Husband getting close to girl at the gym

[Amy808]

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

That's not what he said. He said his wife would be doing cardio. She is perhaps not a weight person. He knows women do weights as he is talking to one remember.

Honestly, it sounds like you're right to be concerned. The level of detail he's sharing about this woman and the amount of attention he's giving her does seem excessive, especially considering his history with friendships at the gym. It's not just about having opposite-sex friends; it's about the intensity and frequency of his interactions with her. If you're feeling uneasy, it's valid. You might want to have another chat with him about your feelings and see how he responds. Maybe ask him why he feels the need to share so much about her or why he's following her fitness page. Pay attention to his tone and body language. If you're still feeling uncertain, keeping an eye on the situation might be a good idea. Trust your instincts, and don't dismiss your concerns just because he says he doesn't fancy her. How would he feel if this was you over a male.

Time for a discussion about boundaries & emotional affair. Tell him you can see he has a crush, be clear in what is acceptable to you within your relationship.
Be calm, be clear.

No, mention it to him first. "I'm thinking of joining, will you give me some tips DH?" His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

… Update …

He comes home yesterday grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Said this girls mum happened to be at the gym, and she was telling him how ‘muscly’ he was and even got him to tense and felt his biceps.
It gave me the absolute ick. I said something along the lines of ‘Are you going after the future mother in law now aswel’?. He just laughed and was content with the ego boost. Will be having a serious chat when the kids are out of the house …

I think you're right, tell him to get a grip of himself also. Is he purposely trying to make you jealous? I had a partner who did that once and I replied asking if they wanted me to mention everytime someone came onto me and listed a few recent times off, he got very annoyed funny enough

@Amy808 sorry to hear this. It’s a bit weird that he didn’t react to the mother in law remark. He seems so oblivious to how focussed he is on this woman at the gym.

Have other behaviours changed too?

I'd be wondering if he actually met her at the gym or if he's actually now been introduced to the mother by her as the new boyfriend.

Then again, maybe she just brought her single mum along to imply to him 'look, my mum is more in your age rage' xD

Even if he has himself as his profile pic (bet it's him showing his 6 pack and biceps?) does he have no pictures of you or the kids on his pages? Most men are proud to post pictures of their children, or mention their anniversary or post holiday pics or similar. Is he the vain type who only posts selfies of his "insane body"?

could it be she’s trying to match him up with her mum ! .. that would be a Dent to his ego ..

He does have some pictures of me and the kids, but his profile pic is of himself and mainly posts just gym selfies all the time. I’ve kind of lost interest in his socials tbh.

It seems like he has well and truly given you the ick. Which is totally understandable. There is a strong chance that having the conversation will stop him telling you about this girl but won’t stop him pursuing her as he loves the attention too much.

I would get this nipped in the bud now, having been where you are I would never put up with this. I was trusting enough to believe it when he said he didnt fancy her, next thing he is leaving me,

Sorry if that sounds brutal but his head has been turned and he needs a reality check

He’s not just got a crush on her, he’s fully into her and obsessed. If she gives him the eye he will go with her. He’s partly checked out already

Update, quite a bit has happened over the past few months.

So her boyfriend started going to the gym with her, but would be in other rooms, areas etc. probably watching from afar. She told my husband he calls him her ‘gym boyfriend’. Take from that would you want.

The other day he comes home and tells me they’re now engaged. Then goes into slagging off their relationship, saying it won’t last and he’s only done it to ‘reel her in’ because she gets chatty / friendly with other guys. Then the same night my friend sends me a screenshot of my husband liking her engagement photo online. Strange I know.

He’s told me about countless other flirty chats / moments between them. Her drinking from his water bottle, talking about her ( lack of ) sex life, her favourite sex position and plenty of other things I’m not particularly happy with.

It got to the point where I said I wanted him to block her on socials and stop talking to her. He said no because they ‘click’ as friends and get on really well. He said it’s bad enough they can’t ’send each other gym memes’ online, or meet up for drinks etc let alone stop talking to her all together. More to the fact he gets off to her gym selfies and videos that she always posts in her tiny outfits.

Her ( now ) finance is clearly not happy with this ‘friendship’ either but maybe is less vocal. He tells me ( again ) he doesn’t fancy her, and she definitely doesn’t fancy him and is pretty confident that she has ( friendzoned him )

I just feel now they’re both flirting with eachother trying to out do eachother. This is how so many affairs start. He just laughs and says I’m being ridiculous when I say anything like this.

Yes sounds like he is invested in her! Get out whilst you can

To be honest you’ve got 2 people that fancy each other and would probably go for each other if they were single. It’s awkward to navigate for everyone.

I’m in my 20s and go gym frequently, I’m not discussing my sex life with men in their 30s at my gym, I would totally think they’d get the wrong idea and that I was interested in them (which I’m not, hence why I don’t).

Oh dear. He has a case of mentionitis and is flattered tgat she talks to him - ‘but I’m married’ ‘the other guys fancy her but she’s too young for me’ SCREAMS tgat He's deeply flattered this younger model speaks to him.

It’s creepy

He's disrespectful to you. I hope you are getting your support team in place and practical things lined up. I'm sorry - what he's doing is awful.

I said, if she looked exactly the same but was 10 years older, would he fancy her? He couldn’t give me an answer. So basically he’s holding back on admitting it because he thinks she’s a bit too young.

Suggest you find a good divorce lawyer now. At some point, for this woman or another later on, you will need it.

This is not a long term marriage unless you are happy to look the other way.

Seriously? That sounds so, so needy and insecure. 🙄

Even some of his gym ( guy ) friends think their friendship is strange and walk away from him if either start talking to each other.

I don’t think it’s that she’s too young. It’s more that she’s basically his dream girl and he feels he’s in with somewhat of a chance of being with her if he was single, hence developing feelings. I mean, you’ve seen her social media- is she attractive/his type?