Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

According to him, when he was there 5 days ago, she started telling him how she loves causing bother and destroying people's lives. Hes then had some sort of realisation that she wasnt good news and left. . .

Until this point, there was a bit of me that wasn't convinced. But this is so much a part of the cheater's script, that any doubts have gone.

He's definitely been cheating.

He’s lying. You know that.

He's a lier, willing to risk your sexual and mental health. I don't understand why they cotinue to lie after being found out.
He should be happy he can run through the corn field to his new woman and live the life he has been craving.
You need to work on yourself and find out what you want.

His entire excuse is ‘bitches be crazy’, Which is expecting you to be both stupid, and misogynist.

What a wanker. I’m so sorry OP.

Honestly Op you've only been together fore 4yrs & are having rough patches & sit down talks on how to resolve things.

It really shouldn't be such hard work.

You know he arrived there, but what time did he leave?

She must have the footage of him ‘hurrying’ to get away from her before she destroyed his life?

Very odd, she's not a friend to him if they have only met so sporadically, and of course you would have heard of her.

Equally she's no friend to him ratting him out to you - unless she wants to hook him and wants to force you to break up leaving him free.

There is a vague possibility that he is telling the truth and she is a nutter - but not much chance really.

You need to find a quiet place where you can work out what you want for yourself. It’s also worth thinking about what you don’t want and why she’s suddenly decided to tell you. What does she hope to achieve? Is it really to cleanse her soul and do the right thing, or is she trying and failing to force your husband to leave you for her?

He will never ever tell you the whole truth about this. It will be drip feed (‘I went to her house but we didn’t have sex/ok we kissed/ok there was sex but just for a few seconds cos I couldn’t keep it up etc’). If she is really such a good ‘friend’ why would she do this to him if it was untrue? Why have you never heard of her? Also why would
he continue messaging someone who is ‘bad news’. There is every chance he is lying and very little chance she is, though it’s always possible. Chances are also he does this regularly with multiple people so STI check a great idea. Sorry OP. Very shitty. Don’t hang around to be lied to any more.

Why would he be going round there if it wasn’t for sex? Of course it was for sex. She’s done you a massive favour by telling you, so you can focus all your energy on yourself and your kid and get rid of this bloke. Take the opportunity to move onwards.

I despise how he focuses on the minimum that can be proven and makes up patent BS to cover the rest. The platonic shoulder to cry on, who he’s never mentioned, is bad enough, but this tripe about her vocalising evil glee in destroying people’s lives is some seat-of-the-pants flannel hastily concocted to cover his arse and it’s frankly insulting that he expects you to swallow it and deny every good instinct that tells you he’s lying. Her motivation is neither here nor there tbh. He’s focused on that to take the heat off him. But what you now is he’s a cheat and a liar and that seals the end unequivocally on a relationship that was already not good. It hurts like hell and you will feel all kinds of heartbroken in the weeks to come but you will heal and you will be better and your DC and you will thrive without him. You’ll look back and be glad it was so clear that you could cut him off now without any doubts.

Get rid of him OP.

It sounds like the relationship was already rocky and now you have evidence of cheating.

You don't need that amount of drama in your life.

the only reason she’s told you is because she wants him not because she feels any sort of guilt,you deserve better

I believe this is it.

He lied that you'd broken up, which would tally with him being there for an extended period.

When recess was up and he needed to return home he knew he was rumbled, so manufactured the 'crazy woman' story to minimise his fuck up.

You're not broken. You trusted someone, as you should.

He's now been proven to be an arsehole. Just put yourself in his shoes - he's the broken one! How could you do that to someone you love? He should he ashamed. What a disgusting thing to do.

Everything she has told you stacks up.

it sounds to me like he is lying and if that’s the case you can never trust anything he says.

Shed given him an ultimatum amd he knew the game was up, so was trying to control the narrative 🙄

Best response ever. 👌 perfect 100% spot on

I'm so sorry op, you must be in bits?
Not that I'm in anyway encouraging you to make contact with the ow again (and she probably wouldn't answer anyway) but does you husband have any distinguishing features that only someone would know if they were intimate with them such as a hidden tattoo, birthmark or body piercing etc? If it helps to put your mind at rest that he is indeed lying, then maybe asking her would help you draw a line under it?
My ex lied to me about just meeting up for a 'chat' with the ow and I wish I'd been able to speak to her to ask something similar but it was a different scenario; she had a boyfriend too so blocked me immediately on all SM so I couldn't find out who he was to tell him xx
Edit: it literally drove me almost insane not knowing for sure that he was lying and the constant gaslighting of 'I'm allowed female friends' or 'it's all in your head' bullshit. I just needed that proof iyswim

Will you be able to manage financially on your own?

I'm gutted for you, I've been there myself but you will recover. He's no loss at all.

Where’s your vitriol and name calling for the man in a relationship who lied to 2 women, cheated and is now gaslighting his ex partner? Or is only ever a woman to blame when a man strays?

This is why men get away with it so often. There’s always a pick me who will save the name calling and shaming for the other woman, regardless of whether she’s been used or lied to as well. You should be ashamed of yourself @Shopaholic80.

Better a ‘yo-yo knickers’ than a woman hater.

What you say makes me think that this may be more serious for her and that she is trying to push him to make a decision.

I don't like the name calling, but men don't get away with it because of that. They get away with it because other women are willing to collude with them to deceive their wives and partners.

I'm so sorry OP.

I had similar many years ago. I had my suspicions. I then received a phone call, out of the blue, asking for my then partner. I told them he was out. This person then proceeded to tell me, "no he isn't, he is with X" and put the phone down.

I confronted my partner when he returned home. He denied it, said she was lying, trying to cause trouble, I was going mad, etc, etc.

Turned out it was all true. I found out he had been lying to me all along. I kicked the slime ball into touch, and he ended up with the OW.

I, on the other hand , met a far better person, and have been happy for the last 30+ years.

You will get through this OP, and there is a wonderful person out there somewhere who will treat you properly and with respect.

I'd bet that she's not the only OW as well.