Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband getting close to girl at the gym

461 replies

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:16

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

OP posts:
AppleDumplingWithCustard · 14/10/2025 19:47

Of course, given his track record he could be lying about her leaving and putting on an act appearing to be ‘devastated’. He really can’t be trusted an inch.

Joeylove88 · 14/10/2025 20:12

Your posts are all reading like a girl who has a crush on a boy who actually likes another girl but your secretly hoping he will change his mind and want you instead.

Why are you doing this to yourself do you not see how sad that is that hes openly pining for another woman in front of you?! You seem to be either in denial or actively avoiding coming to terms with this reality and I am really sorry because it must be really hard for you but its time you realised your worth and tell him to fuck right off.

ThatBlackCat · 14/10/2025 20:38

Joeylove88 · 14/10/2025 20:12

Your posts are all reading like a girl who has a crush on a boy who actually likes another girl but your secretly hoping he will change his mind and want you instead.

Why are you doing this to yourself do you not see how sad that is that hes openly pining for another woman in front of you?! You seem to be either in denial or actively avoiding coming to terms with this reality and I am really sorry because it must be really hard for you but its time you realised your worth and tell him to fuck right off.

This exactly. You're embarrassing yourself OP by staying and accepting this. He'd have his arse thrown in the gutter with all his possessions if I were you. You're making a fool of yourself, sorry but you are. He is making it so obvious that he loves her. You're staying there like a doormat. You're hoping it's now over. Dream on. He will find a way to stay in contact with her. Even if it were over. This time. There will be another time with some other woman. He won't change. And he won't pick you. Pick up your self respect and throw him out.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 15/10/2025 03:50

Thewookiemustgo · 13/10/2025 18:06

I think a change in attitude and behaviour from him should be the only thing that proves anything now.
Whether she did/ didn’t show up at the weekend or whether he’s lying about the whole thing and she’s actually there every time, he’s just telling you she’s not and has a controlling fiancé to make it ok for him to go unquestioned whenever he wants, really shouldn’t matter.
Whether she is/ isn’t at the gym shouldn’t matter to either of you, because he should know how to behave appropriately and if he did, you should trust him. He doesn’t behave appropriately, therefore you don’t trust him. She’s largely irrelevant here.

I was thinking this - it could all be an elaborate charade, OP only has his word that any of this has happened - including the existence of this woman. The OTT moping etc, the jealous ‘fiance’ it all clears the way to ‘nag-free’ gym visits. It was all very suspicious the momentum of the dramatic ending of it all after OP told him she was getting fed up.

LoversForever · 15/10/2025 04:43

I think you've all been had. There's no way this sort of behaviour would be acceptable in a relationship/marriage.

brunettenorthern91 · 18/10/2025 23:00

@Amy808my view? Your husband overly mentioning she’s engaged means nothing in terms of if they flirt/talk too much. It’s a deflection technique. “It’s not like that, she’s married” is probably cheat 101 gas lighting line.

Let’s consider boyfriend/fiance is real. My opinion? He’s either had enough of her coming home making small talk about your husband so has started to join her sessions to see for himself; is as annoyed as you about their “friendship” and has decided to join and see how she behaves when he’s there;; OR she’s also spun him a line about a “man that won’t leave her alone” when he’s called her out for talking to him and so he’s come (in his mind) to protect her from the strange man talking to her at the gym.

So strange.

Based on your updates - it’s squashed now. I’d be annoyed my husband was deflated some girl doesn’t speak to him now? I had someone at my last job who clearly liked me (my husband could see it too and I out and out mentioned it to him) and beyond friendly small talk, I purposefully avoided him. That’s the normal thing to do. I go to the gym several times a week with my husband in a group training setup, but have trained without him before and trained for 7 years - their setup isn’t normal…

MsDogLady · 18/10/2025 23:57

How are things going now, @Amy808?

Katherine9 · 19/10/2025 12:36

brunettenorthern91 · 18/10/2025 23:00

@Amy808my view? Your husband overly mentioning she’s engaged means nothing in terms of if they flirt/talk too much. It’s a deflection technique. “It’s not like that, she’s married” is probably cheat 101 gas lighting line.

Let’s consider boyfriend/fiance is real. My opinion? He’s either had enough of her coming home making small talk about your husband so has started to join her sessions to see for himself; is as annoyed as you about their “friendship” and has decided to join and see how she behaves when he’s there;; OR she’s also spun him a line about a “man that won’t leave her alone” when he’s called her out for talking to him and so he’s come (in his mind) to protect her from the strange man talking to her at the gym.

So strange.

Based on your updates - it’s squashed now. I’d be annoyed my husband was deflated some girl doesn’t speak to him now? I had someone at my last job who clearly liked me (my husband could see it too and I out and out mentioned it to him) and beyond friendly small talk, I purposefully avoided him. That’s the normal thing to do. I go to the gym several times a week with my husband in a group training setup, but have trained without him before and trained for 7 years - their setup isn’t normal…

There’s also the potential that nothing has changed and OP has been played (again). She confronted someone who works at them gym who shifted all blame onto the mystery female - which OP was more than happy to lap up. Then suddenly, we have these developments suggesting it’s been brought to an end. Maybe her husband got sick of the inference in his genuine love interest and fabricated this development to get her off his back. The sad music and depression is ridiculous to the point of implausible.

Or maybe it’s all fabricated. Like others, I’m starting to wonder.

Heregoes234 · 19/10/2025 16:37

This reminds me of my ex partners affair. The sulking after asking for basic boundaries to even the sad love songs playing. I’m sorry to say OP but I don’t think you can come back from this as for now you’re fixated on this women but a year down the line you won’t be able to move past the utter disregard for you and the complete lack of respect.

In my case the harmless friendship has now turned into them being together now so yeah wasted a year lying to myself that it wasn’t much.

It’s human nature to find other people attractive but this isn’t that. A good man would have put an end to this as soon as it caused issues in your relationship. Him being upset over the engagement is just wild that he talked to you about that given the situation. He can’t help himself he’s consumed.

the next step regardless of what happens with them is you’ll turn inwards. Loose confidence compare yourself and so on and he will resent you more.

One thing I’ve learned is if a man can disregard you like this and not care and act on situations that cause you distress, don’t assume there is a line they won’t cross. Men like this only care about themselves.

Hons123 · 15/11/2025 18:27

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. - People are wrong. It is a problem to have opposite sex friends.

elviswhorley · 15/11/2025 18:59

Sodthesystem · 09/08/2025 14:22

They were too close a couple of months ago.
When he said ' but shes to young for me' and not 'but I'm married'..

Does he talk about his male pals the same way? Bet not.

I'd be going to the gym with him from now on.

He's a chancer and he's big time disrespectful to you.

How sad to be guarding a man like he's a dog that's gonna be napped.

He's an adult person choosing to say 'I fancy this person' to his partner's face.

He probably wants her to dump him so he can pursue this lady without saying 'I want to dump you so I can pursue this lady'

At the very least he's bored of OP and wants to be free to perve on other women.

Don't supervise him. Break up with him. 10 years is a brilliant run for focused romantic attraction.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page