Would you/should I ask this question...

[Rosiecidar]

So, am mid 50s, met a man OLD roughly same age really had a great first date and he invited me on a second during the first date. Met him for lunch today and a walk so about 4ish hours, kept on alluding to "next time" during the lunch and during the walk. Then as we get to the tube we hug etc and he just says see you soon, and I mention I am going on holiday in a few days but he doesn't suggest fixing a date. I send a message thanking him for the lunch he sends one back saying thanks for coming to the lunch and the walk and says have a nice evening. He had mentioned on the walk sending me the name of some podcasts when he reached home but didn't. I feel a bit blown off and can't put my finger on what sort of changed in a few minutes... Would you ask/should I ask ...." I don't want to have any regrets, so I am going to be bold and say I really like you and felt that we clicked...but I sort read a "thanks but no thanks " into our farewell, I hope that I am wrong because I would like to see if we can have the lovely relationship that we are both looking for.." Or alternatively just say "would you like to come to dinner and discuss the podcast that you mentioned?"

If you don't hear from him for a couple of days, I'd be inclined to just say something like "Oi, you said you were going to send me those podcasts!" and see what he comes up with. At this stage I think anything more about where it's all going/not going might be too heavy-handed, and you can judge the spirit of his response.

Hmmm you could maybe send a message asking about podcasts and see what you get back and go from there.
Men are strange at times. Say one thing and do another. 😭😂

I would go on holiday and message him the second question about dinner and podcasts when I’m back.

To be frank I’m a similar age and I’d quite likely forget something by the time I got back home, even if I quite liked the person I was with.

I suspect he’s heard you’re going on holiday so there’s no point in being in close contact until you’re back as you’ll be busy enjoying yourself!

Leave it, go on your holiday and drop him a line when you get back?

So I leave Thursday back on Monday, would you wait, send messages in the interim while away? I am going to a fairly fancy party so will be equally scrubbed up etc !

He may have mistaken your legitimate holiday as a fabricated excuse not to see him again.

Def wait until Monday then message about podcast and finding your white spots!

I definitely wouldn’t send the text you’ve suggested, I would send the text asking for the podcast info. You’re only away for a few days. Just enjoy herself and invite him for dinner when you get back.

I would think, we’ve had two dates, there’s chemistry but it’s very early days. I would focus on enjoying myself for a few days (I would respond to messages he sent, but not initiate another date at this point)

I agree. Or he might have expected you to say ‘im going on holiday but let’s meet when I’m back’

It does sound it could have been taken as you brushing him off tbh.

I think it's a bit intense to ask the question after just 2 dates! Go on your holiday & enjoy it and if you haven't heard from him, i'd take it as he's not interested.

Too much drama too soon to ask that question. Wait until you're back and message him and see if he wants to catch up 🤷‍♀️

I’d casually ask about the podcasts so you look interested and gauge his reply. If you leave it a week he may think you’ve blown him off. But make sure you enjoy your holiday without worrying - it is early days and you don’t know everything about him…

No man I’ve ever known has been backwards in coming forwards. Honestly- don’t chase- it looks desperate and sometimes no answer is your answer

By all means remind him about the podcasts but I would not invite him to dinner at this stage.

Depending on his response, you might want to send him a comment about the podcasts or a photo from your holiday.

Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, right? Just message him tomorrow saying something along the lines of "Hey, those podcasts you talked about yesterday sounded really interesting, don't forget to send me the details." You've made a move without being intense.

I have always found if a man is really interested in a woman, he will make that quite clear. Though this day and age anything goes, but after only 2 dates I certainly wouldn’t be discussing a potential lovely relationship, that sounds bloody desperate imo!

No, don't chase. Let him come to you. If he doesn't, then it isn't because you didn't chase him.

Agree! Even the most shy men. They generally don't have any trouble asking for what they want.

You can open doors but never chase.

Kindly, if a man wants to see you, he'll make the move.

It's pretty simple once you've had 2 dates.

The first is to see if you click at all, the 2nd is to make your mind up.

The way I read this is he's not sure - or he's decided he doesn't want to take it further.

Would you ask/should I ask ...." I don't want to have any regrets, so I am going to be bold and say I really like you and felt that we clicked...but I sort read a "thanks but no thanks " into our farewell, I hope that I am wrong because I would like to see if we can have the lovely relationship that we are both looking for.."

Surely you wouldn't dream of doing this?

You're both in your 50s.
If he's interested, he'll contact you.

Come on- kindly, you're not 16. If men are interested they chase. You shouldn't pester them and tell them how you feel after two dates.

I wouldn't ask a deep question and put your cards on the table like that.

I would try and not get emotionally invested and if you want to see him again instigate the next date. Keep things under review and if it becomes a pattern of him not taking the lead ever, and/or you want someone who is more obviously "into you" (that's what I like/need!) then throw him back,

Could be so many things,
Could be he's jaded with dating
Could be he's a passive kind of guy and isn't actively seeking a full on relationship
Could be that he just likes going on lots of dates with people and is happy with that (how long has he been on the dating apps?)

I think it's too early to read a lot into his actions and put him on the spot/lay yourself on the line like that, but definitely keep it under review and keep looking!

Thank you for the responses so...

1. He knows the trip/holiday is real as I mentioned it on date number 1.
2. He arranged and booked date 2 and throughout the date made reference to meeting again and we were both talking with reference to a future intention
3. It felt intimate we were talking about our lives and he shared some very personal information
4. He was very complimentary about my looks on the first date and I was nicely dressed for this one as a woman crossing a road actually commented on my dress !
5. I know loads of women who basically have been very open about their interest in a guy and have pretty much chased and it's not that the guy has caved in but they want to be with someone who really wants to be with them
6. Re the podcasts quite literally minutes before he was showing them to me on his phone and saying we could talk about them when we next see eachother

@Twelftytwo thank you...so he seemed to have quite a few relationships some a few years, he also mentioned his exes by name - for some reason I found that a little strange but it sort of made it more intimate in a way, but never married.
He's been on the apps two weeks now.
He's very successful, clever and looks massively younger.
I sort of wonder if he's someone who creates an intimate connection by opening up telling you things to make you feel special? or perhaps he genuinely was telling me about himself because he saw this going somewhere.

Hard to know, could be either of those things but I'd say generally a good sign he's only been on 2 weeks (I always preferred newer people 😆). On the other hand he might have a number of other dates going on with that first flurry of interest.

Ah he actually had said he was "looking for a lovely relationship". I take your point though, message one sounds a bit intense