Would you forgive this or is it a red flag?

[ConcernedAndConfused94]

Name-changed for obvious reasons.

My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He’s lovely mostly, thoughtful, good with my friends, remembers the small things. But something happened last night that’s niggling at me and I just need to know if I’m being silly.

We were at a friend’s dinner party and I went to get us drinks from the kitchen. I came back and overheard him mid-conversation telling a story about how we met. He had this whole embellished version, which I know people do sometimes, but then he said I work in finance (I don’t, I’m a teaching assistant) and that I went to private school. I didn’t. I went to a very average state school.

Later I asked him why he said that and he just laughed and said it just sounds better doesn’t it. Like it was nothing. I didn’t push it at the time but it’s really stuck in my head.

It’s not even just the lie. It’s the way he felt the need to make me sound more “impressive” or something. Is that a bit gross or am I reading too much into it? I don’t want to cause drama if it’s just a weird throwaway thing.

Would this bother anyone else?

Ugh. He doesn't think you're good enough as you are. Well, he's not good enough as he is!

Yes I wouldn't like it

I wouldn't stay with someone who does this.

Is he ashamed of your background?

Absolutely not acceptable. He’s showing you what he values.

That’s ridiculous especially after a year. What if they had started asking you about your job and school when you came back?

Yes it would bother me - does he think you're not 'good enough' for his friends? It would make me wonder what he's 'embellished' about himself and if he's been truthful with you!

I’d take that as him saying you’re not good enough if he tells the truth, and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was ashamed of who I am or where I came from so it would be relationship over for me.

What odd behaviour. I’d discuss this with him again and ask why it needed to ‘sound better’

you are only 12 months in. I’d be tempted to end the relationship as he obviously has status issues. He’s the kind who could end you up in debt as he needs the right house/car which you can’t afford! Also he should be proud of what you do, not ashamed!

It would be the end for me - he’s embarrassed about who you are. Fuck him and his outdated snobbery

Who wants to date the male hyacinth bouquet?

Well he lied .. And the lies came free and easy.
Because that's who he is.
A liar.
Get rid op.
Be proud that you realised sooner rather than later..

Had you already met these people? Didn’t they already know what you do?

Two things I wouldn't like

1. he feels the need to make me sound different to impress friends
2. he thinks lying because it sounds better is acceptable.

stuck him in the bin. Enjoy your memories of this year, but move on. You don't want to downs the next 40 years not feeling good enough or not knowing when he's lying via it sounds better.ir is easier.

Dump him & find someone who is more compatible with you and is not a liar. If he lies about this then what else does he lie about? His behaviour shows that he's comfortable about lying when he needs to do so & doesn't think about the impact on others.

Does he have a really good job and did he go to private school? If so then he’s definitely embarrassed that you’re ‘just’ a TA (I was one too. It’s a bloody hard job!) and that you went to a state school.
Seems a bit dickish because he’d look really stupid if his lies were uncovered!

Having someone change my past and facts about who I am would be a deal breaker.

He’s a liar and it seems to come very easy to him.

It takes a calculated person to feel they need to lie about such small insignificant issues like this. Almost likes it’s a game and he gets a kick from it.

It would make me question everything he ever says or does. Not something I’d be willing to live with.

Red flag for me. Sorry OP.

It would bother me.
Funnily enough, I’d almost be more understanding if he did it about himself … even if it is a bit Walter Mitty!
But it’s an insult to the person he’s lying about, namely you.
He shouldn’t need to embellish the truth because you are already ‘good enough.’ If he can’t see that then it’s time to bid the daft twat farewell.

That is so weird.
He’s obviously a massive people pleaser and can lie quite easily.

It’s a shame you’re seeing this a year in, but hmm I’m not sure I would want to be with someone like that.

I’d be concerned at how easily he was able to lie. I was once in a relationship with a man who told ‘white lies’ all the time. In the end, it turned out he was able to easily lie about the big stuff too. So yes, I’d say it was a red flag.

No it’s really weird OP. The odd embellishment I could forgive probably but these are downright lies. He finds it easy to be dishonest and these were his I friends assume? No, just no.

He lied about you to your friends. As your friends, I imagine they know the truth, so immediately saw him for the lying wannabe fool that he is. And he is so stupid it didn’t occur to him that they know the truth.

Along with all the other flaws in his character, he is arse clenchingly embarrassing.

I would like that and it could make things really awkward when they talk to you. If I actually heard him do that I think I may have corrected him in front of the other people at the time.

This is absolutely not the first thing he has lied about to you.

and he’s an idiot as it’s obvious it will come out at some point he’s lied!

To give a bit more context, he comes from quite a different background to me. His parents are both solicitors and he went to a grammar school. He works in tech now and is doing pretty well for himself. I grew up in a council flat with a single mum and went to a very normal comp. I’m a TA at a local primary and I love it but I know it’s not a high status job. It’s never really been an issue between us or at least I didn’t think it was.

He’s made little comments before, like saying I’m “refreshing” or “not like the girls he grew up with” which I took as compliments at the time. But now I’m wondering if it’s more complicated than that. Maybe he likes the idea of me but not the full reality, if that makes sense.

It was the first time I’d met the people at the dinner party and they all seemed quite polished. Lots of chat about skiing and second homes and someone literally brought up their child’s rowing schedule. So maybe he felt out of place too and just wanted to blend in. But still. I didn’t ask him to lie and I definitely didn’t expect him to change basic facts about me.

I haven’t brought it up again since last night. He just brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t want to start an argument in the moment. But I can’t stop thinking about it now. We’re supposed to be going to his cousin’s wedding in a couple of weeks and I’m starting to feel a bit awkward about that too. Like what version of me is going to show up there?

I really care about him and I don’t want to throw something away over one incident but this has left a bit of a bad taste. I think I need to talk to him properly and see if he actually understands why it hurt.

I was about to say the same (correcting him in front the others) but that would have been awkward and embarrassing plus you'd have to deal with his possible anger later.

Massive red flag OP. End it. I would. I don't tolerate snobs. Never have. 😀