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Original poster

Is my partner still stuck on his ex

222 replies

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 18:12

I've met my partner in October last year, he cheated (I didn't know) on his then partner and 5 year old son at the time, she found out about us in November he said, then we went official in December. They were together 6 years, and from he told me the relationship was toxic. However I do not condone the cheating, but I do love him and believe he will not do that to me, we have an amazing relationship.
He currently lives with me and my 2 DDs, we are incredibly happy together, there are a few small issues but I'm sure we can pull through.

The issue is this
His ex refuses to communicate with him on anything other than email.
I helped him get set up on an email address and show him how to use email.
His ex doesn't really bother him TBF only for money and contact, she has a bf as far I as know.
He asked to use my phone the other day and logged into his email account as his phone has died, but forgot to log out.
Last night I had a meal out with family and the Uber home was over a 30 min drive back home so I went on my phone emails and what I came across is an email from this ex on Sunday.
He's was lying to her, told her a month ago that I was pregnant, then told her a week ago we was having a boy, and then told his son twice he was having a brother, his ex was on the call.
He told her the truth on Saturday, she obviously went mad from her email in regards to him lying to their son on one occasion.

He was asleep when I got home, but I can't help but think he must still love her, or else why would he lie to her about this, why wind her up for some long.
I'm really confused and worried - should I confront him?

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 23/07/2025 19:33

@Zoezoe25 Well, that's your choice to make, but I have to say this OP - you have really low standards.

Arlanymor · 23/07/2025 19:34

You’ve got your hand in the sand I’m afraid.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 23/07/2025 19:40

Why on earth are you concerned about him being in love with his ex still when he’s just compulsively lying left, right and centre. If he lies to HIS OWN SON, he also lies to you. You’re in love with a lie and he will lie to you, will likely cheat and abandon you and your daughters. Do you hate your daughters so much that you would introduce this car crash of human being into their lives?
I’m so sad for them. You’re letting them down so badly.

TwistedWonder · 23/07/2025 19:40

Another in the long line of women on MN who prioritise dick over kids and tolerate any old twat just to have a bloke in their bed.

Its always the poor kids who get dragged onto this shit show

ClaredeBear · 23/07/2025 19:47

Why are you with someone who needed email lessons?

Its pretty clear to me that the ex only communicates with him this way because he’s a lying piece of shit.

And as others have said, you’ve been with this guy for 5 minutes and you moved him in.

Your definition of an amazing relationship differs greatly from mine.

it doesn’t matter whether he wants to be with his ex or not, he’s not a good person and certainly not god enough to be around your children.

OchreRaven · 23/07/2025 19:50

Well if he told you he’s happy she’s moved on it must be true. Why would he lie to you when you both love each other so much?

Or could it be that he can’t possibly comprehend that someone could move on from him. It hits his ego so he wants to hurt her to feel important. He doesn’t care who that lie hurts including his son and you. He’s not your family and thank god for that because you can walk away without any ties. His poor son is left with a father who won’t take care of him financially and emotionally abuses him.

You know the facts so if you choose to ignore who he is that’s on you but really not fair for your actual family. They are children and don’t know the truth. Their feelings for him are based on who he pretends to be. Allowing them to continue to get closer to him knowing what he is capable of is something you will have to live with when he does it to your family.

Sweatybettyinthisheat · 23/07/2025 19:51

Make sure your contraception is bulletproof, and kick the liar and cheater out. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
He's trying to make her jealous.
LTB

YesHonestly · 23/07/2025 19:55

You are being an absolute mug and it’s your kids that will pay the price.

Moving a stranger into their home and then saying it’s ok because they love him? He won’t be around for long, just until he finds his next victim and then how will they feel?

PashaMinaMio · 23/07/2025 19:56

AngelicKaty · 23/07/2025 18:22

You should be worried. He's a cheat and a liar (and the lying is inexplicable). You must be desperate to think he's any kind of catch. Get some self-respect and show him the door for your and your DCs' sakes.

Once a cheat, always a cheat.
Might not be for a while but for sure he will hurt you. Red flags. 🚩
This I know.

TheresGoingToBeAMoidur · 23/07/2025 20:01

How can you respect someone who does such cruel things? To make up stories to deliberately hurt his ex is pathetic, but to involve his own child is inconceivable.

You may love the positives now when your relationship is new and he's on his best behavior, but just think. If he gets annoyed with you or your dd's, what nasty tricks will he pull out then?

beadystar · 23/07/2025 20:12

He’s a cheat. He’s a liar. Also who doesn’t know how to send an email? Shame on you also for bringing a strange man to live with your little kids. Get rid.

Forgotthebins · 23/07/2025 20:14

I couldnt fancy a man who lies to his own child to hurt that child’s mother.

but people often feel overwhelmingly attracted to someone who reminds them of sad things in their own childhood. It’s not good, not really, it’s just familiar.

if that’s the case with you OP I honestly hope you find some friends or relatives who can make you set your hopes a bit higher.

IOSTT · 23/07/2025 20:14

Good luck Op, you’re going to need it…

Bittenonce · 23/07/2025 20:29

No you shouldn’t confront him. If you do he’ll lie again and you will choose to believe him.
He is however a compulsive liar and cheat, who shouldn’t be trusted as far as you spit.
You’ve got to choose - run now, or lie to yourself and be broken later.
Harsh? But true
Part of you knows I’m right, which is why you’ve started this thread. Listen to that part of you, it’s speaking the truth. The rest is just smoke and mirrors.

RealEagle · 23/07/2025 20:30

Arlanymor · 23/07/2025 19:34

You’ve got your hand in the sand I’m afraid.

Head in the sand!

Arlanymor · 23/07/2025 20:33

RealEagle · 23/07/2025 20:30

Head in the sand!

Show quote history

Indeed - what else would you call it when she is deliberately not addressing some major issues in her relationship? Mainly that her partner is a lying pig who has lied to her, his son and his former partner? Doesn’t seem to bother her that much - she’s more bothered by jealousy over how he might feel about his ex. He told his son that he was having a brother which he isn’t - who does that to a kid? I would have kicked him to the curb so fast he wouldn’t have an arse left in his trousers.

Thaawtsom · 23/07/2025 20:34

Yes, your partner is still enmeshed with his ex, to your question.

Duh.

And, as so many PP said, this one is one you should throw back, at speed, and run for the hills. You say you love him and he is part of the family: you have a distressing lack of boundaries and this will not go well. Would you want one of your girls involved with a man like this? Think of them: this relationship is not a foundation for providing a stable home for your girls long term.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 23/07/2025 20:45

This can't be real.
He's a cheater
He hasn't been paying for his son
He's a manipulative liar
And you've moved him into your daughters' home after just a few months.

This is truly awful.

groma · 23/07/2025 20:46

Continuing this relationship is a recipe for disaster. You need to start prioritising your children and end it.

Furrylittlesweetpotatoes · 23/07/2025 20:48

Oh come on @Zoezoe25 hes still hung up on her. So much so he’s willing to lie to her to make her jealous and lie to his son to back it up.

A lie which could have caused his little boy some distress.

He will cheat again, and I suspect it’s coming sooner that you think.

and moving him in with your girls after just a few months is just hugely risky and does not paint you in a protective light.

Original poster
Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 21:08

I really don't think he wants to be with her though, he may still have feelings I'm sure, but as he says if he wanted her, he would be with her.
Yes he cheated, it's shameful and I honestly didn't know at the start, he lied I found out a few months later.

But we work, we just click.
It's sad that he lied to his son, I can sense her anger through her email, he didn't need to bring in his son to this.
I will ask him tomorrow, my DD go to my mum's for few days so we can talk

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 23/07/2025 21:10

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 21:08

I really don't think he wants to be with her though, he may still have feelings I'm sure, but as he says if he wanted her, he would be with her.
Yes he cheated, it's shameful and I honestly didn't know at the start, he lied I found out a few months later.

But we work, we just click.
It's sad that he lied to his son, I can sense her anger through her email, he didn't need to bring in his son to this.
I will ask him tomorrow, my DD go to my mum's for few days so we can talk

Well he wouldn’t necessarily be with her if he wanted to - she has a choice too! And why would she choose someone who cheated on her and even more recently lied to her small boy?

You need to have a serious conversation with him. He’s a habitual liar and that’s dangerous. I really don’t understand why you think he’s a good person to have around your children. He’s not, he really isn’t. How many people on this thread have to tell you? Do you think we’re all wrong?

YesHonestly · 23/07/2025 21:12

He would be with her if SHE wanted him. She clearly has come to her senses and doesn’t want anything to do with him.

How about you put your kids first, don’t send them away “for a few days”, and send him away permanently instead? Jesus fucking Christ.

CommissarySushi · 23/07/2025 21:12

Come on, OP. You're not being a good mum, if you keep this loser in yours and your girls life.

Profhilodisaster · 23/07/2025 21:15

What did you hope to get out of this post ?

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