Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

Agree. I'm not sure she's the good samaritan she's trying to paint herself as either.

I suspect her motive in telling you does have something to do with freeing him up; she knows he casts round for her when at a loose end. Sounds like a desperate Debbie.

They both sound like people I'd want to be done with.

She's not lying why the hell would she be
Don't let him pull that trick op
Reach out to people you trust and start to get your ducks in a row and kick him out when ready

This. In a nutshell. He’s been found out. And frankly OP it really doesn’t make any difference whether sex is involved or not. He’s formed an emotional attachment to this woman and runs to her for comfort when things are rough between the two of you. That’s the real betrayal and it’s unforgivable.

„the person who has ripped away the foundations of your life“

wow - I felt that…so true and so deep. Your heart is ripped apart in pieces. How can they do this to the person that has loved and nurtured them so deeply? For whom? A random stranger. A woman who has never taken care of them or stood by them in difficult times.
I have been heavily traumatized for sure and I trust no man anymore.

If you stay, it’s going to happen again. Cheaters will cheat.
Sending you love.

This.

Apart from anything else, it's quite odd behaviour on her part. What would this woman hope to gain from doing this. It's hardly going to make her look good in the eyes of your partner is it. Would he want to run off with someone who causes that kind of trouble. She sounds like a weirdo. I'm sure there's something going on but toy might as well point out to your partner that she's a troublemaker and what is he doing with skneone like that.

Perhaps she no longer cares to look good in the eyes of this cheating liar? And given that his latest defence is to paint his 'friend' as a malicious loon who he's suddenly decided to ditch, it would gain OP nothing to point out this woman is a troublemaker. OW may be causing trouble for him by revealing what he's up to, but what he's up to is the main issue, not the fact that she's revealed it or why.

My opinion, is other woman contacts the wife/partner for one of 2 reasons.

1. shes sick of him saying he’s going to leave. She wants him 100% and telling u makes him homeless and she is waiting.
2. wants to hurt the man, doesn’t want him. Wants him miserable

Being other woman is crap - but it was her choice.

She does not seem like she has a long term with him, she’s just available …. Sad for her.

I wouldn’t want to get involved with her. Focus on what you want. She is extra baggage.

She has probably just tried to do the right thing. Let his wife know so that she can make decisions and punish this guy so that other women don’t go through the same thing.
The fact she did this proves she doesn‘t want to stay with him exactly for the reason you mentioned. He must be mad at her.
I think we should let the wife know. Wish someone had told me earlier. Yes. Sometimes you shoot the messenger because you can’t hate the person you love instantly, however once you are able to process it all you realise it was for good. Your own good.

I'm sorry you are going thru this. I think you know what you need to do.

We all give you permission to dump the lying cheater X
Don't be that girl who does the pick me dance 🩰

I'm confused why some pps seem to think the exam question here is whether the OW seems like a nice person.

It's whether she's telling the truth- and it seems likely she is, especially given DH's embarrassingly unconvincing explanation that she just loves ruining people's lives (was she cackling and rubbing her hands in glee over a hot cauldron when she allegedly said this to him, I wonder?).

Honestly, he's a walking cliché and you should get rid, OP.

I would look at it this way: you were in a not very happy or stable relationship for a long time. If he was running off to her last year when you going through a rough patch, things have not been good for awhile. You were back and forth about whether to try to fix things or not.

Now you have your answer 100% what is the right thing to do. Absolutely no doubts. No need to second guess anymore. There is no future here and you can move forward knowing you did the best thing you could for yourself and your child. This is a gift. It doesn’t feel like it now, but on day it will.

Yeah I know. I get that. I was just wondering g what on earth someone would do that for as it seemed so self defeating.

Whether he’s slept with her or not (I am sure he has) he’s been disloyal so you can do better.

It's only self-defeating if she wanted him back. Perhaps she's sick of being used and would rather tell OP than let the current situation carry on?

I’m so sorry, I think you know what the truth is and what to do. It’s probably very easy to hate the OW right now but one day you’ll realise she gave you a wake up call. Ditch your scum bag partner

Yeah. Quite possibly.

i think you need to be kind to yourself

he is lying and you need to bin him!

This is terribly sad for you, Wiselass and I can almost feel your pain. However I am glad for you that the relationship is over, you're better off without him, he would have done it again.

Time will heal. Be kind to yourself.

Her intentions arent good op. She knows about you yet lets him go see her and sleep with her and then sends you receipts of them being together. You should go ghost on him and not give into it. Im telling you he will try crawing back but let him be known you’re not the type of woman that likes recycled trash.

As if anyone admits or even says they like 'destroying peoples lives and causing bother!
Hes just trying to wriggle out of it, course they've slept together, I think by telling you, does just rubbing your face in it, kick him out and tell her she's welcome to him. You deserve better.
There's an old saying...marry the mistress it leaves a vacancy!!

There is no doubt in my mind that he is lying. I’d let the other woman have him and good riddance.

Just wanted to comment to say sorry to you OP - I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. Sending you strength during this time… 🌷