Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

Seems he’s a cheat and he’s lying. I can’t see why he would lie.
Its the worst feeling and it’s a shock. It’s like the pain of grief because you are grieving for the man you thought he was.
I found out my partner was cheated when a woman that he’d had sex with sent me a photo of them naked in bed. It was just horrible. But it made sense of all the little things that had happened that they couldn’t quite make add up. In the end I was grateful of the fact that she was gross enough to let me know in such a humiliating hurtful way.
you deserve better please don’t allow him to convince you otherwise.
You will hurt for a while and only time will make the pain go away. Lots of hugs 🫶🏻

I suspect shes not happy hes come back to you.

I suspect hes lying through his teeth.

Thing is before this.. before you knew he was a cheating pig.. you asked him to leave.

I know youre broken, and im so sorry its hurting but I do think this probably isnt worth saving.

I think he and the OW are equally odious for different reasons. Roll on this time next year OP, I’ve a feeling you’ll be feeling one whole lot lighter after leaving him and all this unhappiness behind. I truly hope so!

OW has known she’s the other for a long time, she’s been available when he wants. She sounds like a loser - not surprised she thinks texting you will bring him back … or punish him. She might have no plan.

I wouldn’t involve her in my life, at all. She was 100 ok being OW, til she wasn’t.

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. Deep breaths. Remember your worth. You'll be ok. Take care x

And you think she’s unaware that he’s married ?

I don’t think it is in this case. He goes running to this woman for a shoulder to cry on when things aren’t good between himself and OP. There’s an emotional attachment there and that’s more of a betrayal than anything they could do in bed.

Well she must have had some suspicion that this wasn’t the case, otherwise why contact OP ?

If she knew he was married she’s just as responsible for the cheating as him.

Hey OP ,
Look , he’s not going to admit he cheated , he doesn’t want you to leave him ..
Don’t think for one second she is telling you cause she is geuine , she’s not !
Her motives are not sincere , my guess is they did meet 5 years ago on hinge , he only used her for sex then & again last week , cause everyone knows guys never leave women go if they think they are Miss right ..
She’s pissed cause she knows that’s all he wants her for & so she has told you ..
All that aside your partner has cheated & only you know if you can come from this ..
You need time away from him to think …

Im going out on a limb and saying she COULD be lying, as she may think she’ll get him if you finish with him.

Does he have any identifying marks on his body? Things only seen on intimacy?

I'm so sorry about this OP.

I did experience it myself many years ago and remember exactly how it felt. The worst.

It sounds like he met her on hinge, didn't consider her GF material but uses her as an ego boost shag. It sounds like she knows this and so ages tried to punish him and out you down so she feels better.

As for him, you might not see it now, but a partner that walks out during a rough patch isn't a good partner. And if he shags other women, he's a terrible partner. I think it says a lot about him that a perceived rejection from you pushes him into the arms of someone else. It's very selfish and weak isn't it?

I hope you have friends around to look after you. It really is a truly traumatising experience.

This
Relationships don’t have to be like this

Of course he's slept with her. Let this be the motivation to leave !

Hmmm…It seems to me that she had no idea she was the OW. This man went online on Hinge to date women.
This has recently - likely - happened to me. I have dated a man on Tinder who posed as single. After a couple of talks/dates something just felt off and screamed „married“. I stopped seeing him but at some point we almost had sex. He stopped it because he wanted to „get to know me better“. I actually think he is married and felt too guilty to proceed. Then he disappeared. And reappeared begging to go out with me. Of course I put a stop on this.
So ladies, don’t be misogynistic. There are many men posing as single and many women fall for it. Which is a very abusive thing to do to a woman as, when you finally realise he is married, you have already fallen deeply in love with him. And these men know who to pursue. They are not going to have a second date with a secure woman. It’s the insecure, anxiously attached they seek so that they can control them.

A “wiselass” would know what a load of shit he’s talking and get rid. Of course he went round for a coffee. A chat. Maybe they braided each others hair and made friendship bracelets too. After shagging on the sofa and in bed

Women vilifying other women, ah some things will never change.

She did the right thing in my opinion — the male is the one at fault here and has destroyed the trust and feelings of two women. Let’s bring it back to that.

For now, OP - please focus on your healing and moving on, moving forwards…

It sounds like she’s out for revenge as she’s put together the ring door bell footage and messages. It’s good that you’re doing an std test - get an hiv test as well. Do you own your property or are you renting? If it’s your property throw him out this morning. If you rent pack up your things and contact the landlord. You don’t want him trashing the place so be sure that the landlord can take back control of the place asap. Check how to end/change the amenity contracts. Stay safe and alert friends and family about your ex. He’s a loser and you are free from his cheating.

Out for revenge or female solidarity that she wouldn’t want the OP to put up with his nonsense and crap. Pity’s her rather than hates her.

Yes, I never mentioned it happened me before too , & it is awful 😔..
I am 49 , I’ve had 3 serious relationships in my life, the 2nd ended because he was seeing his work colleague behind my back for 12 months , he left me for her , i would have married him & that’s being honest, & it didn’t nearly break me that time , it did break me , & took me a long time to recover ..
I then met the father of my children 4 years later , he wasn’t a good choice at all, but I was on a mission to meet someone to get over my heart break ..
Now I’m single & very happy with my lovely children ☺️..

Also what pp has said ,” a good partner does not go into the arms of another woman when the going gets a bit tough “, that is very true …
You deserve a good partner OP ..x

I just can't quiet the chaos in my head. How easy it was to have sex with someone else then come back to me and do the same.

I'm totally repulsed. 💔

So many of us have been there @Wiselass and it hurts so much, but I promise you it gets easier, and the further you distance yourself from the past the brighter your future will be.
The best revenge is to find your own happiness without him. I went through this 10 years ago and would rather have gone through the pain of his cheating and lying than still be with him now.

@Wiselass ah lovely, it is so so shit. I don't want to sound like a d*ck but it really will get better with time. It is a grieving process.

That's ok, these things should hurt. Your feelings were genuine. But how he treated you needs to be more important than how much you like him

Sometimes your closure has to be that his is who he is.

He wont tell you, but if he did would that make it better? His behaviour was always going to hurt