GF left me when I came out to her as bisexual, are there any women who would be ok dating a bi man?

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So I was dating a woman for 5 months and I decided to tell her that I was bisexual but hetromantic (meaning that your sexually attracted to both but only see yourself in relationships with the opposite sex). She then said that its a turn off, gross and that she cant date a man who is bisexual.

I know we all have preferences but are there any women who wouldnt mind or even prefer it?

By the way im 27 and she was the only girl that I dated, I've never been with a man before but I dont see myself ever being with a man long term.

Sticking a label on your sexual orientation is not the same as understanding it. People who don't understand their own sexuality are a risk and so are people who aren't honest about it.

I have to say, I don't really understand what you mean by this bit? Are you saying that people who are bisexual just don't understand whether they're gay or not?

It's just never seemed like that important a piece of information to me. If I'm in a relationship with someone, then I'm in a relationship with them, and only them. The fact that previously I've been out with men doesn't change the nature of that relationship in any way shape or form. I wouldn't be cheating on DP if I was heterosexual, so I'm not going to cheat on her because I'm bi. I don't feel like I'm missing anything from my life because I haven't slept with another man in the last 22 years.

As I said in my last post, in every major relationship I've had, it's come up, because we've talked about exes, or because she mentioned how very pretty Chris Hemsworth was, and I agreed.

But last time I got a lot of grief for not having mentioned it on the very first date, when I don't think not mentioning that a previous relationship was with a man is any more wrong than not revealing that a previous girlfriend was Scottish, or a Spurs fan!

Straight women who've done this usually talk about it openly - it's a mainstream cultural trope at this point! - straight men are shamed into keeping it a secret.

Well, whose problem is that to fix? Straight men are ashamed so women should accept being lied to? Blow that for a game of soldiers.

Are straight men really so powerless? Sounds more like DARVO.

The entire thread features multiple posts characterising not wanting to date a bi person as biphobia.

It's complete garbage.

It seeks to present women with a choice: accept a partner you don't find attractive, or be cast as a bigot.

That's completely unacceptable.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to get his arms tattooed from top to bottom. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to smoke weed at the end of his day. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to listen to trance music and go to raves. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to support a football team and go and see their matches every week. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to write poems in his journal. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to wear very fashionable clothes. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to vlog his life on TikTok. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to stack a dishwasher in a less than optimal way. But it would turn me off.

I do not give a solitary single fuck if a man wants to have sex with other men. But it would turn me off.

There's no phobias involved here.

We are all entirely, COMPLETELY, and without any need to justify it, entitled to decide who we do or do not want to fuck and we can be as discriminatory as we like.

No it means some of them haven't sorted out what being bisexual means to them. What kind of bisexual they are. They stick the label on and think it's job done. When actually bisexual is the widest-ranging sexual orientation and needs a lot of information.

And just because it's not important to you doesn't mean it's not going to be very important to someone else, positive or negative. Scottish or a Spurs fan are not sexual orientations.Fancying men is.

I do agree that first date is premature unless you met in the gay centre in which case you'd probably need to say something. But there's a time and a place. Somewhere between first date and marriage

What people have pointed out is that there is a lot of biphobia around (assuming anyone who is bi is promiscuous, saying being bi is gross, etc), and telling OP to be upfront early in the relationship. not everyone wouldn’t date a bisexual because they think being bi is gross or because they think that someone who is bi is promiscuous though.

I wouldn’t date someone bisexual because I’m attracted to heterosexual men only. That doesn’t make me biphobic or prejudiced, or bigoted or whatever other term you choose to use. It means I am perfectly entitled to be attracted or not attracted to anyone I like.

Interesting that so many women on this site would tel other women that they should always have the right to say no. But apparently saying no doesn’t extend to someone who isn’t heterosexual because that’s bigoted.

Are people really that stupid as to not realise that there is a difference between having sex with a man who has had sex with other men and one who has only had sex with women? If it doesn’t matter to you then fair enough. But it does matter to some, and it has nothing to do with prejudice.

And yes, it should absolutely be brought up early in a relationship, before you have sex with someone. Because it’s not just about how many partners you’ve had, it’s about your whole sexuality and identity, something which your partner may not share. In the same way you should e.g. bring up the fact that you have kids, in case the person isn’t ok with that and wouldn’t choose to date someone with kids.

Incidentally, I wouldn’t be attracted to a man who had had anal sex with a woman either as it goes.

@Voxon 👏👏👏👏👏

@AnyoneWhoHasAHeart makes a good point actually - for a dating-type relationship then between first date and having sex.

Well it wouldn't be my preference. I wouldn't want to have sex with a man who had had his penis in another man's bum. But maybe that's just me. It doesn't make me "biphobic", it's just not for me.

So that’s a “no” then? 😂

You can’t give any examples, because there aren’t any. No one has said that not wanting to date someone who is bi is biphobia. No one has said people can’t have their own preferences.

Why are you so wound up about things that have not actually been said?

Not for me thanks

“I wouldn’t date someone bisexual because I’m attracted to heterosexual men only. That doesn’t make me biphobic or prejudiced, or bigoted or whatever other term you choose to use. It means I am perfectly entitled to be attracted or not attracted to anyone I like.”

I completely agree.

However where people have been saying that people who are bi are promiscuous or gross - that is biphobic and bigoted.

I can give examples, I am just at work so didn't fancy wasting my time scrolling through posts to copy and paste them when they are bloody obvious for all to see. But if I must, then here is the first two:

"As you are bisexual, you will never be a good fit with a biphobic woman. Plenty of non-biphobic women in your age range though (although probably not many posting on MN)"

"As you can tell from a lot of the answers OP it’s because there are still a huge percentage of people who are biphobic"

That's just the first two I found. It is all the way through this thread.

Just as the OP has the right to be attracted to both men and women, other individuals are equally entitled to have preferences based on their personal turn ons and offs.

People can decide who they want to be or have sex with, with based on a wide range of factors and this should never translate into shaming or labeling people who simply don't align with someone else's sexual preferences.

A woman who doesn’t fancy a bisexual man because of his preferences is within her rights. Labelling said women as "biphobic" for exercising that choice seeks to morally police a woman and invalidate her boundaries by means of shaming.

I hope OP goes on to have a lovely relationship with someone who is attracted to bisexuality in a partner - there are many on this thread. I hope all the women reading this remember they can choose who they do or do not want to go to bed with or form relationships with.

"As you are bisexual, you will never be a good fit with a biphobic woman. Plenty of non-biphobic women in your age range though (although probably not many posting on MN)"

Was said about OP’s ex. Based on what OP has said (that she thought being bi was gross) so would seem to be biphobic.

"As you can tell from a lot of the answers OP it’s because there are still a huge percentage of people who are biphobic"

Yes - there are biphobic comments all the way through the thread. No comments anywhere about forcing anyone into a relationship though.

I’m bisexual so fine with me.

But I’m not convinced by the separation between sexual and romantic attraction. Partly because I’ve never felt a twinge of ‘romantic’ affection that wasn’t tied up with sexual attraction. So I’d just think you had internalised biphobia and were suffering from a very heteronormative upbringing. Especially if you’ve never actually dated a guy. I don’t understand wanting to shag someone but not feeling love just because they’re male.

I agree you’ll probably find more accepting people in a more LGBTQ+ setting, and that might help you generally.

Other people do, though. I've met plenty of people that I feel sexually but not romantically attracted to.

And on the whole 'I can date whoever I want and it's not biphobic' thing: yes, you have the right to date whoever you want. Nobody will hold a gun to your head or throw you in jail because you don't want to date a particular person. And similarly, other people have the right to call out the view, expressed over and over on here, that a man having sexual contact with another man is forever tainted and unmanned, as what it is: rank homophobia, with some misgyny thrown in to boot.

@ChandrilanDiscoDroid yes me too. But it’s not tied up with their sex. I can’t say for certain that I’ll never fall in love with any female person just because they’re female.

So I am now biphobic because I have made it clear that I prefer to be in a relationship with a man who does not sleep/ or is not interested in sleeping with other men .
I have heard everything now…

Sidenote- Op you were with this lady for five months and did not inform her of your bisexuality . This means that you lied by omission . She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a bisexual man which is her prerogative . You took away her agency and her right to choose who she sleeps with
. Other women don’t mind ( as seen by this thread) .
You were in a relationship and kept an important part of yourself hidden , this is wrong

You can’t give any examples, because there aren’t any. No one has said that not wanting to date someone who is bi is biphobia. No one has said people can’t have their own preferences

"Yes, it is biphobic to change your opinion of the man you have been dating for 5 months based only on his orientation ... it’s prejudiced for her to change her entire opinion of you based on a single fact"

"Anybody who is insecure enough to be bothered by this is going to be a pain to live with in the future."

" if you break up with a partner just because they are bisexual, you are biphobic"

"I'm not denying their - or your - actual feelings of revulsion; I'm saying they come from a place of prejudice rather than substance."

"Generally Mumsnet is very keen that you don't need to share details of your previous relationships with new partners, but apparently that changes when some of your previous partners were of the opposite sex. I struggle not to see it as biphobic to be honest."

No. The man is not tainted. Simply his sexual preferences do not align with some women's sexual preferences.

I am in complete agreement that judging a person based on their sexuality is phobic, except when it pertains to your decision to date that person. Romantic and sexual attraction are necessarily prejudiced. If your judgement extends beyond that choice then it's problematic but simply having a dating preference is not rank homophobia.

100% agree.

Yes - there are biphobic comments all the way through the thread. No comments anywhere about forcing anyone into a relationship though. except that if you’re saying that a woman refusing to be in a relationship with a man is biphobic, then you are forcing the notion of having to be in a relationship with a bisexual person.

You can’t force anyone into any kind of relationship, but there is plenty of suggestion that not being in one with someone who is bisexual makes that person a biphobic bigot.

yes it would bother me hugely

yes it would bother me hugely