Page 11 | Would you forgive this or is it a red flag?

ConcernedAndConfused94 · 2025-08-02T08:55:27+00:00

Name-changed for obvious reasons. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He’s lovely mostly, thoughtful, good with my friends, remembers the small things. But something happened last night that’s niggling at me and I just need to know if I’m being silly. We were at a friend’s dinner party and I went to get us drinks from the kitchen. I came back and overheard him mid-conversation telling a story about how we met. He had this whole embellished version, which I know people do sometimes, but then he said I work in finance (I don’t, I’m a teaching assistant) and that I went to private school. I didn’t. I went to a very average state school. Later I asked him why he said that and he just laughed and said it just sounds better doesn’t it. Like it was nothing. I didn’t push it at the time but it’s really stuck in my head. It’s not even just the lie. It’s the way he felt the need to make me sound more “impressive” or something. Is that a bit gross or am I reading too much into it? I don’t want to cause drama if it’s just a weird throwaway thing. Would this bother anyone else?

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 03/08/2025 11:01

The refreshing you aren't like girls he grew up with implies great you won't expect him to splash his cash..

DearDenimEagle · 03/08/2025 11:13

ConcernedAndConfused94 · 02/08/2025 10:18

To give a bit more context, he comes from quite a different background to me. His parents are both solicitors and he went to a grammar school. He works in tech now and is doing pretty well for himself. I grew up in a council flat with a single mum and went to a very normal comp. I’m a TA at a local primary and I love it but I know it’s not a high status job. It’s never really been an issue between us or at least I didn’t think it was.

He’s made little comments before, like saying I’m “refreshing” or “not like the girls he grew up with” which I took as compliments at the time. But now I’m wondering if it’s more complicated than that. Maybe he likes the idea of me but not the full reality, if that makes sense.

It was the first time I’d met the people at the dinner party and they all seemed quite polished. Lots of chat about skiing and second homes and someone literally brought up their child’s rowing schedule. So maybe he felt out of place too and just wanted to blend in. But still. I didn’t ask him to lie and I definitely didn’t expect him to change basic facts about me.

I haven’t brought it up again since last night. He just brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t want to start an argument in the moment. But I can’t stop thinking about it now. We’re supposed to be going to his cousin’s wedding in a couple of weeks and I’m starting to feel a bit awkward about that too. Like what version of me is going to show up there?

I really care about him and I don’t want to throw something away over one incident but this has left a bit of a bad taste. I think I need to talk to him properly and see if he actually understands why it hurt.

Only read this far, but dump him. Anyone who lies like that to impress is a high risk . Dont be fooled by his being lovely. That’s the live bombing stage. All relationships have a honeymoon phase but this guy will change. He will not be able to keep up the mask of niceness and his real self will be clear. By lying, the mask is already slipping and you’d be silly to ignore this huge red flag

Judecb · 03/08/2025 12:37

Red flag.

MarieAndTwinette · 03/08/2025 12:56

You really do have to consider that this relationship isn’t going to go anywhere. If you stay together long term how will he correct the lie without losing face with his friends? The lie suggests that he doesn’t plan for this to go the distance. Sorry.

He should be proud of you.

Calliopespa · 03/08/2025 13:10

Relaxd · 03/08/2025 03:26

He is insecure. He must realise that this style of lie is easily caught out. You do need to address this o e firmly and quickly whilst it is still fresh.

I’d say to him, people are much more respectful of people who are confident and comfortable with the truth than embellish things to try to make themselves seem more important. Confident and secure people do not need to do that. I’d be clear with him that if I’m asked I will be honest and say I work in education and that they must have been mistaken. If they ask about schooling I’ll just say the local state school and leave it at that. Then I would ask him if he wants to talk about why he is feeling a bit insecure around that group of friends?

I'm afraid I'd be thinking why even bother saying any of this.

I don't think he's a keeper op.

DearDenimEagle · 03/08/2025 22:15

needing to be seen as something more than he is, by having a high value gf. He is gaslighting her by his reaction to being challenged. Lying and gaslighting. 2 very big very red flags, and just because he’s ‘lovely’ other times? C’mon. Love bomb. Acting a part till the victim is hooked. His reaction to being found out lying, the lying itself and being otherwise their MrPerfect are 3 red flags

run and run fast

IdaGlossop · 04/08/2025 16:02

This BF needs to become an ex-BF and start seeing GFs a individuals, not identikit dolls. How hurtful for you, OP. I would be furious too. Please get rid of him. You are worth more. TA is a demanding job, and poorly paid. A real partner would be proud of you for contributing positively to the lives of children.

MustWeDoThis · 05/08/2025 08:55

ConcernedAndConfused94 · 02/08/2025 10:18

To give a bit more context, he comes from quite a different background to me. His parents are both solicitors and he went to a grammar school. He works in tech now and is doing pretty well for himself. I grew up in a council flat with a single mum and went to a very normal comp. I’m a TA at a local primary and I love it but I know it’s not a high status job. It’s never really been an issue between us or at least I didn’t think it was.

He’s made little comments before, like saying I’m “refreshing” or “not like the girls he grew up with” which I took as compliments at the time. But now I’m wondering if it’s more complicated than that. Maybe he likes the idea of me but not the full reality, if that makes sense.

It was the first time I’d met the people at the dinner party and they all seemed quite polished. Lots of chat about skiing and second homes and someone literally brought up their child’s rowing schedule. So maybe he felt out of place too and just wanted to blend in. But still. I didn’t ask him to lie and I definitely didn’t expect him to change basic facts about me.

I haven’t brought it up again since last night. He just brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t want to start an argument in the moment. But I can’t stop thinking about it now. We’re supposed to be going to his cousin’s wedding in a couple of weeks and I’m starting to feel a bit awkward about that too. Like what version of me is going to show up there?

I really care about him and I don’t want to throw something away over one incident but this has left a bit of a bad taste. I think I need to talk to him properly and see if he actually understands why it hurt.

You care about him, but he doesn't care about you. He probably enjoys having sex and creating a false reality to his mates. I think you're being naive because you also built up a better person in your head. Your reality of him, is just as false as the reality he had created about you.

Nobody can tell you what to do, but I do think you might be wearing rose-tinted glasses. You might not feel like throwong it away after one incident, but it's a big, red flag incident. He lied and insulted you, in a very big way.

Tell him to F off and go find himself a Mother-figure elsewhere.

Sadworld23 · 06/08/2025 20:13

Sorry but I think he needs to be your Ex bf.