Other woman messaged me

[Wiselass]

Hi,

I'm absolutely broken.

I received a message request on Instagram last night. Long and short of it is its came from a woman claiming she slept with my partner 5 days ago, and another time last year.

According to her, he reaches out everytime we're going through a rough patch. This aligns with the past week as I told him I needed some space due to a host of issues we've had.

She sent me screen shots of her call log, hes literally left here when I asked him to last Sunday, then called her right away.

He's been at her house twice this week, shes shown me ring doorbell footage confirming that.

She told me they slept together on Wednesday but obviously she has no proof of that.

After a long sit down chat with my partner on Saturday, we decided we'd sort our other differences and really try to make this work. Less than 24hrs later this other woman messages me the bombshell.

My partner is denying the sex ( of course he is, there's no proof) but has had to admit being at hers as he cant deny that. According to him he reached out to her as a friend and needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm fucking broken.

He says shes lying. But Why would she lie? What does she stand to gain from telling me that if its not true. She has no loyalties to me.

Im stuck in this emotional tug of war rignt now and feel like my world is collapsing round about me.

When you asked him to leave because you wanted space, did you go on a break/breakup/remain a couple but just needed a bit of time apart? Could he have thought that by you asking him to leave, you'd effectively broken up with him?

If your partner was telling the truth, that she is a friend in whom he confided, she would not be messaging you and causing trouble, she'd keep it to herself - think about it you would, we all would. We'd listen and then he would go on his way, end of.

I am pretty sure he is lying.

The other woman’s motivations are largely irrelevant to what you should do next.
He sounds like a truly horrible person who you should have no qualms about leaving.

“It didn’t mean anything, trust me”

It does get better. I’m saying that as when I was in this situation hearing it gave me some hope. This pain will pass and you’ll gain from it long term.

So far he has called her a liar, malicious, a wilful home wrecker.
Has he called her mental/unhinged/a bunny boiler yet?

He calls her all these things but he’s quite happy to stick his dick in her every time he has a row with OP - that’s some standards he’s got.

Honestly OP you know he’s a lying cheating wanker. Whatever she is or isn’t, she’s not relevant really. It’s him who needs kicking to the kerb - and if this was her pick me dance to win this prize of a man, well let her have him! He’s no loss

I'd be surprised if she was the only one, tbh.

I'm so sorry.

So he's next story will be that he thought you'd broken up (both times) so he was free to do as he liked. More than anything this shows you his real character Op, as soon as things aren't smooth sailing with you he runs off to another woman rather than stay and try to sort things out. How will you ever trust him again after this

And OW is just as much to blame. It takes 2 to tango.

Yes this

I’m so sorry Op. I haven’t read every post because I’m at work but one thing occurred to me - if she thought he was single and that you had split up, why would she message you to tell you they had slept together? If he was single, there would be no point. So she must have known that he was/is in a relationship.

@Wiselass does the hotel stuff add up as well?

Well of course he's a cheating bullshitter. It wouldn't be ok to go to some random woman's house after an argument with his partner anyway. Not appropriate.

Maybe if she was his best mate if many years and nothing romantic ever happened between them. But you've never heard of her so that doesn't apply.

Yet she doesn’t owe OP anything. He owed her.

I’m not sure this really matters in the end?

Well, not just as much. He's the one cheating on OP and lying to her, and you've no idea what the situation with her is, but chances are he's cheating and lying to her too. Bottom line is the OW has done OP favour by showing what he's like and now she's empowered to ditch him and move on to better things instead of believing his BS and wasting more years with this prick. OW owed her nothing, has never been in her in life and will vanish again. It's him she has to deal with, and the issues go way beyond the 'tango'. It feels like just a detail really, whether and to what extent they tango'd. The evidence that he can't be trusted is incontrovertible.

This has happened to me.
The thing that hurt the most was that IF she was lying and it was all untrue, his first reaction wasn’t to get angry with her, call and ask why she was making things up to cause upset between us.
Even when I asked him to he refused
That told me everything I needed to know.
If this woman is such a good friend to your partner surely he would have no issue with taking you to meet her?

He's lying

Ok… thanks for your input 👍

i'm very sorry you had to go through that, but that's a great way of testing how genuine he's being.

it's just another shonky bit of info, hastily nailed onto the crumbling lie he's telling you - he was sad from your relationship troubles, so he sought out emotional support from someone who openly loves causing drama, and destroying relationships? yeah, that makes perfect sense.

op - you should ask him to call her with you on speaker, or both go and visit her - if she loves the drama so much, i bet she'd relish causing it first hand?

if he starts backpedalling furiously, you'll know he's full of shit.

if i was you i'd be as angry about how stupid he must think i am, as i would be about the actual betrayal.

Presumably, he is furious with his friend for lying to you in this way? Presumably he's cut all contact with her and is desperately trying to prove himself? Presumably, he is feeling all kinds of confused about why his friend would try and ruin his relationship?

No?

Of course not because she was telling the truth.

Ime grieving the person we thought they were is even more painful than grieving a death. It’s absolutely brutal to go through, and the person that you most want to turn to, is the person who has ripped away the foundations of your life. The lies and wheedling are like a magnet disrupting your compass until you can’t tell what’s true and who to trust and you want so badly to just believe them because it would calm all the confusion. It’s just the most awful head fuck.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you and that he’s not the man you deserve. Be gentle with yourself while you go through this.

Of course she isn’t lying. She has proof of him running straight there.

You would be blind to not believe her.

Shut the door in his face. End this.

Some men want a harem. Most women don't want to be in one.

Get the sti test as soon as you can.

You're better than this.