Is my partner still stuck on his ex

[Zoezoe25]

I've met my partner in October last year, he cheated (I didn't know) on his then partner and 5 year old son at the time, she found out about us in November he said, then we went official in December. They were together 6 years, and from he told me the relationship was toxic. However I do not condone the cheating, but I do love him and believe he will not do that to me, we have an amazing relationship.
He currently lives with me and my 2 DDs, we are incredibly happy together, there are a few small issues but I'm sure we can pull through.

The issue is this
His ex refuses to communicate with him on anything other than email.
I helped him get set up on an email address and show him how to use email.
His ex doesn't really bother him TBF only for money and contact, she has a bf as far I as know.
He asked to use my phone the other day and logged into his email account as his phone has died, but forgot to log out.
Last night I had a meal out with family and the Uber home was over a 30 min drive back home so I went on my phone emails and what I came across is an email from this ex on Sunday.
He's was lying to her, told her a month ago that I was pregnant, then told her a week ago we was having a boy, and then told his son twice he was having a brother, his ex was on the call.
He told her the truth on Saturday, she obviously went mad from her email in regards to him lying to their son on one occasion.

He was asleep when I got home, but I can't help but think he must still love her, or else why would he lie to her about this, why wind her up for some long.
I'm really confused and worried - should I confront him?

He lies because he's a liar.

And guess what? He didn't cheat because of his relationship, he cheated because he's a cheater. So he WILL cheat on you, however good the relationship is.

The relationship you have is a lie though. He's doing what he has to, to have a home. You can't have an honest relationship with a proven liar.

I will not ask him to move out, he's part of my family

After 9 months and with all this shit going on?

You're behaving like a bloody idiot and you're inflicting all of this on your children. You might deserve whatever comes next. They don't.

In answer to your question, either he's a little jealous that she has got a bf/moving on so he wants to try and make her jealous, or he's just a nasty piece of work who actually doesn't care about her or who he lies to - just wants to hurt her for some reason.

However he's a cheat, liar, crap dad from the sounds of it.

What on earth are you doing? I'm sure you've spoken about having a baby?
Good luck, your going to need it

Well you reap what you sow and in this case it’s a lying, cheating, piece of shit. Of course he’ll cheat on you - what makes you any more special than his ex? Once a liar, always a liar.

He is playing her and playing you. Run from the hills now you can.

I keep saying it, I do not condone the cheating but what is done is done.
Our relationship is very different to what theirs once was, just because he's cheated once does not mean he will do it again.
Thank you to those who have answered my question, I'm not sure what to think on why he lied.
I have decided not to confront him, I'll act as though I did not see his ex's email.
Some of the replies on here are cruel

How do you know what their relationship was like? You didn’t even know about her until he started cheating on her?

Genuinely curious how you are so sure that your relationship is any different or better than how they’re started out?

You can't know what their relationship was like. You only know what he's told you and you know he lies. There's a well established script for guys like him. I'd suggest you look it up.

I don't understand what you expected people to say?
You found out or knew your partner was cheated on his ex and child
Instead of walking away (or even taking it slow) you moved him into your home with DD's
I doubt months have gone past without him lying to you, probably lies every day to you, little white lies etc
And then.....BAM prob one of the most weirdest things I've heard on here, a grown man lying about his gf being pregnant to hurt his ex or make her jealous or whatever the hell it is...and you, you are going to do.......NOTHING!
Your poor kids,
That poor little boy
His poor ex, but I wish her wherever she is only the best, she escaped a vile man.

For fucks sake, OP. You're really going to let this lying, cheating, mentally unstable man keep living with you and your children?

Sort yourself out.

He lied because he is a liar.

You do condone the cheating because you didn't end the relationship when you discover you'd been complicit in his cheating.

You are looking at individual aspects of this situation as though they are unrelated when you should be looking at them as parts of a bigger whole.

So basically you’ve moved a lying cheat you’ve known about 5 minutes into your DD’s safe space and when this is pointed out as being pretty poor judgement your response is to stick your fingers in your ears and go ‘la la la la not listening’

Your poor poor daughters having a random cock prioritised over them and his poor son - if there were no kids involved you’d still be an idiot but the fact there 3 been dragged into this shit show is appalling.

Oh and honesty isn’t ‘cruel’ you just don’t want to hear it

Get him out of your home, you do not know him.

He still thinks he owns the ex partner, he clearly wanted to make her jealous.

All of this is toxic, your girls should be your priority.
You are a fool.

In the nicest possible way op, having read just your first post...you need a reality check.

He doesn't love her
He doesn't love you
He only loves himself.

Ok if she only communicated through email it's because he was abusive and she's been advised to block him elsewhere. He was probably harassing her by text and she got fed up with it.

Why oh why would you let this dick anywhere near you or your kids?

He lies to her and he lies to you and the lies continue. These are behaviours of a psychopath or similar creature.

Niggles? Niggles? Lol. No honey these shouldn't be niggles. He's terrifying. Get away. Fast and far. Before he ruins your life.

You’ve moved a lying cheat into your home with your children and you think he won’t do it to you 🤣

Omg I’ve just seen the post where you said he doesn’t pay towards his child. Nothing would make my vagina dry up faster than a “man” who does not support his children. What a Prince. You’re as bad as eachother and I’ve no sympathy for you whatsoever. This is what your life is going to be like. Forever wondering what he’s doing, if he’s hankering after his ex. Instead of helping him
to set up an email, I’d have been helping him to set up a direct debit to support his son. Children are not pay per view you know?

He doesn’t pay towards his son so does he contribute financially to your household seeing as he’s living under your roof?

No. No he isn't

Your children are your family.

And this man is not safe.

Your job is to protect your daughters.

You see for yourself: He does things to wind his ex up. Why? Because that's what abusers do! It's that simple. Never date people who are spiteful and mean others harm.

You, are next. Wake up.and smell the coffee!

You should never have moved ANY man in this early when you have daughters tbh.

Do you know 1 in 20 men are paedophile and 1 in 5 or 6 'are capable of being attracted to children under certain circumstances'. Who do you think they target? Single mums that's who.

You've made mistakes.'Because I love him' is never an excuse to put your kids at risk. Or, to tolerate liars. Or men who play sick games with their ex's.

It's time to put your big girl pants on and protect your actual family. And yourself. He is very bad news.

There’s nothing anyone here can do for you. I despair. You’ll learn the hard way, I guess.

OP, I was dating a man that sounded like this years ago when I was not in a good place and very lonely. He was not bright at all and I thought I was being a good Samaritan helping the poor sausage. He took money, moved in with me (no kids) and I found out he had been cheating and using drugs the whole time. The red flags were there but I chose not to see them. I cringe now looking back.

It sounds like he is using you as he is not capable of being a functioning adult. Do what's best for you and your girls and get rid.

This.
please think about what you’re doing. ‘Love’ does not over rule the safety and stability of your children

I despair at the way some women invite men in to walk all over them and her children. But they will not be told.

This has got to be a wind up.

He has cheated on you, with his ex. When you were the other woman. He was in two relationships and you didn’t know.

For all you know, he has got another woman pregnant and it wasn’t a wind up at all.

He’s lying to you, he’s not paying for his son, he’s lying to his son and you think it’s not only acceptable for him to have a relationship with your kids but for him to live with them and for them to “love him” when you’ve known him for less than a year.

It’s actually sad that neither of you can be bothered to role model healthy relationships for your kids, and instead want to condemn them to a life of settling with inadequate partners and generational trauma. Shame on you both.

You have NO idea what their relationship was like or that yours is ‘better’ because you’re choosing to be with a proven liar and a cheat.

You have brought a man who clearly has dark triad behaviours into the lives of your two small girls.

We are not being cruel we are saying what we see and what we see is a woman who is putting her sex life ahead of the safety and security of her children, that is not OK.

Cock prioritised over kids - sadly it’s a common theme on MN