Husband getting close to girl at the gym

[Amy808]

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

Still go with him you should also ho to wrights it is not s men only section. Please go and nip this nonsense in the bud you are letting this happen under your nose. Its not easy but just tell him you are going with him (and into weights section). Do you normally tolerate him dictating where you can go?

Just go to the gym op and start lifting weights. There’s no reason why you can’t and a lot of reasons why you should. Besides checking what your husband is up to, resistance training is good for you.

So as a gym girl myself it’s tricky.

I’m not absolving your husband, at all, but there’s every chance this girl thinks she’s made a platonic gym friend and doesn’t fancy him. There’s every chance she doesn’t know he’s married and does - but I highly suspect she doesn’t fancy him and sees him as a “safe” married gym guy.

You really won’t know unless you happen to go to the gym with him and witness it. You don’t have to be a gym goer to pick up the vibe - if either he acts weird because you’re there or insists you should go home, I’d suggest (even if it’s one sided) it’s uncomfortable.

It’s so hard to know because platonic gym friendships can happen BUT I suspect he has a soft spot for her.

As a girl who IS a gym girl and whose husband goes to a different gym (which I used to train at, but it always gets new people) I’d know if I walked in if there was some young oblivious girl who my husband was mooning over it would be like night and day. I’d also, there was a young girl peacocking round as if all men should love her and my husband was one of them, I’d see that too. My husband never ever would - but we all know our own husbands. He’s 37 and if he kept going “she’s gorgeous but too young for me” I’d see that as bad.

Honestly you won’t know which way it is (eg if it’s one sided and at real risk of anything happening) unless you see it in person, but based on my experience with men and what you’ve said, I’d suspect he has a soft spot and would be pissed off. My husband knows not to try it with me because I’d shout at someone at the gym - but I know everyone and I’m very comfortable with training and as strong as the smaller lads - the girls are scared of me 😂😂

I don't wear my wedding ring to the gym because of the risk of 'de-gloving'.

How that would actually happen is beyond me, but it's mentioned in fitness circles.

Hmm I'm a gym girl too and it's true that people I chat too in the gym probably don't know I'm a mum and in a long term relationship but the chats are very superficial. It sounds like your DH is actually training alongside her. If it were me I would definitely want to make it clear that I was married and not interested that way. They both seem to like the attention, she openly saying about the other guys ogling her and him being singled out as her gym buddy. There's a similar situation going on at my gym right now that me and DP attend and everyone is gossiping about it. I actually said to my DP I feel so sorry for his wife even if they aren't actually having an affair as they are tainted with it now.

This - it’s hard to know unless you see it.

its either one sided (from just your husband) and she doesn’t fancy him or mutual and they both like eachother. Third option (as coffee and cake says) is that they aren’t technically doing anything wrong, but I’d not be happy with my husband training with another woman unless they talked to death about partners, we’re happy if I popped in the gym and were chatty with all others at the gym anyway.

hard to know until you see it, if you do.

You definitely go to your husband's gym. Don't tell your husband about this in advance. Just show up at the gym, happy. Tell him that you've decided to start exercising too and it's nice now that you can exercise together. If your husband gets angry, let him get angry. He can't decide where you exercise. That way you'll also get to see this "not so interesting" young woman. When you get home, check your husband's cell phone later. If your husband has something forbidden going on with this woman, you'll find out now.

I have a similar experience. My husband also does a sport dominated by men. (shooting). He started talking about two women who started going to the track. (Only one was into shooting, the other was just "supporting".) My husband talked about these women as friends. At some point the conversation stopped, I had suspected for some time that something was wrong. I checked my husband's cell phone. I found messages and pictures that told me in harsh language, my husband was having an affair. . Who* (who always came with her "shooting friend" ) had an affair with my husband. The affair ended.

Don't trust your husband, something isn't right.

English is not my primary language, sorry for mistakes.

Well said. I say that because almost every post I have read following the original seems to be jumping to so many conclusions suggesting "he definitely fancies her ..." and so on, and I wouldn't mind betting none of the contributors have ever met the OP's husband. It seems to me there's a couple of issues and you've mentioned the important one; the existing lack of trust. The other, imo, is one of communication and perhaps there's merit in the OP raising her concerns, however they do that in their particular relationship.

The gym he goes to, a couple of my friends very occasionally go too aswel. Must be at different times though as he’s never mentioned seeing them. I’m wondering if he thinks he’s being clever by telling me about his ‘gym buddy’ so if 1 of my friends see’s him chatting to this girl for long periods of time, and comes back to tell me about it.

Are you sure he's going to the gym?

I had an uncle who would 'go to the gym'. Until my aunt found condoms in his gym bag.

Really, he could be going anywhere. At least some of the times.

He definitely goes as his body is ridiculous. Muscles, 6 pack etc. Whether he goes every time he says he is, I can only believe him until he gives me a reason not to. Which I guess could possibly be soon.

Trust your instincts.

What ever you think, it’s worse. Sorry to say.

This..

Another gym girl. It's normal to talk to other people at the gym, it's normal that the conversation is about what you're doing in the gym - I don't tell people about my DH because I don't talk about anything personal, and that's normal. They might know what car I drive if they see me arriving, they'll know roughly where I live because I'll be late and complain about the traffic!

Going to the gym to mark your territory is daft. You either trust him or you don't. I've never known a woman to use the gym as place to date, you're there to train, why would you let a relationship get in the way? And if she's young he probably does think she's hot, I mean men are wired that way, but it sounds like he's very aware that she would see him as a gym dad, and he's trying to avoid being the creepy old guy like his friends are being.

So he is getting his version of events in first in case your friends saw them together perhaps.

Sorry OP, but all these posts saying you need to get down to the gym to essentially mark your territory, I don’t get it.

You shouldn’t have to do this. I really feel that your husband doesn’t have your back, his disloyalty speaks volumes, he is acting what my mum calls “a single married man”.

Phone the gym ask them to put a call out over the tannoy "MESSAGE FOR JIM FROM HIS WIFE. HIS SYPHILIS CREAM IS IN THE PHARMACY READY FOR COLLECTION"

Normal to chat yes. Normal to talk throughout every session and cheer each other on and follow each other on socials when one is married? Nope.

OP seriously you need to go down the gym and see what's going on .. men love an ego boost and you have two young children and are the little wife at home .. it's not about marking your territory it's about knowing the truth

If he’s going to the gym all the time who is doing the childcare and the domestics?

I think it’s weird that he knows so much about her but it’s never come up that he’s married. If they were only talking about gym stuff then fair enough but he knows a lot about her, she knows nothing about him?

Normal to talk every session if you train at the same times. Normal to make conversation about what people are working on and celebrate each others achievements. Normal to follow each other on social media, whether that's 'just' for fitness, or whether you're posting pics of family life. I have plenty of friends from my gym and my sport that I have on my Instagram, never flirted with, or shagged, any of them.
My DH has the equivalent, only his hobby is Warhammer. Should I be jealous if he likes pictures that other people post of their little painted figurines?

I get the impression many people on this thread haven't stepped foot in a gym in twenty years. It's a hobby like any other. Either the OP trusts her husband or she doesn't.

URGH! No wonder so many women on Mumsnet hate men. What an absolute shit your DH sounds @Amy808 I'm so sorry but yes he DOES have a crush on her. I doubt she fancies him though, but YANBU to be worried about this, and I would be contacting her and asking what's going on, as your DH doesn't stop going on about her. Hopefully she will give him a wide berth afterwards!

Fuxake! MEN!

@Hibernatingtilspring i don’t think your analogy is correct. I mean, Warhammer is pretty geeky and I doubt you DH is socialising with an in shape 20 year old anc telling you he doesn’t fancy her ( even though he talks about her a lot). And it’s not normal to mention not being married. enjoy the cool wives club for now …

Funny how these 'men' (like the OP's husband) aren't so willing to chat to, follow on social media, and talk about other MEN though eh? Always women - usually younger women.

How embarrassing for you to assume that most posters on here haven't set foot in a gym in 20 years, just because people are quite rightly saying the OP's husband clearly fancies this girl. Of course he does. How naive to assume he doesn't, and anyone who thinks he does 'knows fuck all about gym etiquette!'

Give your head a wobble!

This. ^ Imagine being that laughably clueless and naive!