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Original poster

Husband getting close to girl at the gym

461 replies

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:16

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

OP posts:
cannyvalley · 09/08/2025 14:20

Does sound like he has a crush on her/ fancies her (best case scenario).

tbh I think I would be feeling a bit suspicious.

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 14:22

They were too close a couple of months ago.
When he said ' but shes to young for me' and not 'but I'm married'..

Does he talk about his male pals the same way? Bet not.

I'd be going to the gym with him from now on.

He's a chancer and he's big time disrespectful to you.

Original poster
Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:24

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 14:22

They were too close a couple of months ago.
When he said ' but shes to young for me' and not 'but I'm married'..

Does he talk about his male pals the same way? Bet not.

I'd be going to the gym with him from now on.

He's a chancer and he's big time disrespectful to you.

I asked if he’s told her he’s married and he said ‘ no, it’s never come up’. I found that strange, talking to someone for a few months and not mentioning his other half once.

OP posts:
Absentmindedsmile · 09/08/2025 14:26

Of course he fancies her. Not sure what I’d do, if in your situation. Go to the gym with him, maybe?

ps. All the other guys say exactly the same to their partners, as yours says to you.

YetanotherNC25 · 09/08/2025 14:27

He’s got mentionitis, and is clearly trying not to come across as perving to get close to her whilst doing exactly that!
I bet if she ever gave the impression she was interested in him he’d be straight in there.
It looks like she isn’t into him which is why they might not have had a physical affair yet but he’s definitely got a crush.
You’re right to be worried as he’s disrespecting your relationship. I doubt he’s going to stop given he’s denying it’s happening.
If you left him he’d be straight over to her to comfort him in his ‘heartbreak’, whilst not giving you a second thought. Sorry this is happening.

Ebenezerscrogge · 09/08/2025 14:28

Suggest you join the gym OP - she doesn’t know you exist and he has a crush - does t mean he intends to do anything about it -but neither does it mean he won’t - sorry

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 14:30

I mean there is also the option to message her and be like 'im Jim's wife, hello, just thought I'd check in as he talks about you a lot. Have to check the situation out I'm sure you understand. Woman to woman, anything I need to worry about?'.

Of course if anything is going on she might lie.

Alternatively, you could tell him he is to stop this nonsense and change gyms. But TBF hell probably just go secretly. Because you should never have to beg someone to respect you. They'll always stab you in the back if respect isn't their base mode for you.

So that's why I'm saying go to the gym. Sus things out. Make it clear he has a wife and the relationship is still...physical. Perhaps, invite her for dinner and look at her first reaction when you do. That'll tell you all you need to know.

But be ready to have a talk about how his behaviour is entirely inappropriate and if it ever goes this way again, you'll leave him.

Pancakeflipper · 09/08/2025 14:30

Ah yes the others are "perving" and he's being respectable...

I think hes got a crush.

Grab your leggings and introduce yourself to her. And tell him, he's got mentionitous.

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 14:31

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:24

I asked if he’s told her he’s married and he said ‘ no, it’s never come up’. I found that strange, talking to someone for a few months and not mentioning his other half once.

Show quote history

He's taking you for a mug.

I'd message her tbh. And go to the gym. Like you've let him away with far too much shite.

Original poster
Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:33

Apparently he lifted his heaviest weight when she was ‘cheering him on’ a few weeks back. He said he gives her advice etc when there are actual PT’s in there she could speak with. He obviously knows his stuff but he’s not qualified.

OP posts:
BetweenTwoFerns · 09/08/2025 14:33

It’s mad that he’s told you he doesn’t fancy her because she’s too young…like you are his mate or his mam.

rainbowstardrops · 09/08/2025 14:33

He definitely fancies her!!!

londongirl12 · 09/08/2025 14:33

So he knows what car she has, but he hasn’t said he’s married? Hmmmm. You’re right, it does sound stalker ish. Next time he mentions her, I would say that. “You should like a pervy stalker, how about focusing your attention on your actual family?”

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 14:35

To be honest it sounds a bit like narcissistic triangulation now. When they mention other women to try make you feel like you are competing in some way.

Whole situation is gross to be honest op.
He's literally flaunting the disrespect in your face.

AnonAnonmystery · 09/08/2025 14:39

It’s a bit ironic that he knows everything about her but she doesn’t know he’s married.

If they’ve been talking so much surely a conversation would have come up like “ what are you doing on the weekend?”
and at that point your DH should have said “ I’m going for a meal with my wife Claire”. But it’s very likely he said “ just going out with drinks with my mates”. He’s not lying but it’s as if you don’t exist when he’s talking to her.

The problem is once they are on the slippery slope to getting too close to someone, and all l do denying it, they are half way out of the door already to be honest.

AnonAnonmystery · 09/08/2025 14:40

BetweenTwoFerns · 09/08/2025 14:33

It’s mad that he’s told you he doesn’t fancy her because she’s too young…like you are his mate or his mam.

Yes I thought this too.
Completely friend zoning his own wife.
These men make me sick.

Shouldigoforarunorhavepancakes · 09/08/2025 14:45

He def fancies her and he’s disrespectful to you.

what are you going to do? I personally wouldn’t drag myself for a guy. I would simply mention to him that all this silliness is making me loose interest on him. Start preparing yourself for the exit.

MaryTheTurtle · 09/08/2025 14:45

It’s his ‘I don’t, she’s too young’ that means he does fancy her
if it was just a nice person at the gym he say X is nice and so is Y. Then say no more

Shitmonger · 09/08/2025 14:50

Does he wear a ring? Does he post on social media, since he follows her? I wouldn’t be surprised if she does know he’s married (and thus thinks it’s safe to chat with him) but he thinks that because he hasn’t said anything that she’s oblivious.

Or she does think he’s much too old for her and therefore a safe gym friend. I made both of those mistakes in my twenties before learning to be wary of all men that were friendly to me regardless of their age and marital status. I think introducing yourself somehow is a good idea because if it’s something like this then she’ll immediately distance herself.

Your husband is obviously the real issue though. Normally I’d say to let rip on him but he seems like he lacks self-awareness and is a bit in denial, what with the “she’s too young for me to be interested” bollocks. Is he typically like that?

everythingblows · 09/08/2025 14:53

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:33

Apparently he lifted his heaviest weight when she was ‘cheering him on’ a few weeks back. He said he gives her advice etc when there are actual PT’s in there she could speak with. He obviously knows his stuff but he’s not qualified.

Ugh, yeah he definitely fancies her. Him showing off to her, giving his time to her. She’s probably lapping it up aswell m.

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 14:55

Actually terrifying that you could marry someone and then find out they are like this isn't it.

You wouldn't think men that brazen would want to get married.

Just awful.

I mean he's not a keeper I suppose, however you handle things. Not unless he is simply a total fool who fully realises the gravity of his a actions, grovels in apology and commits fully to never, ever putting you in such a predicament ever again. But I doubt, if it is just utter stupidity, he has the sense to do that anyway.

Branleuse · 09/08/2025 14:56

Tell him to pack it in, because hes being a fucking idiot and you won't be disrespected like that.

Gingercar · 09/08/2025 14:57

He’s been chatting away to her but hasn’t managed to mention he’s married. 🚩
Shes too young for him but he still seems to spend all his time at the gym with her and follows her social media (obviously not too young to be interesting)🚩

I would be wary. He’s talking crap - to you.

Original poster
Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:57

Shitmonger · 09/08/2025 14:50

Does he wear a ring? Does he post on social media, since he follows her? I wouldn’t be surprised if she does know he’s married (and thus thinks it’s safe to chat with him) but he thinks that because he hasn’t said anything that she’s oblivious.

Or she does think he’s much too old for her and therefore a safe gym friend. I made both of those mistakes in my twenties before learning to be wary of all men that were friendly to me regardless of their age and marital status. I think introducing yourself somehow is a good idea because if it’s something like this then she’ll immediately distance herself.

Your husband is obviously the real issue though. Normally I’d say to let rip on him but he seems like he lacks self-awareness and is a bit in denial, what with the “she’s too young for me to be interested” bollocks. Is he typically like that?

He doesn’t wear his ring as it’s ‘dangerous’ to wear it at work or to the gym. His photo on his socials is just of him. Maybe she just accepted but hasn’t taken a look at his profile, so has no idea. She may genuinely just think he’s a nice guy trying to help her out, but creeps at the gym give me the ick, which is why I’m hoping he isn’t becoming 1, and is just being a bit naive and stupid.

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 15:00

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:57

He doesn’t wear his ring as it’s ‘dangerous’ to wear it at work or to the gym. His photo on his socials is just of him. Maybe she just accepted but hasn’t taken a look at his profile, so has no idea. She may genuinely just think he’s a nice guy trying to help her out, but creeps at the gym give me the ick, which is why I’m hoping he isn’t becoming 1, and is just being a bit naive and stupid.

Show quote history

Sorry love but he thinks he is single. And he wants other women to think it too.

You need to let the girl know.
He may just be a creep. Or he may be trying his luck and getting somewhere. She needs a heads up asap.

And you...honestly, need a divorce lawyer. Sorry.