Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

But she didn’t know …
OP’s words He'd told her that we'd broken up and was calling and messaging her upset. She said she fully believed we had split and he was single because of what he'd told her. … so should she be a mind reader now?

It’s called removal of informed sexual consent and it’s just one of the many abusive behaviours cheats engage with.

It really doesn’t matter what the motivations of the OW were, at the end of the day your personal agency, right to informed sexual consent and your knowledge that you’re with someone who lies and cheats is yours. She has done you a favour whatever her reasons were.

His cheating is cold, cynical and calculated. I suspect this is the top of the iceberg. I’d kick him out. Sorry but this one will cheat again, he’s utterly unsafe.

That is so true This comment is virtually what I was going to post!

You are repulsed because what he’s done is repulsive.
So many of us have felt this pain and betrayal and it feels impossible to see how you will get over it.
but you will. This woman has done you a favour because you know now what type of person he is now.
Just allow yourself to feel sad…being faithful is the bare minimum in a relationship. ❤️❤️

Dear OP,

It some point if must have become obvious that he was not single. Unless he kept another “single man” home that she visited.

Seeing a man on/off for extended period and never been to his house, never met friends or family … not believing her thinking he was completely unattached.

She knew, op said the woman told her he reaches every time they are going through a rough patch.

I’m surprised at women knowing and still going on woth sleeping with the man. Zero self-respect, zero empathy for the other woman.

Haven’t we all had a totally in denial friend who is the OW, making all kinds of excuses for months, years … they don’t listen to reason.

All the excuses, the divorce is happening, the wife/child is sick so it’s a bad time …

My favorite is when the dude finally divorced, tells your OW friend, who has been waiting 5 years. Tells you - he won’t marry me right now, he still suffering from the painful divorce/ or he’ll never re-marry. Dude then meets a new girl and they get engaged & married right away / <6 mos. Don’t know who is worse OW or the dude.

It’s sad…
The dude is the worst by all means. However, the OW/OM are not innocent at all.
Would you get involved with a married man “praying” for him to leave his family and kids? I don’t think any balanced person would do that. I just couldn’t take a father from his children. Let him/her sort out their marriage, divorce If they deem it necessary and after they have been on their own for at least one year, then get involved.

I'm so sorry OP, this must be so hard. Just wanted to reach out and send you hugs.

Cry it out with friends and family. This awful raw feeling will pass in time and you'll wonder what you ever saw in him.

Big hugs. ❤🌺

I used to work with someone who was the OW for 15 years - 3 kids were born in that time to his wife and she was still in denial.

Then her mum was at a pub one Saturday and a group of men came in suites and booted - she asked who was getting married and they said the AP’s name. Turns out in the time he was shagging my workmate, he’d got divorced 3/4 years ago and was now marrying someone else and she had no idea.

And guess what? The dopey thing still carried on as his OW got another 5 years after she found this out!

20 years of her life wasted on a bloke who didn’t give a shit

Reaching out is not having sex. OP said He'd told her that we'd broken up and was calling and messaging her upset. She said she fully believed we had split and he was single because of what he'd told her. OP also said She answered and was very apologetic and above all, genuine. He may reach out to her, but there’s no mention of sex every time he reaches out, only last September, then 5 days ago.

Op doesn’t say they’ve been seeing each other on and off.

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this @Wiselass. I’ve no better advice than the many wonderful PPs above, but want to say that I’m thinking of you, sending love and strength. You will survive this and be even stronger at the end of it. You’ll be that amazing & admired woman that others go to for advice, wisdom and love.

OP says ….”According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. ”

They dated before OP got with him. It fizzled out then OP and him got together. Then they have met up last September and then last week. OP’s posts don’t make it clear whether there has been contact in between those dates, but they are they only dates she’s mentioned.

you know the truth here, so sorry this is happening.

thats awful...i am sorry you have to work through all of this.. Stay strong, he 100% is lying to you..