Is my partner still stuck on his ex

[Zoezoe25]

I've met my partner in October last year, he cheated (I didn't know) on his then partner and 5 year old son at the time, she found out about us in November he said, then we went official in December. They were together 6 years, and from he told me the relationship was toxic. However I do not condone the cheating, but I do love him and believe he will not do that to me, we have an amazing relationship.
He currently lives with me and my 2 DDs, we are incredibly happy together, there are a few small issues but I'm sure we can pull through.

The issue is this
His ex refuses to communicate with him on anything other than email.
I helped him get set up on an email address and show him how to use email.
His ex doesn't really bother him TBF only for money and contact, she has a bf as far I as know.
He asked to use my phone the other day and logged into his email account as his phone has died, but forgot to log out.
Last night I had a meal out with family and the Uber home was over a 30 min drive back home so I went on my phone emails and what I came across is an email from this ex on Sunday.
He's was lying to her, told her a month ago that I was pregnant, then told her a week ago we was having a boy, and then told his son twice he was having a brother, his ex was on the call.
He told her the truth on Saturday, she obviously went mad from her email in regards to him lying to their son on one occasion.

He was asleep when I got home, but I can't help but think he must still love her, or else why would he lie to her about this, why wind her up for some long.
I'm really confused and worried - should I confront him?

Isn't it just. 😔

Post of the week!

Please say this is a reverse . . . .

"A good man"

Hahaha!

I'm sick of the nasty posts.
She called last night to ask for money and I heard her lose her shit on the phone to him. I know what she is like.
She's batshit crazy.
He tells me she calls all the time and all he wants is her to leave him alone.
I think she's still in love with him anyway.
You guys are all sad and jealous, miserable middle aged women

To ask for money for the kids he abandoned 7 months ago after an affair, for whom he pays nothing.

One woman's righteous fury is another's 'batshit'

Ageist post.

Yes, we're all SOOOOOO jealous of your "relationship" with this slimy, useless git.

This is a thread I actually hope is fake because if it’s real - god help those kids

You’re really making him look worse. Not better. You realise that right!?

No you clearly don’t.

‘You guys are all sad and jealous, miserable middle aged women’

@Zoezoe25 Yep I’m super jealous and really wish I had a useless, cheating, lying scumbag as a partner, who is blatantly trying to make his ex jealous, he sounds like a dreamboat!

Yes how dare the mother of his children ask him for money to pay for his own child! Oh...wait...

If she's bashit, does it not occur to you that he may have driven her to that point with all his lies? How sane will you be in 3 years when he is refusing to pay for your child together and dating some new woman and lying to you both?

An no, no one is jealous of your situation. I feel rather sad for you tbh that you think that men are so crap in general that you'd jump at the chance to take one on that is is cheat and a liar who doesn't support his own child. You must have had an unfortunate lot of bad men in your life if you think this one is someone anyone would be jealous of.

Why is your self esteem so low that you would let this loser into your home near your kids?

You might not like the home truths you are getting here op but in a few years you'll wish you'd listened. People are trying to snap you out of your own mistakes.

It's threads like these which make me say that it isn't just men that are useless. Not by a long way. Some women are utterly hopeless as well, and this is a case in point.

😂😂😂😂😂

You got me. I really wish I had a lying, cheating, waste of space man who can’t even manage to write an email.

I am not jealous of you being with a serial liar - who would be? You don't know what their relationship was like because you weren't it - how could you possibly know? I guess the liar told you?

You are entitled to not want anything to do with her - in which case you need to literally cut her out of your life - don't be around when he takes calls, don't earwig on his conversations - she's his past situation, not your current one.

But don't jump down the throat of people on here who are genuinely trying to help because you have made him out to be an absolute bozo - and it's not our fault that you can't see this for yourself. They say love is blind I guess...

Well this is it, isn't it?

I often post on "Why are all men shit?" posts to say they are not.

People always jump to women's defence saying that the red flags aren't there and how were they to know he was lying when he said his ex was crazy or would be useless around the house or would cheat on her.

And that women aren't responsible for men's behaviours. And this is the exact sort of scenario I'm thinking of when I respond with, "No, women aren't responsible for men's behaviours but they are responsible for the men they choose and what they accept."

OP, you may genuinely believe the thread is full of sad and jealous, miserable middle aged women and that is your prerogative, of course.

But it is also full of women with years of experience, who recognise the same patterns of behaviour many of them will have seen (and even fallen for) themselves.

The beauty of this site is that you can benefit from the experience and wisdom of others. Of course, you can choose to ignore it too.

But you posted here because you had concerns. Not to tell everyone how wonderful he was. There is a reason for that. It can be uncomfortable when someone holds a mirror up and shows you things you didn't want to see. It's common to lash out and become defensive. But that doesn't mean people responding to you are wrong. Especially when it is as unanimous as it is.

If you were as happy as you say you are with him, you wouldn't have posted here in the first place. You know deep down he's no good for you. You know that. Listen to your gut feelings.

Can't wait for the child maintenance posts you make here when you have a kid with him.

Mumsnetters, we are spitting into the wind with this one. Unfortunately, the delusion is strong and the intelligence is low. This will be an unmitigated disaster. He'll leave her for the next desperate woman who buys his lies. Then she'll be back here asking how she can get him back.
I couldn't help but chuckle about her thinking that allegedly being privy to heated conversations between a cheater and his betrayed ex (to whom he pays no child support) are indicative that they had a bad relationship. Unbelievable level of delusion.
"She made it difficult for him." No shit Sherlock, he not only cheated on her, left her for the OW, but has the unmitigated gall not to pay for son. He's lucky she hasn't hired a hitman FFS.
I also betting OP was actually not an unwitting OW, but knew all along he was cheating. He convinced her it was his wife's fault and I doubt it took much convincing. 🤡

😄 But it will be "different" in her case because they've had a "different" relationship. Therefore she would get to moan about it but his current ex doesn't.

That poor boy - hopefully his mum is a much better parent than this feckless waster. That kid will end up with more step parents than Harvey Price by time he reaches adulthood

😆Your internalized misogyny is showing, age shaming and all.
As if anybody would be "jealous" because you have some cheating scumbag who won't support his son. You're totally projecting because you are jealous of him having contact with his ex and are afraid he still wants her.

Of course she yells at him, because, and I repeat; he doesn't support his son. Maybe you should tattoo that on your forehead so you can remember it.

So to you it's "batshit crazy" to get angry when refuses to pay his share for his kid. This is beyond everyday denial and entering the realm of borderline psychotic delusion. So it seems you are projecting about the batshittery as well. You're desperate to hate this woman due to malignant, unreasoning and unrelenting jealousy of her and because you know you had a hand in betraying her, so you must blame her so as not to accept any blame yourself.
I wonder if even the finest therapists could puncture such steel plated rationalizations and delusions. I'm afraid your life is very likely going to suck unless you change and start living in reality. I'm not saying any of this to to be nasty, it's just the way these things always go.

Btw, it's highly probable that he tells you she contacts him all the time to encourage you to be jealous and insecure. He's goading you into a pick-me dance, so you'll probably need some tap shoes.

I call dibs! I'm reserving him for the next time he cheats. 😄

I will fight you for him!

Did you read about how he doesn’t pay for his son and only sees him twice a month? swoon.

Also, is anyone going to tell the OP that 37 is actually middle age…..?

Hahahahaaa! I hadn't noticed her saying she was 37. It gets more bizarre all the time.

How much do you want to bet that despite saying she will never reply again multiple times, she's going to reply again.

In all seriousness though, this is exactly what OW who get involved with men of the deadbeat dad variety are like. They live in a fantasy world and have deep seated internal misogyny. They always hate the ex and unjustly feel the creepy guy is being victimized by her.

And the cheated on ex is always ‘crazy’ - more like absolutely sick of his twatty shit and no longer keeping quiet about it.

But these OW think they’ve won such a prize and it’ll be different with them. Of course it will love 😂

It’s just so sad that there’s always kids dragged left right and centre into their shit show.