Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is my partner still stuck on his ex

222 replies

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 18:12

I've met my partner in October last year, he cheated (I didn't know) on his then partner and 5 year old son at the time, she found out about us in November he said, then we went official in December. They were together 6 years, and from he told me the relationship was toxic. However I do not condone the cheating, but I do love him and believe he will not do that to me, we have an amazing relationship.
He currently lives with me and my 2 DDs, we are incredibly happy together, there are a few small issues but I'm sure we can pull through.

The issue is this
His ex refuses to communicate with him on anything other than email.
I helped him get set up on an email address and show him how to use email.
His ex doesn't really bother him TBF only for money and contact, she has a bf as far I as know.
He asked to use my phone the other day and logged into his email account as his phone has died, but forgot to log out.
Last night I had a meal out with family and the Uber home was over a 30 min drive back home so I went on my phone emails and what I came across is an email from this ex on Sunday.
He's was lying to her, told her a month ago that I was pregnant, then told her a week ago we was having a boy, and then told his son twice he was having a brother, his ex was on the call.
He told her the truth on Saturday, she obviously went mad from her email in regards to him lying to their son on one occasion.

He was asleep when I got home, but I can't help but think he must still love her, or else why would he lie to her about this, why wind her up for some long.
I'm really confused and worried - should I confront him?

OP posts:
Buffypaws · 23/07/2025 18:16

Well yea this is really weird and he sounds like a twat

Buffypaws · 23/07/2025 18:17

I suppose you’ll have to ask him why he’s done this but he’ll probably lie to you anyway

Ponderingwindow · 23/07/2025 18:17

The man cheats. He has to have someone show him how to get email. His ex has to bother him for money and contact.

These should all be dealbreakers.

We don’t even need to get into him lying to his ex or you moving him into your house with your children.

Just get yourself out of this mess as quickly as possible and definitely before you get pregnant.

whatisnext12 · 23/07/2025 18:18

Do you honestly think he will stay faithful to you if he met you whilst still with his child’s mother. He will, and he does sound like he wants to hurt her. Not like he’s hurt her enough by moving in with you and your 2 dd. You have to remember how much hurt she would have gone through when she found out, probably why she will only communicate via email. She will still love him but is protecting herself

DiscoBob · 23/07/2025 18:18

You needed to help your partner learn how to set up and use email?! 😐

TwistedWonder · 23/07/2025 18:19

So you've moved a lying cheat you’ve only known a few months into your home with your kids - dear God.

Raise your bar ffs for the sake of your DD

Does this prince contribute to your home?

YesHonestly · 23/07/2025 18:21

You’ve moved him in with your daughters after being together a little over 6 months?

You’ve got bigger problems than whether he’s over his ex or whether he’ll cheat on you. He will, by the way. They don’t change.

AngelicKaty · 23/07/2025 18:22

You should be worried. He's a cheat and a liar (and the lying is inexplicable). You must be desperate to think he's any kind of catch. Get some self-respect and show him the door for your and your DCs' sakes.

Arlanymor · 23/07/2025 18:23

There are so many red flags here I don't know where to start. You moved him in WAY too early. He's lied repeatedly to both you and her. You DON'T have an amazing relationship - he LIES to you. I don't know how it make it any clearer!?

CleanShirt · 23/07/2025 18:23

YesHonestly · 23/07/2025 18:21

You’ve moved him in with your daughters after being together a little over 6 months?

You’ve got bigger problems than whether he’s over his ex or whether he’ll cheat on you. He will, by the way. They don’t change.

This. Why didn't you run a mile when you found out you were the other woman?

cadburyegg · 23/07/2025 18:24

So many red flags, dump and run

Mrsttcno1 · 23/07/2025 18:27

God between two of you there are too many red flags to count.

Him cheating on his ex and the mother of his child with you, and you staying with him even when you found out.

You believing you’re any better than his ex so he won’t cheat on you- you’re no better than her, you’re just a few years behind her, we’ll see you again in 5 years when you find out about the next other woman.

You moving a man that you’ve been with for a grand total of 8 months INTO YOUR HOME WITH TWO DAUGHTERS.

In fact, you may be very well suited actually!

Mrscharlieeeee · 23/07/2025 18:28

Jesus your bar is on the ground. What grown adult doesn’t use email? How does anyone manage life without one?

Any decent man wouldn’t need bothering for money and contact with his child, he’d be actively involved and contributing. Also, moving a man you’ve known a couple of months in with you and your children is just awful. Your poor children being forced to live with a stranger who sounds like an absolute waste of space. He’s a cheater and a liar. Toss this one back and raise the bar, your kids will thank you for it.

smallsilvercloud · 23/07/2025 18:38

This won’t be the first or the last lie, sounds like the only thing he’s good at.
He’s also nasty by trying to hurt her feelings on purpose, whether it’s just for his enjoyment or because there’s feeling still, who knows, you’ve not got a good guy here, only a matter of time before you realise this.

CommissarySushi · 23/07/2025 18:43

You moved a man, you've known for 9 months, in with your two young daughters? So unbelievably irresponsible.

RealEagle · 23/07/2025 18:44

You believe he won’t cheat on you .

Beamur · 23/07/2025 18:47

He will cheat on you (if he hasn't already) and yes, he's still hung up on his ex and spinning her drama and lies.
Seriously, no good will come of this for you.

Dery · 23/07/2025 18:48

You’ve been very naive, OP. This is not a good man. There’s no reason to believe he’ll be faithful to you. He was happy to cheat on the woman he shared a young child with. You know he lies and cheats. The lies he told his ex are strange and quite repulsive. He had a 5 year old son from a 6-year relationship; does he think this makes him some kind of stud to go around impregnating women? Is that what it is? Please don’t get pregnant with this guy. He’s not trustworthy; he’s not safe. Looks like any toxicity there is, is coming from him. The sensible thing to do would have been to walk when you realised you were the other woman; that’s the only sensible thing to do now.

Profhilodisaster · 23/07/2025 18:51

What grown arse man lies about his girlfriend being pregnant? He sounds a bit unstable.

OldMcDonaldHadABigMac · 23/07/2025 18:56

Why on earth have you moved a man you've known for a few months, into your home with your two daughters. Jesus christ.

AngelicKaty · 23/07/2025 19:00

Profhilodisaster · 23/07/2025 18:51

What grown arse man lies about his girlfriend being pregnant? He sounds a bit unstable.

Not to mention a bit thick.

Twiglets1 · 23/07/2025 19:00

He’s a compulsive liar … he does have weird feelings towards his ex who he cheated on … and would think nothing of lying/cheating on other gfs like you.

OchreRaven · 23/07/2025 19:13

What kind of man lies to his son about having another child? I’ll tell you — a lying, cheating man who likes to play games and only cares about himself.

Knowing those facts you think it’s inconceivable he would cheat on you (only lie). She wasn’t the problem. No doubt the reason she will only communicate via email is because he is emotionally abusive and she doesn’t want to deal with it. You can tell this from his own behaviour. That lie was emotionally abusive to his son in order to upset his ex. He was always the problem not her. You didn’t win a prize. Now you have bought him into your home around your kids. Get him out before his true colours come out and it affects them too.

Original poster
Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 19:30

I love him and so do my daughter's.
I don't know what to do. I don't think he wants to be with her, in her email she said "you said it to wind me up, how fucking long would you have played this out, how long would you have lied to xxx"

Why was he trying to wind her up, he knows she's seeing someone and he told me he was happy she was trying to move on. Maybe he is a little bit jealous.

Yes, he's not the cleverest person, he does need some support but that's what a partner is for.

And yes, he's not paid for his son, but she did make it difficult for him in the beginning.

I will not ask him to move out, he's part of my family

OP posts:
CommissarySushi · 23/07/2025 19:33

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 19:30

I love him and so do my daughter's.
I don't know what to do. I don't think he wants to be with her, in her email she said "you said it to wind me up, how fucking long would you have played this out, how long would you have lied to xxx"

Why was he trying to wind her up, he knows she's seeing someone and he told me he was happy she was trying to move on. Maybe he is a little bit jealous.

Yes, he's not the cleverest person, he does need some support but that's what a partner is for.

And yes, he's not paid for his son, but she did make it difficult for him in the beginning.

I will not ask him to move out, he's part of my family

He's not fucking part of your family. Move the strange man out of your daughter's house. Put your children first and protect them from this waste of space.