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Original poster

Husband getting close to girl at the gym

461 replies

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:16

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

OP posts:
Personperson · 09/08/2025 15:51

dogcatkitten · 09/08/2025 15:20

Could you drop in at the gym and introduce yourself?

Or just turn up to workout

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 15:55

Benefitbettyquestion · 09/08/2025 15:25

What do you mean that close??? Men and women talk at the gym all the time. How odd

Show quote history

A chat, sure. That's not the same as a married man helping a young woman train and name dropping g about her all the time to his wife. Not bothering to tell her he is married, not wearing his ring, actively adding her to a social media that has nothing of his marriage on it.

Anchorage56 · 09/08/2025 15:56

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:57

He doesn’t wear his ring as it’s ‘dangerous’ to wear it at work or to the gym. His photo on his socials is just of him. Maybe she just accepted but hasn’t taken a look at his profile, so has no idea. She may genuinely just think he’s a nice guy trying to help her out, but creeps at the gym give me the ick, which is why I’m hoping he isn’t becoming 1, and is just being a bit naive and stupid.

Show quote history

Come on OP this is a wind up thread surely! Come on!

LlamaNoDrama · 09/08/2025 15:58

start tagging your 'wonderful' dh in pics together on social media so she knows.

wrongthinker · 09/08/2025 16:06

Benefitbettyquestion · 09/08/2025 15:48

It's not clear the friendship is too close.

I'm not saying there us definitely nothing to worry about but some of the comments on here are insane.

Show quote history

It's too close for OP's liking - therefore it's too close.

I think in a marriage you need to be clear. Some things are a potential threat and you both have to take responsibility for that. Not telling the pretty girl who everyone fancies that you're married is a potential threat to your relationship. I expect he already knows that, but thinks he can just gaslight his wife about it and keep behaving as he likes.

The only good outcome here is him taking accountability, dropping his new "friend" and making it clear he's married and not interested in anyone else.

Laiste · 09/08/2025 16:12

Have you got kids together OP?

Either way:
I would not be joining the gym.
I would not message her.
I would not change social media pics.

I would bide my time just a little tiny bit longer. Keep quiet when he talks about her (you can roll your eyes and pull faces with your back turned) but don't quite yet do or say anything.

The reason i say this is because while he's yapping to you about her nothing has happened between them. In my opinion anyway. As soon as there's anything to actually keep secret he'll go quiet about her. Don't actually wait till this happens - just hang fire for now.

What i would do is give him enough rope to hang himself. I'm sorry to say that if this was my husband behaving like this i'd never be able to look at him the same way again so the relationship would be damaged already.

Let him talk about her. Wait for the right moment - when he's being really nauseous. And then tell him you're sick of him banging on about another woman who he clearly fancies and it's time to pack his bags. Mean it. Be calm. See what he does/says.

If he convincingly gets down and begs to stay it's up to you. Anything less than that and i'd be repeating his marching orders.

IHate · 09/08/2025 16:15

Shitmonger · 09/08/2025 15:51

We do, because he’s told OP as much.

And no, it wasn’t a case of “he talked about OP but just didn’t actually mention that they’re married.”

Show quote history

Could you quote where OP has said that, please? I can see that she says they haven’t talked about her (the gym woman’s) relationship status, but nothing to indicate he hasn’t disclosed his.

ETA: I’ve reread and see that I missed it. My apologies! Okay, now that is messed up. I agree with you.

GAJLY · 09/08/2025 16:17

Could you go to the gym with him and suss it out? If your husband is hesitant to bring you, you'll know why.

Dontwasteyourbreath · 09/08/2025 16:22

“Darling, I was born at night, not last night and it’s as clear as the nose on your face that you fancy x name girl at the gym. No. Don’t start denying it, you’ve embarrassed yourself enough. The question is now, what are you going to do about it? Whilst I am fully aware you are married and not in fact dead, and even a man on a diet can look at the menu, you have taken this entire thing too far for my liking. And, since you are married to me, my liking is rather important. So, you either let her know you are married, start behaving like a grown up married man or you fuck right off and pursue miss x name at the gym. Those are your choices. Let me know tomorrow”

Jan168 · 09/08/2025 16:23

So he's found out her car and where she works but some how hasn't mentioned the fact he's married. He doesn't have any pictures of you on his SM and 'can't wear his wedding ring anywhere because it's far too dangerous.

I mean OP, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

I'd take a sudden interest in getting fit and tell him how it's clear he is really helping this other girl with her fitness so now you'd love him to do the same for you - and you can't wait to meet her as she sounds like such an inspiration. I bet he won't want you any where near that gym.

Sarah447 · 09/08/2025 16:26

He's lying of course he fancies her. ive had the "I dont fancy her she's too young" with an ex of mine, a new girl started at his office she was 18 he was 26 at the time, same thing he kept mentioning her all the time but when I accused him of fancying her he said no "she's too young, plus she's annoying and has no chin" Well I was still suspicious and then I found out he'd been going out for lunch with her and lying to me about it so I broke up with him cause I could see where it was going. 2 weeks later he was dating her. They actually ended up getting married and had 2 kids. I looked him up last year out of curiosity and he's not with her anymore and is now in a relationship with someone else who he seems to work at the same company with now so looks like he possibly did the same thing again

Ladybyrd · 09/08/2025 16:28

The conversations are one sided because he’s hanging on her every word rather than talking about himself. If he knows all this about her, why hasn’t he even mentioned the fact he’s married? Perhaps she’s just quite self absorbed but more likely because he doesn’t want her to know he’s married.

Next time he brings it up, I’d probably tell him that.

Stressymadre · 09/08/2025 16:36

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:57

He doesn’t wear his ring as it’s ‘dangerous’ to wear it at work or to the gym. His photo on his socials is just of him. Maybe she just accepted but hasn’t taken a look at his profile, so has no idea. She may genuinely just think he’s a nice guy trying to help her out, but creeps at the gym give me the ick, which is why I’m hoping he isn’t becoming 1, and is just being a bit naive and stupid.

Show quote history

My exH also stopped wearing his ring to the gym and for work... then he lost it apparently. You can probably guess why we're divorced.

Blinderina · 09/08/2025 16:36

I would buy him a silicone wedding ring for safety reasons.

He has never once mentioned he is married? You have never come up in conversation? No weekend plan talks, no my wife is making dinner, nothing? Bollocks. He is hiding the fact that he is married from her.

He is a complete tool.

Lemonadeat8 · 09/08/2025 16:37

He’s gushing about her far too much and you’ve just sat and listened?

Absentmindedsmile · 09/08/2025 16:47

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:33

Apparently he lifted his heaviest weight when she was ‘cheering him on’ a few weeks back. He said he gives her advice etc when there are actual PT’s in there she could speak with. He obviously knows his stuff but he’s not qualified.

🤢

Amuseaboosh · 09/08/2025 16:48

Benefitbettyquestion · 09/08/2025 15:07

I am not on the same page as everyone else here. I talk to men at my hobby and I tell my husband things they've said or done. Some of them might know what car I drive. I know other people's schedules if it's always the same days. I don't wear a wedding ring and neither does my husband. Most of them probably know I'm married though but only because my husband is also involved in the hobby. I only really chat about the hobby not personal life so wouldn't really come up in conversation otherwise. In fact there's a few women at the hobby who I talk to semi regularly and I have no idea if they are married or have a partner, same with the men. I only know when their partner also does the sane activity.

Agree with this.

My husband wears a ring all the time, I'm random with mine as my fingers swell so I'll sometimes go weeks without wearing it.

Men I interact with at work and outside always note my car because I'm tiny and I drive a big ass tank (Defender 8 seats).

I also don't not interact with someone because they're male or married etc. Conversation is conversation and a shared interest is just that. I'm sure I could be 'the woman at the gym' - but there's nothing in it from my end!

What you have to look at is if you don't trust your DH, then that needs addressing entirely separately.

breakfastdinnerandtea · 09/08/2025 16:51

Sarah447 · 09/08/2025 16:26

He's lying of course he fancies her. ive had the "I dont fancy her she's too young" with an ex of mine, a new girl started at his office she was 18 he was 26 at the time, same thing he kept mentioning her all the time but when I accused him of fancying her he said no "she's too young, plus she's annoying and has no chin" Well I was still suspicious and then I found out he'd been going out for lunch with her and lying to me about it so I broke up with him cause I could see where it was going. 2 weeks later he was dating her. They actually ended up getting married and had 2 kids. I looked him up last year out of curiosity and he's not with her anymore and is now in a relationship with someone else who he seems to work at the same company with now so looks like he possibly did the same thing again

I’ve had this too. ExH, 2 kids, “I don’t fancy her, she’s ugly and too young and immature”. He cheated, we divorced. He is now married with 2 kids to her.
It’s a tale as old as time, OP. I would be very suspicious with the mentionitis and fact he hasn’t mentioned he’s married, but I also find myself hypervigilant with stuff like this because of my past.

Screamingabdabz · 09/08/2025 16:52

Nope. I’d not be having it. You’re being taken for a mug op. As soon as he gets the green light from her (if they haven’t already) he’ll be shagging her.

Driedupandleft · 09/08/2025 18:36

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:16

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

I hate to be the one to break this to you but mentionitis is one of the symptoms of 'the script' that and alls his mates fancy her but he doesn't?? Who is he trying to kid ffs 🙄🙄
Two choices:

  1. Sit back and let whatever will happen unravel. She may flirt but reject him or it could turn into a full blown affair.....
  2. Tell him straight now that you've clocked him and that the relationship is completely inappropriate and that if he continues to behave the way he his it's a complete lack of respect for your feelings and you will end the relationship if he doesn't put you first and end this silly, playground crush that he has
Freeme31 · 09/08/2025 18:46

He has a crush on her, can you go and see the “vibe” between them? Nip this in yhe bud asap

Original poster
Amy808 · 09/08/2025 18:56

Sorry, I’ve been trying to catch up. Yes we have children. I mentioned going to the gym with him before and he just said ‘ what’s the point, I’ll be in the weight section, you’ll be in the cardio section, we won’t even see eachother’.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 09/08/2025 19:12

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 18:56

Sorry, I’ve been trying to catch up. Yes we have children. I mentioned going to the gym with him before and he just said ‘ what’s the point, I’ll be in the weight section, you’ll be in the cardio section, we won’t even see eachother’.

You can still go you know!

LittlleMy · 09/08/2025 19:13

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 18:56

Sorry, I’ve been trying to catch up. Yes we have children. I mentioned going to the gym with him before and he just said ‘ what’s the point, I’ll be in the weight section, you’ll be in the cardio section, we won’t even see eachother’.

Weird response. Even if you’ll be in different sections, it’s still nice to be able to go together, maybe have a quick drink in between sessions or afterwards and travel back together.

Nibb · 09/08/2025 19:26

BetweenTwoFerns · 09/08/2025 14:33

It’s mad that he’s told you he doesn’t fancy her because she’s too young…like you are his mate or his mam.

Bonkers he has even mentioned her at all!

Some men do this though. It’s weird.