Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

The pot is cracked. You might temporarily put it back together again but it’s a permanent crack like most cracks in pots are.

Don’t waste too much time with the super glue. It’ll only be a matter of time before you’re shattered into tiny bits. Move on. Move on now.

I don’t necessarily think she wants to be with him - sometimes the other woman or other man reach out to the partner who has been cheated against because they feel they deserve to know, and deserve a sense of justice.

You know she's not lying, you just know. I am sorry.

I've got a close male friend I'd maybe go to if I fell out with DH. DH knows all about him though and knows we're close friends, my friend would also never make up a story about us having sex. Sounds like your partner is a lying cheat and he can't care that much for you. If he did, going off to have sex with another woman when you were rocky would be the last thing on his mind.

I took think he's lying but do not think OW has messaged you out of her feeling guilty. My best guess is his bored with her or suspected getting found out so ended it. So she's taking revenge on him.....it still doesn't exonerate him though.

If it was me, I’d try and find out who paid for the hotel.. be a trace of that somewhere

But she knows about op and continues to sleep with him and goes out of her way to trace op down and let her know

Sorry but he’s lying. I think you know that. You deserve better. He continues to put you at risk lying about the unprotected sex. Glad you are getting yourself tested.

100%. That and she had unprotected sex with a married man. Not exactly a ringing endorsement of her character (nor his obviously).

If this woman had been a close friend of your partner, you'd know about her and would have met her, within the 4 years you've been together. He met her on Hinge, and has intermittently met up with her, before you got together, and clearly whilst you've been together. She's a hook-up, and in his eyes nothing much more than that. He keeps in touch with her, because he knows she's up for a shag, when he feels like it. However, it's entirely possible she's saw him as much more than a casual shag or/and he's spun her a web of lies too. When the OW or OM decide to rat on their affair partner, it may be under the guise of 'wanting to do the right thing, they feel guilty and the other partner should know', but 99% of the reason is revenge because they've been dumped and/or discovered they've been lied too. In other words, it's for selfish reasons, to make themselves feel better. So no, it's unlikely she's lied to you, she has every reason to tell you the truth, after all, unless she's married/has a partner herself, she's nothing to lose by telling you the truth. Your partner has absolutely been having sex with her, and is trying to spin you more lies to cover it all up - ridiculous lies, that are an insult to your intelligence. Don't make any decisions right now. Take your time to process and digest. Don't take him back, the relationship wasn't working, especially if you keep having 'rocky patches'. Use this now, to end the relationship. You and your child deserve better.

This is a heck of a lot of stress in only four years, with a man who isn’t even your child’s bio or adoptive dad. Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult.

Cut your losses. Move on.

You’ve only been with him 4 years and have been having arguments so significant that you’ve had to ask him to leave the home on more than one occasion. & now he’s been cheating.

After such a short amount of time together you really shouldn’t be having to work anywhere near this hard to “sort out your differences”. Your differences are clearly too significant for this to work, regardless of the cheating.

For some perspective, I’ve been with my DH for over 15 years. We’ve been through hell at times (deaths of parents, late miscarriages, job losses, long term hospital stays) & we’ve never argued so bad one of us has had to leave for a few nights. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard.

The cheating is unforgivable IMO, but if you are considering being someone who believes it isn’t always a deal breaker, please consider that your relationship doesn’t sound like it is worth salvaging anyway. Said with kindness.

Why does that mean she wants to be with him? Sometimes sex is just sex to be honest.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me

well obviously she wants him herself, so is telling you so he runs to her after you’ve thrown him out. Some stuff could be true but some might not be. Don’t put your trust in someone with a zero moral compass who thinks it’s ok to sleep with someone who she knows is married.

I can't believe the people here slagging off the other woman! She's not the one who's married and cheating on a partner. He is. He is the one in the wrong here. It doesn't matter if she's crazy etc, he chose to sleep with another woman.

Not a chance. Someone who obviously has such low morals that they sleep with married men, suddenly finds her morals, enough to alert the wife? Why would she suddenly care about the feelings of the wife, whilst sleeping with the husband?!

But isn’t she wrong too for sleeping around with someone who she knows is married? Or you think she has zero fault in all this? Of course the husband is wrong, but equally so is she.

OP said this woman has told her she was told they were split up, didn’t she?

Gutted for you. Get him out of your life.

Equally so is she???!!!! No way you are saying that she is just as bad as he is. He’s the one who cheated on his wife.

If I received this information from another woman, I would be inclined to believe her. She has likely finally seen him for who he is and is either doing this for revenge on him or to warn you. If she was just a friend, he wouldn't have kept her a secret and he wouldn't only run to her when things got bad at home.

It sounds like there were already a lot of problems before this. Time to move on.

Because she’s gone out of her way to contact op, show her ring cam footage, screenshots of their conversations, found op online and contacted her etc.

Yet that same week she was messaging op, she had already had him round at hers……

Thissss

Yeah, he told her one thing, shagged her and then she has realised he’s lied and reached out to his wife?

There was a thread not so long ago about “would you want to be told if he cheated”, majority said yes, but if I was a single woman who had been lied to by a married man and then found out I’d be hesitant to tell his wife based on some of the replies here calling her worse than shit. He’s lied, he said he was single, he’s a scruffy bastard, this woman is quite potentially another victim of his lies and bullshit.