My partner told me the reason we aren’t engaged is me

[NeatGoldGuide]

I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We went out at the weekend and after a few drinks I had the courage to ask why we weren’t engaged.
He proceeded to tell me that because I’m not in the best financial position (I have a credit card with about £500 on it) and not much in savings, that it would be irresponsible of him to propose until I was more stable, financially.
does this seem fair? I feel like I have to prove myself before I am worthy of getting engaged.

Yes, we should definitely all wait until we’re financially secure before getting engaged. My ex-SIL waited to have children until she and her husband were financially secure and had been on all the holidays they wanted. By then she was 40 and couldn’t conceive. She was absolutely furious that I was pregnant at 26 with only a degree and a professional qualification. Fuming.

So agree with you , by now if he thought anything of you he would have been more committed.

Dear OP, I see you haven’t come back to the thread yet. I hope this means you are busy packing your bags to leave him. Don’t waste any more of your precious time on this man!

It would be a mistake to waste another 7 minutes with him.

Don't waste a single second more with this prince; tell him to take a running jump.

Very amusing. For centuries, that's the way it was with men, having to prove themselves worthy. Not so much fun when the tables are turned on women, is it?
Maybe your more important problem, though, is why you're in a situation where you have to work of the "courage" to ask a basic question. Then you could also ask him: If this is so important to you, why didn't you mention this over the past seven years?

He’s just not that into you OP, sorry.

Everything and nothing. You figure it out it's not for me to tell you.

At least he’s thought about it. Marriage is nothing more than a contract, as much as people like to out on a big white dress and rose tinted spectacles, making it all fuzzy and “romantic”, it’s just a contract where you give 50% of your belongings to another person.

If he has savings or assets, and you have nothing but debt, then I’d say that’s fair enough. I feel the same way tbh, I’ve no real desire to marry someone who has less than me as it’s would put me in a bad position should we split, I’ve worked hard for my house and my savings.

‘I feel like I have to prove myself before I am worthy of getting engaged.’

Please read that back to yourself emphasising the word ‘worthy’, then give your head a wobble and dump this idiot.

First post nailed it! 🤣

Is he perfect?

Because his expectations for you are pretty high.

In my experience, the kind of men who pull shit like this are usually a bit shit themselves.

Time for a new one, I think.

7 years is more than enough time wasted.

So, did you dump him? He obviously sees your relationship as entirely transactional. do yourself a favour and read through some of the posts on here from women who have similar type husbands. If you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who sees your relationship as tit for tat, then by all means continue towards this unhappy goal. Marriage is a huge test of a relationship and what he’s saying is, I don’t see you as a good investment. Believe him and find someone who does.

Happened to me in my mid 20's.
Lived with DP for 4 years. Zero hint of any engagement/future family plans. My hunch always was he wanted a wealthy wife.
So
I left, wasn't going to invest or rather waste more of my best years.
Bingo, he married a high flying alpha female high earner ( more than him ) .
Years later bumped into his best friend who confirmed my hunch was spot on.
In general
men won't marry you unless you tick THE major must have box on their often secret list.
Could be anything:
Background/family/social/ethnic/religious,looks/size, education, income.
It's not having 500 credit card debt, he wants a high earner too, probably.

Yep. Get going.

Leave with your head held high. No drama, no arguments…just yeah, I heard what you gave as your reason and I thought it was shit. I’m worth more and I’m off.

😂

You know it’s just an excuse, right? £500 on a cc is next to nothing. The truth is he doesn't want to marry you. If being married is important to you, then find someone else. He's just going to carry on stringing you along forever with lame excuses.

This!!!

7 years is ages. More than enough time to wait. Time to move on.

It's fair enough to be concerned about tying yoursel to someone who has no savings and a bit of debt. It's absolutely shit to be in a relationship with someone for 7 YEARS and to bring it up now as a reason for not getting married. OP, he doesn't value you enough, make your exit plan and leave. Don't try to change your finances and win him round etc. He just doesn't value you enough. You will find someone who does, but not while you're stuck with him bringing you down.

Get rid of him immediately please.

I suspect that's an excuse and he is never planning to propose. Which is a good thing -(for you OP) get rid asap

So he's a weener.

7 years though...I mean you've waited and tolerated it far too long. Next you'll be telling us you've had his kids already.

You're wasting your time. He's a loser. Run.

He’s just making excuses but I have no doubt if you were loaded, he would have proposed years ago.