My partner told me the reason we aren’t engaged is me

[NeatGoldGuide]

I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We went out at the weekend and after a few drinks I had the courage to ask why we weren’t engaged.
He proceeded to tell me that because I’m not in the best financial position (I have a credit card with about £500 on it) and not much in savings, that it would be irresponsible of him to propose until I was more stable, financially.
does this seem fair? I feel like I have to prove myself before I am worthy of getting engaged.

Cheeky fucking twat. Is someone really loved you and wanted to marry you at some point they'd want that even if you were penniless. I'd get yourself away from this cheeky fucker and find yourself a decent man who doesn't try and make you prove yourself so hard. God I feel such rage on your behalf! You deserve much much more

It’s a pretty shit excuse, isn’t it? Chuck him in the sea OP, he’s stringing you along.

Exactly! OP should sort out her own shit. How does she expect to get married and do the usual things that go along with that when she has nothing behind her expect debt?

Once you paid off this £500 debt, he will come up with another excuse. As that's the way he sees things after 7 years, you may as well give him his P45 and tell him he's not needed.

£500 is not a large debt!

He doesn’t want to marry you, that’s why he has not proposed

just leave and find someone better

That’s awful, he doesn’t love you. His finances can’t be the best if he’s so focused on yours. Dump and find someone better.

Me and my partner have been together 18yrs have two children and we’re not married. We’ve been ‘engaged’ 4 years after we met but life got in the way for various reasons. We are still together, I know I’ll get flamed for not being married due to not being financially stable etc if we were to break up but just saying people can and do stay together regardless of being married or not. Good luck with whatever decision you choose!

Why do you want to marry him? Sounds like a turd.

If the partner was a she I think most comments would say it's sensible. £500 debt may not seem so much but if DP has lots of savings and wants someone who can contribute to a deposit for a nice home and someone who he can share nice experiences with without having to carry all the financial burden I can understand him not wanting to marry you. 7 years ticking along waiting for someone to get in a better financial position though seems like a waste of time. He should have ended things by now if you aren't the person he wants to build his life with.

My husband proposed to me after 7 years when we were in our 20’s. I had no debt, but no savings either, I was just at the start of my career. He was the same except he had a massive, inherited trust fund that he was about to cash in to buy us our first house together.

If he doesn’t love you enough to share his worldly goods, he’s not worth keeping.

What's his financial position? If its much better than yours then to be fair if a woman posted on here to say that they had lots of savings and their partner had none, everyone would be responding to say not to get married.

Also depends on if your financial positions are likely to change in the future, how old you are, whether you're planning children, and if you have joint finances/ if he already subs you

If he's thinking like that, he doesn't love you. He's an arsehole for stringing you along for so long!

'I'm waiting until you're wealthy enough to be worth my while.'

The old romantic.

Dump him. If that's the best he can do after seven years, then you can do better.

I mean, without further details I kind of agree with him? No kids yet presumably (if kids that’s a different story), a fully grown adult, and a full time job.

I must admit, I used to find it a bit of an orange flag when I met someone with no savings/in credit card debt without kids or extenuating circumstances.

£500 debt is nothing. Sounds like an excuse. Maybe think twice in whether you want to be married to this guy.

Prenups are not fool proof in England.

Wow and you have waited 7 years to discover this ?
Hope you don't wait 7 years to finish with him.

It all depends OP on whether you are irresponsible with money. If you're a bit of a spendthrift and he tends to pick up the bills, I can understand him being wary of long-term commitment.

Not saying you are, obvs, but you haven't said!

He doesn't think you are financially responsible enough to marry, after 7 years. He's very unlikely to start a family with you. Unless you keep paying it off and then wildly spending, it's just an excuse I'm afraid.

So assuming this isn’t a post with bucket loads of context and drip feeds which we don’t yet have, he doesn’t see you as his true life partner. You don’t not marry someone you truly love over £500.

In principle I do think going into a relationship relatively financially equal (in attitude and actual numbers) is wise, but it’s hard to avoid the conclusion he’s simply not the one and you need to move on.

Save yourself future divorce costs and bin him off now as you're incompatible.

Then sort your own financial situation out, get a better job, earn more money & clear your debts.

Sorry, but just not that into you. Stop wasting your time with him, dump him and move on.
He's using you as a holding space. Please really think about it. You are better than this, and you deserve more.

I'm sorry op, the least romantic thing I've ever heard.

I feel like I have to prove myself before I am worthy of getting engaged.

Wow.

If 7yrs isn't enough, what will be?

Not sure how old you are Op.

I was nearly 30 when I met my husband & 6 months in we talked about kids & marriage.

Neither of us wanted to waste time!