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Original poster

Is my partner still stuck on his ex

222 replies

Zoezoe25 · 23/07/2025 18:12

I've met my partner in October last year, he cheated (I didn't know) on his then partner and 5 year old son at the time, she found out about us in November he said, then we went official in December. They were together 6 years, and from he told me the relationship was toxic. However I do not condone the cheating, but I do love him and believe he will not do that to me, we have an amazing relationship.
He currently lives with me and my 2 DDs, we are incredibly happy together, there are a few small issues but I'm sure we can pull through.

The issue is this
His ex refuses to communicate with him on anything other than email.
I helped him get set up on an email address and show him how to use email.
His ex doesn't really bother him TBF only for money and contact, she has a bf as far I as know.
He asked to use my phone the other day and logged into his email account as his phone has died, but forgot to log out.
Last night I had a meal out with family and the Uber home was over a 30 min drive back home so I went on my phone emails and what I came across is an email from this ex on Sunday.
He's was lying to her, told her a month ago that I was pregnant, then told her a week ago we was having a boy, and then told his son twice he was having a brother, his ex was on the call.
He told her the truth on Saturday, she obviously went mad from her email in regards to him lying to their son on one occasion.

He was asleep when I got home, but I can't help but think he must still love her, or else why would he lie to her about this, why wind her up for some long.
I'm really confused and worried - should I confront him?

OP posts:
SilverHammer · 24/07/2025 12:23

Are you so desperate for a man that you are willing to be with this cheating scumbag who, to be frank, does not sound that bright. His poor wife sounds well shot of him. I hope she has found someone nicer.

Original poster
Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 12:58

Yes he pays his way in my home
No he doesn't pay for his son, his ex was really difficult in the beginning and he just stopped paying. I did say this is wrong, but I can't force him to pay.
He sees his son (with me and the girls) every other Sunday, no overnights just yet as we need to sort out sleeping arrangements. I only have a small 2 bed flat.
Yes I know there relationship was bad, I've seen and heard conversations between them.
Obviously I'm not going to detail everything here

So just back off

OP posts:
Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 24/07/2025 13:00

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 11:25

I keep saying it, I do not condone the cheating but what is done is done.
Our relationship is very different to what theirs once was, just because he's cheated once does not mean he will do it again.
Thank you to those who have answered my question, I'm not sure what to think on why he lied.
I have decided not to confront him, I'll act as though I did not see his ex's email.
Some of the replies on here are cruel

You think your relationship is different based on what he tells you.
He's lied to you by not telling you he was in a committed relationship at the start. He cheated on his partner. He's lying to his ex.
Why would you think he isn't lying to you?
I can guarantee his ex thought he wouldn't lie to her at some point and that their relationship was special.
He's clearly not over his ex.
This can't end well for you op

Mrsttcno1 · 24/07/2025 13:01

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 12:58

Yes he pays his way in my home
No he doesn't pay for his son, his ex was really difficult in the beginning and he just stopped paying. I did say this is wrong, but I can't force him to pay.
He sees his son (with me and the girls) every other Sunday, no overnights just yet as we need to sort out sleeping arrangements. I only have a small 2 bed flat.
Yes I know there relationship was bad, I've seen and heard conversations between them.
Obviously I'm not going to detail everything here

So just back off

OP are you genuinely not embarrassed here?

Moving a scruffy little man child into your house with two daughters (no parenting award for you there), a cheat, who can’t even pay for his own son?

God help your kids because you’re certainly not arsed about them, and God help you in a few years when you realise he’s cheated on you as well because you’re nothing special you were just the next in line.

Please get some self respect, and actually look out for your own kids. Pack his bags and send him off.

fraughtcouture · 24/07/2025 13:12

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 12:58

Yes he pays his way in my home
No he doesn't pay for his son, his ex was really difficult in the beginning and he just stopped paying. I did say this is wrong, but I can't force him to pay.
He sees his son (with me and the girls) every other Sunday, no overnights just yet as we need to sort out sleeping arrangements. I only have a small 2 bed flat.
Yes I know there relationship was bad, I've seen and heard conversations between them.
Obviously I'm not going to detail everything here

So just back off

Not the brightest button in the box are you?! Jesus Christ how desperate are you that you think this man is a good bet?!

The pair of you deserve each other but the three children involved here certainly don’t. Your poor daughters having this absolute waster forced upon them in their home!!! How can you possibly put a lying cheat above your children’s comfort and safety?!

GreyCarpet · 24/07/2025 13:12

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 12:58

Yes he pays his way in my home
No he doesn't pay for his son, his ex was really difficult in the beginning and he just stopped paying. I did say this is wrong, but I can't force him to pay.
He sees his son (with me and the girls) every other Sunday, no overnights just yet as we need to sort out sleeping arrangements. I only have a small 2 bed flat.
Yes I know there relationship was bad, I've seen and heard conversations between them.
Obviously I'm not going to detail everything here

So just back off

Does a person's character mean nothing to you?

Genegeniehunt · 24/07/2025 13:14

wow op you are beyond desperate and delusional. Fix up and be a proper mother ffs.

OldandTired66 · 24/07/2025 13:20

Are you absolutely sure the pregnant girlfriend he talked about is you?

namechangeGOT · 24/07/2025 13:30

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 12:58

Yes he pays his way in my home
No he doesn't pay for his son, his ex was really difficult in the beginning and he just stopped paying. I did say this is wrong, but I can't force him to pay.
He sees his son (with me and the girls) every other Sunday, no overnights just yet as we need to sort out sleeping arrangements. I only have a small 2 bed flat.
Yes I know there relationship was bad, I've seen and heard conversations between them.
Obviously I'm not going to detail everything here

So just back off

Your boyfriend is a scrounging cocklodger who doesn’t care enough about his child to pay towards his care. Thus, by enabling the cocklodger to live in your house you are doing your own children a disservice. Poor kids. God, imagine defending such a scrubber, let alone live with one 🤣

YesHonestly · 24/07/2025 13:30

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 12:58

Yes he pays his way in my home
No he doesn't pay for his son, his ex was really difficult in the beginning and he just stopped paying. I did say this is wrong, but I can't force him to pay.
He sees his son (with me and the girls) every other Sunday, no overnights just yet as we need to sort out sleeping arrangements. I only have a small 2 bed flat.
Yes I know there relationship was bad, I've seen and heard conversations between them.
Obviously I'm not going to detail everything here

So just back off

He sees his son twice a month and doesn’t pay for him?

I’m actually gobsmacked that you think he’s a good man! He sees more of someone else’s kids than his own.

And your daughters are going to have his son staying overnight too soon then? I hope they’ve got a decent dad at least.

BuckChuckets · 24/07/2025 13:42

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 12:58

Yes he pays his way in my home
No he doesn't pay for his son, his ex was really difficult in the beginning and he just stopped paying. I did say this is wrong, but I can't force him to pay.
He sees his son (with me and the girls) every other Sunday, no overnights just yet as we need to sort out sleeping arrangements. I only have a small 2 bed flat.
Yes I know there relationship was bad, I've seen and heard conversations between them.
Obviously I'm not going to detail everything here

So just back off

Jesus, you're overlooking red flag after red flag. I hope for your and your children's sake that this is all a joke.

Original poster
Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:49

I'm not going to say anything else.
I know my relationship is good, my DD are safe happy and secure.
Yes he sees my children more, but that's just how it is, unfortunately I live 2 hours away from his son, he decided to move in with me, so that is on him for making that decision.
Please do not make me feel bad for falling in love, he's a good man.

OP posts:
Furrylittlesweetpotatoes · 24/07/2025 13:49

He sees his son once every two weeks and with you and YOUR children and doesn’t pay for him! And lies to him about another sibling!

These poor kids being raised by the pair of you…

And no I personally won’t ’back off’ when children’s wellbeing is at risk of feckless parenting.

DarcyProudman · 24/07/2025 13:51

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:49

I'm not going to say anything else.
I know my relationship is good, my DD are safe happy and secure.
Yes he sees my children more, but that's just how it is, unfortunately I live 2 hours away from his son, he decided to move in with me, so that is on him for making that decision.
Please do not make me feel bad for falling in love, he's a good man.

He is NOT a good man and you are a fool.

BuckChuckets · 24/07/2025 13:51

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:49

I'm not going to say anything else.
I know my relationship is good, my DD are safe happy and secure.
Yes he sees my children more, but that's just how it is, unfortunately I live 2 hours away from his son, he decided to move in with me, so that is on him for making that decision.
Please do not make me feel bad for falling in love, he's a good man.

He's absolutely not a good man. He's a lying, cheating waste of space who doesn't contribute towards his child's upbringing. Gross.

Original poster
Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:51

@Furrylittlesweetpotatoes yes, is this a problem seeing his son together as a family? His ex also had an issue with it, she said it was too soon (this was back in march)
We have been together since October so I don't see why we all shouldn't be together as a family when we come to visit and take his son out

OP posts:
Original poster
Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:52

I give up with you all. So perfect aren't you all

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 24/07/2025 13:52

You’re a pair of feckless idiots - you’re posting like you’re about 14 both a mother of 2.

I feel sad for the poor kids involved in this pathetic shit show

Mrsttcno1 · 24/07/2025 13:53

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:52

I give up with you all. So perfect aren't you all

You don’t have to be perfect to care more about your own children than the cock you want to jump on OP😂😂😂

Please get a bloody grip

Furrylittlesweetpotatoes · 24/07/2025 13:54

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:51

@Furrylittlesweetpotatoes yes, is this a problem seeing his son together as a family? His ex also had an issue with it, she said it was too soon (this was back in march)
We have been together since October so I don't see why we all shouldn't be together as a family when we come to visit and take his son out

Yes it is a bloody problem! He needs time alone to bond with his dad, who he never sees, who moved away from him, who he lies to about a sibling AND doesn’t pay for him. The fact you can’t see that makes you as selfish and entitled as he is. Tbh I’m now thinking you absolutely deserve each other. Just a shame there are kids involved.

TwistedWonder · 24/07/2025 13:55

Not being an irresponsible feckless idiot shacking up with a lying cheat cocklodger = perfect these days apparently

😂😂😂

This has to be a wind up thread - no one is that blinkered and blind to more red flags than a communist party rally surely?

BuckChuckets · 24/07/2025 13:56

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:52

I give up with you all. So perfect aren't you all

Not putting a scumbag over our kids doesn't make us 'perfect', it's bare minimum parenting 😂

YesHonestly · 24/07/2025 13:56

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:52

I give up with you all. So perfect aren't you all

Well, we put our children before a waste of space of a man yes. If that’s what being perfect is I’m happy to take it.

He’s not a good man.
You’re not a family.
You’re going to get hurt and your kids are in the middle of this mess.

Be blind if you want, you’ll see in time.

Beamur · 24/07/2025 13:59

OP - you come across as good hearted and kind, but not everyone is as nice as you. Believing the best in people is lovely but I think it can lead you into being taken advantage of.
People on this thread as looking at your situation - with the information you have provided and can see it differently.
It's not that everyone else is perfect - far from it, I bet most of the people posting have been burned, lied to and let down by people they have trusted and are saying these things from experience not malice.
The only advice I will offer you at this point is to not get pregnant. Stay with this man if you want. But wait a lot longer before you have any children together.

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/07/2025 13:59

Zoezoe25 · 24/07/2025 13:51

@Furrylittlesweetpotatoes yes, is this a problem seeing his son together as a family? His ex also had an issue with it, she said it was too soon (this was back in march)
We have been together since October so I don't see why we all shouldn't be together as a family when we come to visit and take his son out

It’s too soon, are you fucking deranged? Even my ex’s solicitor told him to stop trying to force OW onto my son. What is wrong with you? This is not about being perfect, it’s about you and your shitty relationship and your need for cock above the welfare of your children. Grim.