Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

If she is genuinely a friend that he goes to in difficult times then you would already know about her, wouldn't you? Probably would have met her before. That would tell me all that I need to know. I am so sorry, he's been caught out and now he's lying to hold on to you. Only you can decide if you want to stay with a cheater. Lots of people on here do, but I wouldn't, your relationship would never be the same again. Sending you strength.

PS. And in case you need to hear it - this is not about you. You've not done anything wrong. No one is 'driven' to cheat. He's made horrible choices and that is on him.

So he's a cheat.

I'd be going for an STI test.

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Of course she’s telling the truth OP. As PP says, if she was truly just a close friend of his then you’d know her too.

Assuming there are no kids involved, book yourself an STI test and keep him out of your life. He’s not worth it.

sorry you’re going through this op. He’s a classic cheating scumbag.

He’s a liar and a cheat. I’m so sorry op. Dump him and move on, he can’t be trusted.

I've never heard of her in the 4 years we've been together.

According to her they met on hinge 5 years ago, dated but it fizzled out. She only then heard from him when things were a bit tough between us. She claims they had sex in a hotel last September then again 5 years ago.

According to him, they met on hinge but there was no connection so it was just a friendship only. She is the one responsible for messaging him but they've never had sex.

All their messaging was done on Snapchat. How convenient from a covering your tracks perspective.

She's got no reason to lie to you, he has and you've seen proof he goes there and says nothing about it to you.

I called her using the phone function on Instagram last nignt. She answered and was very apologetic and above all, genuine. I asked if their sex was unprotected and she said yes.

I had to phone and book myself in for an sti test this morning, breaking my heart down the phone to the woman when she asked what it was I needed.

I do have a child but from a previous relationship. But he's been in their life since they were practically a baby so hes been such a big part of growing up.

He's literally destroyed me beyond all belief.

So she knew he wasn’t single when she slept with him? But had suddenly had a fit of conscious and decided to tell you?

Of course he’s lying and a cheat but I very much doubt her motives are coming from a good place tbh as she was a willing participant in his cheating.

Tell him you need space to process this and to stay away and give you that time.

Yes you should dump his cheating arse but take time to get your head straight first

5 days ago*

I am so sorry. He is back-pedalling because he's been caught out. It's so hurtful and unfair. You will get past this, I promise, but right now I am sure you are reeling. And I honestly do think that if it was a shoulder to cry on, you would know about her, the fact that you don't suggests he goes to her for other things. I'm not sure why she reached out to you or whether she is to be trusted either, but you don't need to worry about her or her motivations, this is about the choices he has been making and the fact that he clearly chose to cheat.

He’s lying to you. They always do. Really sorry, OP.

He'd told her that we'd broken up and was calling and messaging her upset. She said she fully believed we had split and he was single because of what he'd told her.

According to him, when he was there 5 days ago, she started telling him how she loves causing bother and destroying people's lives. Hes then had some sort of realisation that she wasnt good news and left. . .

But she was such bad news he continued to text and call her every day after that as per the call logs.

The worst part is being totally stuck in the middle. If im honest, in my heart of hearts, I believe her. She owes me nothing and doesn't appear to want to be with him either.

I just wish he would tell me the truth, but he never will.

Shame she didn’t tell you all this before she fucked your husband.

He’s a liar and a cheat and she clearly wants you to know that so that she can have him. If I were you, she’d be welcome to him. But if you want to keep him, you need to get him to start being honest with you and see if you can work on things from there. If he’s going to keep lying then why would you want him and how would you believe a word he says in future?

I think you know the answer OP given mention of this "friend" has never occurred prior.

So sorry you're having to deal with this at what was already a difficult time. Must have been genuinely awful to receive such as message.
I don't think he deserves you. His priority is someone else when the going gets tough. You can't rely on him. Not what you need for a happy and healthy future. Take care xxx

I think she’s hoping you’ll break up with him and she’ll have him to herself, let them, she knew you were together, not like it’s a suprise to her, it’s calculated, he has lied and cheated, not worth having back.
Besides the relationship is rocky and already not working, it’s for the best to move on.

Personally, I think if this was all above board then

1. you would be well aware of this woman and their close friendship, but the fact you weren’t aware of her speaks volumes

2. unless they had a close friendship that you knew about then I don’t think he would be asking her for support. Men generally go to other men for support, or a family member, not some random woman that he’s never spoken about before.

3. if they had a legitimate, close friendship then I don’t believe it would be conducted solely on Snapchat where everything conveniently disappears.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I‘m afraid she is telling the truth. Seems to me that she was deceived as well.
To be honest though her motives don’t matter. What matters is his behaviour towards you. I have been in the same position - unfortunately though I discovered it myself, wish some woman had texted me as well, would have saved me time and pain - and left him cold turkey. I am single at 47 and have never been happier.
Mind you, I suspect something similar happens with a man I recently met and dated on Tinder. Have stopped seeing him as it smells like „married“ to me but I do feel kind of sorry for his wife, If my instincts are right. Doesn’t she have the right to know? Imagine how many other women he has dated and the STIs he might be bringing home. Married men dating women on apps is mpre common than we think. Be careful ladies.
Leave him OP. Take some time to process all this and leave him.

I don’t know if her motive for telling you is because she wants him but to be honest, I’d pack his bags for him because if that’s the case, they deserve each other.

There wouldn't have been anything to tell at that point though would there?

Why would he reach out to a rando that he met on a dating app every time you have issues OP - doesn't he have any actual friends? The only reason he's reaching out to her is because he knew she'd have sex with him. She's not a close friend, she's a warm body, the only time he contacts her is when you two fall out - how can that be a close friend?

OP you can do much better than this lying, cheating ass wipe.

Agree that his story is a pack of lies. He’s got no one else to confide in other than some random woman from a dating app who he knows is up for a shag? Honestly the shit some men will come out with

You know he’s a lying piece of shit OP - tell him to move out (if you live together) and give yourself peace and space

You know the truth. He cheated. I wouldn’t be surprised if he orchestrated the fight so that he could go to her and cheat on you. Some men do this…. Narcissistic men do this.