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Original poster

Is my partner still stuck on his ex

222 replies

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 18:12

I've met my partner in October last year, he cheated (I didn't know) on his then partner and 5 year old son at the time, she found out about us in November he said, then we went official in December. They were together 6 years, and from he told me the relationship was toxic. However I do not condone the cheating, but I do love him and believe he will not do that to me, we have an amazing relationship.
He currently lives with me and my 2 DDs, we are incredibly happy together, there are a few small issues but I'm sure we can pull through.

The issue is this
His ex refuses to communicate with him on anything other than email.
I helped him get set up on an email address and show him how to use email.
His ex doesn't really bother him TBF only for money and contact, she has a bf as far I as know.
He asked to use my phone the other day and logged into his email account as his phone has died, but forgot to log out.
Last night I had a meal out with family and the Uber home was over a 30 min drive back home so I went on my phone emails and what I came across is an email from this ex on Sunday.
He's was lying to her, told her a month ago that I was pregnant, then told her a week ago we was having a boy, and then told his son twice he was having a brother, his ex was on the call.
He told her the truth on Saturday, she obviously went mad from her email in regards to him lying to their son on one occasion.

He was asleep when I got home, but I can't help but think he must still love her, or else why would he lie to her about this, why wind her up for some long.
I'm really confused and worried - should I confront him?

OP posts:
MuckFusk · 23/07/2025 21:15

Whether or not he loves her is the least of your worries. He's a pathological liar by the sound of it. He lied to his child about having a brother? That's crazy. He isn't right in the head.

You believe he would never cheat on you despite clear evidence that dishonesty is part of his character? Girl, come on. Face reality. Your "happiness" in this relationship is based on a fantasy of who he is and the fantasy that you are so special that he would never treat you badly. The real him is batshit and an asshole. You are currently of use to him. That's all it really is to him.

TwistedWonder · 23/07/2025 21:16

Anyone getting vibes of the ‘but do you think he likes her, why do you think he likes her, but whyyyyyyyyyyyyy’ poster?

MuckFusk · 23/07/2025 21:20

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 23/07/2025 19:40

Why on earth are you concerned about him being in love with his ex still when he’s just compulsively lying left, right and centre. If he lies to HIS OWN SON, he also lies to you. You’re in love with a lie and he will lie to you, will likely cheat and abandon you and your daughters. Do you hate your daughters so much that you would introduce this car crash of human being into their lives?
I’m so sad for them. You’re letting them down so badly.

Agree completely. I can't help but think there is some batshittery on both sides.

MuckFusk · 23/07/2025 21:25

TwistedWonder · 23/07/2025 21:16

Anyone getting vibes of the ‘but do you think he likes her, why do you think he likes her, but whyyyyyyyyyyyyy’ poster?

Oh I remember her! Yes, they are very similar.

Crushed23 · 23/07/2025 21:30

Ponderingwindow · 23/07/2025 18:17

The man cheats. He has to have someone show him how to get email. His ex has to bother him for money and contact.

These should all be dealbreakers.

We don’t even need to get into him lying to his ex or you moving him into your house with your children.

Just get yourself out of this mess as quickly as possible and definitely before you get pregnant.

This.

WTF have I just read?

Gossyboo · 23/07/2025 21:41

The man you are with uses his own innocent little child as a weapon to hurt the woman who he was with for years and you choose to have him round your daughters? You really think he will treat you and you children better than he treats the mother of his child and his own son? Look carefully because this is how he acts when he doesn't get his way or sees someone thriving without him- cruel, stupid and vindictive. He would treat you and yours the same, of course he would.

YourWildAmberSloth · 23/07/2025 21:42

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 19:30

I love him and so do my daughter's.
I don't know what to do. I don't think he wants to be with her, in her email she said "you said it to wind me up, how fucking long would you have played this out, how long would you have lied to xxx"

Why was he trying to wind her up, he knows she's seeing someone and he told me he was happy she was trying to move on. Maybe he is a little bit jealous.

Yes, he's not the cleverest person, he does need some support but that's what a partner is for.

And yes, he's not paid for his son, but she did make it difficult for him in the beginning.

I will not ask him to move out, he's part of my family

Too much too soon. You've been together since October and your daughters love him already? He shouldn't even have been introduced yet, let alone living with you and that close to your children. It would be too much even if he was a decent, honest reliable man. He's a lying, cheating, dysfunctional mess and you've imposed that on your daughters. You're a fool.

Spaglasagneaise · 23/07/2025 22:11

Please keep this man away from your kids and take off the rose tinted glasses.

LittlleMy · 23/07/2025 22:22

YesHonestly · 23/07/2025 21:12

He would be with her if SHE wanted him. She clearly has come to her senses and doesn’t want anything to do with him.

How about you put your kids first, don’t send them away “for a few days”, and send him away permanently instead? Jesus fucking Christ.

Yes exactly this.

The fact OP and her kids love him is neither here nor there - he’s a proven cheating liar playing weird games with his ex and upsetting his young child who will no doubt be v confused with his toxic nonsense. How OP finds him in anu way or shape desirable is mind blowing. It’s like if a certain type of woman finds someone who’s a pos but in between times they ‘click and her kids love him’ - that’ll do. Let’s settle 🤦🏻‍♀️

EG94 · 23/07/2025 22:28

Iied and cheated on his kids mother, can’t use email, wonder how he met you, can’t of been a dating app if he has no email.

lies about pregnancy to make his ex jealous

doesnt pay for his kid

yet you think you can work it out.

that relationship will be like wading through treacle and tbh if you can’t see it ending in tears and don’t have enough self respect worth and love to say I’m better alone that in this, you deserve all the chaos and drama this man will bring.

he’s shown you who he is. Believe him

KathrynWheel · 23/07/2025 22:46

I feel very sorry for his little boy and your two DDs

Pinkissmart · 23/07/2025 22:50

Jesus, where to start.

Op
Of COURSE you click- he needs a place to live.

Stop thinking with your fanny and think about your kids. This is not a good man to deliberately put in their lives.
Don't you think he'll lie to your children, and to you? If he can lie to his child about something so serious, something which could really mess a kid up, then he'll lie to anyone about anything.

CircusofPuffins · 23/07/2025 22:58

Oh dear. This guy has really done a number on you, hasn't he?

Golden rule of any relationship: imagine this was a sister, a friend, someone you cared about telling you everything you've told us. What would you say? If you'd tell them to run, there's your answer.

Don't fly in the face of all logic and sensibility just because you "click". The warning signs are numerous, and flashing bright red in front of your face.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 23/07/2025 23:10

TwistedWonder · 23/07/2025 21:16

Anyone getting vibes of the ‘but do you think he likes her, why do you think he likes her, but whyyyyyyyyyyyyy’ poster?

Exactly what I thought.

Fargo79 · 23/07/2025 23:12

Well this all sounds like a wonderful start to a happy ever after to me. And I'm absolutely sure that your daughters will grow into well adjusted women with great boundaries who know what a healthy relationship and home life looks like. Yep. Definitely no cause for concern here...

heroinechic · 23/07/2025 23:12

Dear lord your common sense is lacking. He already has cheated on you. He was shagging you while he was still with his long term partner (probably shagging her too) without your knowledge. If he is willing to cheat on his partner of 6 years and mother of his child, he will cheat on anyone.

I cannot believe you have moved a relatively unknown male into your home with your daughters. Most people wouldn’t have even introduced a boyfriend to their children at this stage. Do you understand the risk he poses to your children? I’m not saying he’s a sex offender, but unrelated males are significantly over represented in child sexual abuse cases.

You love this man and consider him family but here are the facts: he is a liar and a cheat. Do with that what you will.

fraughtcouture · 23/07/2025 23:17

Can’t argue with stupid I guess. Your poor kids though…..

Notaflippinclue · 23/07/2025 23:20

A cheat a liar and useless how on earth could you move him in with your girls - ridiculous

EllasNonny · 23/07/2025 23:24

HRTFT but why the hell has he even met your DDs, let alone moved in with them already? I'm also astounded that you naively know he won't cheat on you...yet he already has. I give up.

SpringtimeGirl · 23/07/2025 23:51

This behaviour is unhinged he’s told a child they are expecting a brother and is then going to rip that away from because it is a lie. That’s not a stable mental state or any way to treat a child. I think you have more problems than worrying he’s got feelings for the ex here OP.

KawasakiBabe · 23/07/2025 23:54

I believe that his old relationship was toxic… all coming from him!!!

Luluissleeping · 24/07/2025 07:24

These people bring children into these situations. Put your children first, fgs.

MsDDxx · 24/07/2025 07:26

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 19:30

I love him and so do my daughter's.
I don't know what to do. I don't think he wants to be with her, in her email she said "you said it to wind me up, how fucking long would you have played this out, how long would you have lied to xxx"

Why was he trying to wind her up, he knows she's seeing someone and he told me he was happy she was trying to move on. Maybe he is a little bit jealous.

Yes, he's not the cleverest person, he does need some support but that's what a partner is for.

And yes, he's not paid for his son, but she did make it difficult for him in the beginning.

I will not ask him to move out, he's part of my family

You’re not the cleverest person either are you? 🤦‍♀️

GreyCarpet · 24/07/2025 07:54

This is a disaster waiting to happen, OP.

He cheated on his partner with you.

You discovered this, chose to continue seeing him and are confident he won't cheat on you - his ex probably felt the same.

Despite this, and only having known him for 9 months, he now lives with you and your children.

He's having inappropriate conversations with the woman he's only not in a relationship with because he cheated on her. Had she not found out, they'd likely.still be together.

And to top it all off, he's not the cleverest person, he does need some support but that's what a partner is for.

Firstly, don't confused compassion and a saviour complex with love. It doesn't end well.

Secondly, don't carry on seeing a man when you discover you're the other woman - it won't end well for you.

Thirdly, just remember that you reap what you sow; no one falls in love faster than a man who needs somewhere to live; when someone shows you who they are, believe them; and remember all this when the chickens come home to roost....

Elektra1 · 24/07/2025 07:58

The title of your thread is odd. Who cares if he’s stuck on his ex? He’s a serial liar who probably can’t even remember what the truth is at this point. You say you believe he won’t do this to you - he already is! Get rid! Get him out of your children’s lives. Horrendous man.