My partner told me the reason we aren’t engaged is me

[NeatGoldGuide]

I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We went out at the weekend and after a few drinks I had the courage to ask why we weren’t engaged.
He proceeded to tell me that because I’m not in the best financial position (I have a credit card with about £500 on it) and not much in savings, that it would be irresponsible of him to propose until I was more stable, financially.
does this seem fair? I feel like I have to prove myself before I am worthy of getting engaged.

Firstly, why is it his decision alone?

Lame excuse. Just doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t see you as an equal.
Spoiler: nothing you ever do will be good enough.
People who want to get married get married.

What's his financial position compared to yours?

He's been with you for 7 years your finances are not new to him he's known for that long that he doesn't want to marry you, conveniently forgetting to tell you that and stringing you along.

This

Do you live together?

Wow! I agree with everything that everyone else has said!
Hope you’ve arranged a singles holiday and downloaded Tinder already.

£500? That's pennies! Pay it off and he'll find another excuse not to get engaged! Red flags galore here!

What a horribly cruel thing to say to someone you're supposed to love. OP, he's very firmly told you that he sees you as not worthy of him. Walk away. You will never be his equal, and you don't want to end up taking maternity leave with someone who is so very precious about whose money is whose.

When someone shows you who they really are... believe them.

Oh dear. It’s a shame you had to wait so long to discover he isn’t in love with you and doesn’t want to share his life with you. (Whether he would actually marry you if you were to win the Euro Lottery tonight is neither here nor there.)

As someone with a lot of hindsight to lean on - I’m afraid you need to be brave and end things.

Hmm not enough info for me to say.

If you have no savings + debt, and he has £10,000 saved, I wouldn’t want to marry you and any woman posting on here with her own money & assets would be told not to marry a skint man and open herself up to him claiming any part of it. Totally fair advice.

If neither of you have any savings though then that’s different.

It's not the money thing, he doesn't want to marry you, ypu are his placeholder until he finds something better (to him) I epuld be taking some control back and put myself first, start thinking about the qualities you want in your husband (not him) and start actively dating for him.

I have mixed feelings about this one because I don't have enough information. In the main I think that the relationship means less to him that it does to the OP, and if marriage is what she wants then it's time to look elsewhere. That said, does he have money, savings, a house, assets? Because if a woman with all those things was in a relationship with a man with next to nothing, everyone would have been telling her not to marry him!

I had the courage to ask why

Life it too hard if you have to find courage to ask about your future.

Find someone who will be open about his future and how he sees you as part of it.

If he wanted to he would. Start planning a future without him. Get a room in a shared house. Get a live in job. Travel the world. Don’t wait around for this person to put an engagement ring on your finger. It’s 2025. I’ve been divorced since I was 29 and have no intention of marrying ever again.

Dear god - what on earth are you doing?! I hope you're not thinking of ever having children with this man - he will not be paying a penny towards them. Why are you so desperate to be in a relationship that you would put up with this crap?

As always the first reply nails it.

Your man has his eye on the purse strings more than you.

You’re not exactly partners if you had to get drunk to pluck up courage to ask why you weren’t engaged after being together 7 years!
“Hey DP, shall we get married?” Is very easy to say.

So would I.

Or maybe the OP fritters her money away and relies on her boyfriend to fund everything?

After 7 years, he still doesn't want to marry you? Because of £500?

He's not really your partner.

This. I was going to add to my own comment that he clearly associates value as a partner by financial contribution. How exactly does that work with children when many women take a massive financial/career hit? And even if they don’t there are suddenly childcare costs and bigger cars, and all the expense of raising a family.
I suspect when OP has no money left at the end of each month because she’s been the one to pay nursery fees, buy the new clothes and shoes etc. He’ll probably then turn around and say “but where has all your money gone? WHY have you had to use your credit card?” Douchebag.

I’m a bit confused at the responses - if a man was irresponsible with money or had no savings everyone would be saying nooo girl don’t marry him! So why should a man not want a woman who is good with money?

But that’s just me playing devils advocate because clearly he just doesn’t want to marry you. A man who is in LOVE will do anything for a woman. And also, women need to be able to be not earning and the man be cool about it - they have to carry babies. He’s not a keeper. Not only that but 7 years!!!? Your finances aren’t a household thing? He’s still playing what’s mine is mine and yours is yours? Ew no. Get rid.

Pay attention to all the previous posters who are quite correct in advising you to get rid. He's a controlling arse who has diminished you to a position where you are are going to him with a begging bowl and he's gleefully keeping you dangling like a puppet on a string. Take control now and boot him to the back of beyond.

£500?! Some people have 20 grand of credit card debt!
£500 is nothing! That could be paid in a couple of months easily.

Btw, my ex also berated me for having credit card debt, even though I was paying part of his rent for him.

You can do so much better than this! You shouldn't feel you have to pluck up the courage after 7 years, it should be a discussion you feel confident having.

Please know you can do so much better! This man is not kind to you, and I've been in the same situation.

By the sounds of it if that was the case, she'd have known about it long before now.

It remains to be seen if the OP comes back for us to find out if there's a huge backstory.