My partner told me the reason we aren’t engaged is me

[NeatGoldGuide]

I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We went out at the weekend and after a few drinks I had the courage to ask why we weren’t engaged.
He proceeded to tell me that because I’m not in the best financial position (I have a credit card with about £500 on it) and not much in savings, that it would be irresponsible of him to propose until I was more stable, financially.
does this seem fair? I feel like I have to prove myself before I am worthy of getting engaged.

That’s not a significant debt. Whats his financial situation? The upshot is he doesn’t see a future with you and chooses to blame you for that rather than own his own feelings. He sees himself as superior to you.
Stop wasting your time end it and move on. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you

Have you any idea what level of borrowing he would find acceptable????!

Doesn't really matter if it's fair or not. It's how he feels and what he wants/ needs from a relationship. He's entitled to want what he wants, and if it was a woman wanting this from a man, no one would bat an eyelid.

However it is quite astonishing you've been together for 7 years and he hasn't spoken to you about this before now. That would make me think he's been stringing you along.

This!

I think he's being quite sensible. Why should he hitch himself to someone less financially sensible than him?

This man does not want to marry you. If you’ve been together 7 years, you haven’t already joined finances and he hasn’t proposed he never will.

Flip! I had no savings but a next pay check. My bloke had £1000 and no job. He offered all the money he had for an engagement ring.

That’s a poor reason not to get engaged . If he’s wealthy or financially responsible he may assume amalgamating finances is not sensible when in his mind running up credit card and no savings is not responsible

Plenty of young women would be advised to avoid marrying a man who wasn’t financially stable because no matter how in love they are, it’s not a stable basis to build build a home and a family from.

He has been honest with you and now it’s up to you to decide what to do with that information. Your partner isn’t wrong for how he feels, he’s just sensible. It would be worse if he were encouraging you to live a life you can’t afford.

That’s an insignificant amount of debt so unless he’s really wealthy that sounds like an excuse. Even if he is really wealthy it would then take you ages (depending on your income) to catch up to him so again sounds like an unrealistic standard. IMO sounds like he’s reflecting it on you so that you fixate on trying to fix the ‘money problem’ instead of realising that he has no intention of marrying you.

Women on here have asked similar questions and been told to dump the man.

Lack of savings is a bit of a block to having a weddings or progressing in my opinion.

I would get curious with yourself. Why did you need to have a few drinks to work up the courage to speak to hin about your future? Have you not discussed your future plans in the seven years you have been together? Does he know you want to get married? That’s a LOT of time to spend with someone who you don’t feel safe talking about your life plans with!

£500 on cc is far, far below the national average of debt for an individual.

It's not about the money, if op had no debt and 2k in her account he still wouldn't be proposing.

Hmm i wonder what the next excuse will be when you have no debt? Because this has nothing to do with money.

He just doesn't want to get married and is too much of a coward to tell you.

Leave him.

He has no intention to marry you and sounds like a complete idiot.

... it would be irresponsible of him to propose until I was more stable, financially.

You're both adults; if one of you proposes and the other has some reason not to want to get married then the reluctant partner declines the proposal and explains why. Saying it would be "irresponsible" for HIM to propose sounds like you're a child and he's a responsible adult like your dad deciding what's best for you and explaining patiently that it's for your own good. But after seven years, if marriage is a real possibility I would have expected it to come up already and he should have told you if there was some change in circumstances needed before he'd consider it. I suspect it's not a real possibility to him and he's making an excuse.

On a practical level, £500 on a credit card is unremarkable and plenty of people carry that kind of balance (and quite a bit more) and wouldn't necessarily have made clearing it a priority. The discrepancy in income seems more of a problem; are you in a situation (for example, actively working on a. dare or qualification) where you'll likely be making much more in the near future? And if you do marry and later on one of you loses your job and has to take a lower-paying one, would it be irresponsible to STAY married?

Marriage is not the be all and end all but the fact he has to make excuses for why he doesn't want to marry you is a red flag. Do you own a property or does he? It looks like he is protecting his assets if he owns. People are awkward these days and you need to put yourself first. Can you save to buy a property of your own and have a relationship that way. I've heard some stories of how women are poorly treated by their partners.

What
A
Knob

It really does.I mean, c’mon saying to your partner, you have £500 on a credit card and because of that l won’t marry you😂 until you’ve sorted yourself out!
He sounds like a right, catch!

That would be his an ex for me.

I seem to be going against the grain here but I want more info.
you’ve been together 7 years so you are likely over 27. And you have 500 savings. Are you a terrible spender. Do you have champagne tastes but don’t have the means to afford it. Is he carrying you financially?

if my adult child asked my advice I’d tell them to think twice. Romance js all well and good but if your partner has no financial intelligence, life’s beyond their means and shows no signs of maturing that’s going to fuck up the relationship long term

100% this, with knobs on.

If he was your life partner and love, he wouldnt say that

I tell my daughter's the opposite and to get their own shit. Don't rely on no man to give it to you. All she has is a £500 credit card whoopee that's not exactly bankruptcy level. The way things have gone on in the last 10 years with the me to movement men are much more risk averse.

Sorry OP. I think your gut is telling you this is not ok which is why you’ve posted here. His response suggests he thinks you are not ‘good enough’ but good for now. This does not reflect anything on you but reflects very badly on him. He clearly thinks he’s a bit of a prize. I’d honestly suggest you think about things carefully and perhaps make some tough decisions. For me the things that cause me concern are: (a) his reason for not getting engaged is not convincing (b) it’s been 7 years (c) you’ve not been able to ask him about this until now and you’ve had a few drinks. After 7 years I’d expect some kind of discussion about how to build a life together but it sounds like time has just been ticking by without clear plans for the future. I think he thinks he holds all the cards and you need to show him that he does not. I don’t know if you want children but as someone who met my DH later in life than I hoped, fertility was an issue, which is something to be mindful of if you would like children. Really don’t waste time. It’s better to be single than with someone who will grind your self esteem to the ground. Good luck.