Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

Would you want to spend your life with this man? Thats your answer.

There really are more choices in life than a lying cheater.

He’s full of shit but so is she.

I doubt she’s ever openly said how she loves drama, but the only reason she contacted you now is because she’s worried he’ll go back to you and leave her hanging yet again. If she had any morals she wouldn’t have fucked him in the first place this time around, knowing he has a history of flip flopping.

No one can decide for you what to do with your relationship, but if I were you I also wouldn’t give her any more energy. I bet for someone not interested, she’ll be messaging you again soon to check that it’s indeed done and dusted.

If she was truly just a close friend, why would she message you claiming that they had slept together?

If he says that she is lying then she is not a close friend, is she?

Thank you for all taking the time to post with your thoughts and advice.

I really appreciate it.

I can't go back. I won't go back.

But right now its just all so raw and I feel so incredibly alone.

Thanks to all for being so supportive. I appreciate it ❤️

He's lying, of course he is. They always do.
Im sorry youre having to deal with this.

I would believe her as well. From the sounds of it he is a lying cheating arse!!

I can only imagine it all feels so raw and painful right now. But it will ease

Reading between the lines he’s interpreted ‘needing space’ as breaking up. Not being able to emotionally deal with it he’s used this woman to numb the pain of your relationship breakdown. Then when he realises there is still a chance to reconcile with you he’s told her you are back together. She’s pissed off because she feels used and has contacted you in revenge. He won’t admit it because he knows you didn’t view needing space as a break up and thinks you will dump him for good if you know the truth.

It’s the good ol’ Ross and Rachel we were on a break scenario. You can’t move forward without complete transparency from him. He sounds emotionally immature and bad at communicating. Perhaps that was the route of your existing problems too?

@Wiselass if you’re sure you’re not going back just cut your losses and remove them both from your life. You’ll never know the full truth unfortunately and you’ll have to learn how to cope with that.

Get counselling asap too, look after yourself.

“I just wish he would tell me the truth but he never will”

I think you’re probably right there, OP, and it makes me so sad and angry.

I’ve been there, and in my experience, they never will tell the truth. They will tell as little as they think they can get away with.

I’m so sorry. Obviously all I know of the situation is the few posts you have written here, but from what you have written, I think you are doing the right thing.

A genuine friend wouldn't throw him
Under the bus with his partner

He went to her for comfort and distraction in the way of easy sex.

You weren't 'on a break'

How would he feel if you did the same thing?

I'm disgusted but not surprised as I think most men would do the same they can't cope with their feelings and they don't have friends they can chat to, just women they use

The woman is probably feeling really used and hurt now quite rightly hence her reaching out

He's not a good man. He's weak.

Don't make her take photos of the used condoms as proof. If they even used one. Why on earth would she make up the sex detail

Do you live together? Where did you think he had gone when you told him you wanted some space? Like you, I can't see why she would lie while he obviously has 'good' reason too. You're being very brave facing up to this.

He probably told her they were on a break and he was confused and he missed her etc

No. I've had an ex reconnect with me like this when I bumped into him on holiday then got home and saw Facebook that he had a long term gf. I was outraged. I definitley didn't want him all to myself.
He was trying very hard to have sex with me on the holiday. I didn't, mainly as we had no non shared room to go to, but if I had done k would have felt so used and upset it would have tipped me over the edge into messaging her

Yes we live together. But he owns another property that 2 out of the 3 rooms are rented out on. So he had somewhere to go.

He just chose to go elsewhere.

4 years is no time OP. Cut your losses and leave them to it.

I hope the muck hook does feel used!!..She would have known he was only there due to another tiff with his partner.But didn’t stop her from shagging him.
Bloody yo yo knickers!
Sending big hugs op xx

The worst part is being totally stuck in the middle.

Kindy OP, you are not stuck in the middle. You know he has cheated, but you are not quite ready to accept it and walk away. In which case, are you able to put it behind you? If it was me, I would end it because once the trust has gone, what's the point.

I'm so sorry to hear it. I would talk to your husband when you're ready and figure out a plan forward, even if it's separation. The womans story is a bit odd, even though Ive no doubt there's some truth to it. Once 5 days ago and once last year. If he was intent on cheating, it doesn't sound likely that he would leave up to a year in between. There's more to this story

@Unexpectedlysinglemum read the second paragraph, your situation isn’t this one

"According to him, when he was there 5 days ago, she started telling him how she loves causing bother and destroying people's lives"

Have you ever, in your life, meet a person who speaks like that? It's not plausible. If that's the best story he can come up with then he's not the sharpest tool in the box.

Yes exactly. People who actually love doing this, don't go around saying that! This is the alibi of a halfwit. I'd dump him for telling you such insultingly crap lies, as well as the cheating.

Even before this, you have rough patches and a host of issues and were asking for space… It’s not working out for all kinds of reasons, and this has given you an ‘out.’

Take it.

To put another angle on it - does he think you're stupid? Does he think you came down in the last shower, or that he is so plausible and such a good liar that you'll fall for anything he tells you?

Because that is basically what he is implying with what he is saying to you. The he believes he can talk his way out of this, because you will accept any story he tells you. It's a pack of lies, OP. You know that.

More than likely he led her to believe you were over and got her hopes up of commitment finally, only for him to back off again. This is her revenge on him. He’s had his cake and eaten it. Now he is going to lose it all.