, come to it. The straight men I dated, several of those cheated on me, however.

I have polyam friends who are bi, who both do and do not have partners of differing genders.

I prefer the term pan for myself, and when I was young, the local lesbians I met up with were so rude - calling me greedy and telling me I was so obviously gay anyway. Not true. I'm still into the person inside, in a variety of fleshsuits.

Be open up front from now, don't leave it so long, because you're wasting your time if at every 5ish month mark you discover you're dating a biphobe.

Flowercakes · 11/08/2025 00:12

glittercunt · 11/08/2025 00:07

Dated many bi people. It's super sad how bi people are treated. None of my bi exes ever went off with a man, or anyone else, come to it. The straight men I dated, several of those cheated on me, however.

I have polyam friends who are bi, who both do and do not have partners of differing genders.

I prefer the term pan for myself, and when I was young, the local lesbians I met up with were so rude - calling me greedy and telling me I was so obviously gay anyway. Not true. I'm still into the person inside, in a variety of fleshsuits.

Be open up front from now, don't leave it so long, because you're wasting your time if at every 5ish month mark you discover you're dating a biphobe.

Sounds exhausting but the term fleshsuit is 🤢

SmartDog · 11/08/2025 00:14

I wouldn’t have dated a bisexual man, that’s just my preference. If someone thinks it’s biphobia, that’s not my problem as I don’t owe anyone sex or a relationship.

A friend of mine dated a man who told her he was bisexual 3 months into their relationship, telling her he was more into women and didn’t see himself in a relationship with a man. She ended it soon after as she wanted to date a straight man. They’re still good friends and he has been in relationships with men and women, but is getting married to a man next year.

UnwantedOpinionBelow · 11/08/2025 00:26

Not for me. I just would struggle to be attracted to him knowing he is sexually attracted to other men.

Have no issue with people being bi in general but I would find it off-putting in my spouse personally.