My partner told me the reason we aren’t engaged is me

[NeatGoldGuide]

I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We went out at the weekend and after a few drinks I had the courage to ask why we weren’t engaged.
He proceeded to tell me that because I’m not in the best financial position (I have a credit card with about £500 on it) and not much in savings, that it would be irresponsible of him to propose until I was more stable, financially.
does this seem fair? I feel like I have to prove myself before I am worthy of getting engaged.

What on earth does Me Too - a movement about sexual abuse - have to do with this?

I've never heard such nonsense

Me neither.

You poor poor thing. 7 years invested in a relationship for him to say he won’t marry you because you don’t have enough money. No “for richer, for poorer” here op, please find someone who loves you for you 💐

This ^

If you’ve been together for seven years and had to have courage to ask that, then you shouldn’t be together anyway.

"Why aren't we engaged?"

"I'm not that into you, and besides that, I think I'm better than you, because I have more money. However, I'm stringing you along, incase I can't find anyone better (although I'm relatively certain I will be able to, because me and my fat wallet are God's Gift)".

Sorry OP, at least you know where you stand though x

I think this depends on a few factors, your age, why you have no savings and your financial position relative to his. I wouldn't marry someone who was bad with money either, it's a serious step and unfortunately not all about romance

What a knob...Seriously

So he is perfect,has thousands in savings , high income , a house , big car no time that he maybe left

Sorry @NeatGoldGuide but this is just a dishonest and pitiful excuse. If you’re committed and really want to marry him then I’d throw this one back as it doesn’t sound like he wants the same. Don’t waste any more time with him.

So would I

Fuck all the way off, is what I would say.

If you are financially irresponsible and live paycheck to paycheck, and spend on luxuries etc every month which is the reason you have no savings, then he might have a point.

It might just be that you are financially incompatible.

However, it might just be an excuse.

I had a conversation with my husband just before we moved in together (renting in London, before we got engaged). I told him I didn’t think we’d ever be able to buy because I had no savings (despite working in a professional job- renting in London and being a bit stupid with money in my twenties). I assumed he was in the same position and we moved in together. A year later he proposed and I was so happy because he is the love of my life. Shortly after he bought us a house. He didn’t come from a rich family… he’d been saving since he was 16. He didn’t care that I had no financial assets. We’d also only been together for four months before we moved in together, and have only been together five years now… we are a married, living in our house, with our two beautiful babies. You have been with this man for 7 years. Unless you met at 16, that is huge waste of your youth and fertility. Don’t stay with him any longer. He has shown you that you are not his person. It isn’t about £500. Please go out there and find someone who thinks you are worth 1000 times that much, because I am sure you are.

Dear Lord, what a prince you’ve snagged.
Op run for the hills.

I agree with this tbh.

If the tiny cc debt is the only issue and you’re sensible with money in general, then it’s an excuse. And pathetic.

But if you’re always down to your last tenner at the end of the month because you’ve prioritised spending and socialising, it might be getting on his nerves.

You know the truth I’m sure.

Do you live together? Does he earn more than you but insist bills are split 50-50? Do you actually have the same opportunity as him to save?

Im sorry Op you must be feeling awful right now. But look at this as a gift. Now you know. A man who really wanted to marry you would have raised this as an issue himself. He would be working with you to fix the issue. It wouldn’t take Dutch courage for you to approach him.

Please leave him. Do it safely and in a way that puts you in the best possible position. This may mean staying quiet while you put together and execute an exit plan. Don’t feel bad about this. He has not been honest with you and is making excuses It’s time to put yourself first.

@Teado A person might be down to their last tenner at the end of the month because they earn far less than their dp who insists they split the household bills 50/50 despite their huge disparity in income.

When the OP comes back with further details it might be clearer.

First answer nails it.
Twat.
Stop wasting years on a tosser.

Absolutely - you can also just be financially incompatible in the ways you spend and use money - doesn't make either partner wrong, it's just not the basis for a happy marriage.

However, if the DP has already clocked that he's never going to propose because he can't see a financially secure future together then he's being an absolute arse for stringing her along.

Awful. Why are you tolerating such disrespect? You deserve better

Not enough information here to form an opinion. If you had debt when you committed to the relationship and undertook to pay it off and then save and have continued to spend the he’s being perfectly fair. If on the other hand you had no debt, paid your cc off in full each month etc and have substantial savings then a whole different ball game.

Most younger people don't have big savings but might have a job. This too can change. Shall we all never marry and just wait

TBH I'd judge a man the same if he wasn't financial stable enough to not live paycheque to paycheque and not be able to save up without credit cards.

It seems he calls all the shots - you shouldn't have to ask him why you aren't engaged. Clearly he doesn't want to be engaged to you, and that's enough reason to leave him and find someone who appreciates you.