I’m really going to fall out with my brother over a family holiday

[WanderBug16]

I am 26. My brother is 25.

Last year, my dad and I went to a formula one race together. He loved it and we booked tickets to Monza in September. The holiday grew from just being my dad and I to my family - mum, dad, me and brother. This was my parent’s idea and they very kindly offered to pay (which we accepted, obviously 😂)

Over the last 9 months, since booking the tickets, my dad has faced multiple health problems and it’s been uncertain whether he was able to go. The first time this came up it was agreed that no matter what, my brother and I would go on the trip - on the understanding that he came with me to the F1. This was the only condition my parents placed on it and at that time, my brother was fine with it.

My mum is now facing being unable to fly due to a potentially torn retina. Obviously the same discussion has happened again and the same agreement has been reached. No matter what, my brother and I will be going.

He’s now being a brat about the entire thing. Saying he refuses to go to the F1, saying he’ll only go if I pay for everything while he’s there, and just generally kicking off a bit. I want to shake him and get it through his head that he would be getting an entirely free trip to Italy on the basis of him spending two afternoons at a race track. I’d happily go alone but I don’t think my parents would be okay with that, and on this short notice I can’t afford to pay for the entire trip myself and hope for the best.

I’m just venting, really, and a bit pissed off that he’s being this spoilt over a free holiday! We’re so incredibly lucky and fortunate that our parents have said we should still go, instead of cancelling it all.

Am I missing something? Why can't you go to the race alone?

I’d be happy to - but I think if it got to that stage my parents would rather cancel the trip and claim on their insurance (totally their prerogative!).

Can he not come on the holiday and make a decision about attending the race days when you get there?
That way you don't have to tell your parents exactly what will happen - you're ok going to the races on your own anyway.
But he is being very unreasonable if he's insisting that you pay for everything while you're there.

Why doesn't your brother want to go to the race?

Why are you parents so insistent that you and your brother both attend?

How would they know if brother didn't join you for the race?

Because he hates it (having never watched it), and because it’ll be difficult to sell off a solo ticket at this point

I wouldn't want to drag his moaning carcass around for 2 days so I'd speak with your parents and ask what they would rather do. Cancel or you go to the race alone. F1 may just not be his thing.

It seems a little odd that they have this condition on your travel plans.

Why do you want him to watch the race if he really isn't into it? Would you really narc to your parents?

What a strange condition.

I can see refusing to pay for his food and stuff like that, but will you enjoy it if he's there watching but doesn't want to be?

I'm not a race fan.

He’s just being a bit of a dick about the whole thing. At first he refused to come because my parents wanted nice hotels - but now he’s kicking off again that we might get it for free

Get your parents to cancel and claim their money back if your DB is being a brat. Then, when they're both feeling better, rebook for a future F1 event - next year if necessary - for just the three of you without your whining brother.

Your brother doesn't want to spend money on something he doesn't want to do - fair enough, surely? Can't you ask someone else?

Hi OP

I’m sorry that your parents have ill health and won’t be able to go with you.

I’ve never been to a race but is there a reason why your parents wouldn’t like it?

Your DB is being pricky as this was discussed and agreed and now he is going back on arrangements (and also no way should you have to pay for him - he knew about the holiday last year so had plenty of time to sort himself out)

If it were me I’d meet my DB for a drink and have a chat about it and see what his issue was; if he doesn’t want / can’t go then maybe see if a friend could take his place? And then go to your M&D with a solution instead of a problem - or see if you can go by yourself. I’m now in my 40’s and really wish I did more solo things when I was younger. The bravery I have now is wasted 😂 I needed it then!

I hope you get there OP x

Now I’ve read the updates - I think this is a better idea!

Really selfish but I’d rather go on my own 😅 it would just be convincing then it’s safe

I wouldn't want to waste 2 days in Italy watching cars go round it circles, and I certainly wouldn't want to waste money on the probably horrifically expensive food and drink whilst there either! I can totally see why your brother doesn't want to go.

It’s fair enough about the race - but it’s literally paid for. The only thing would be food and drink at the race which if it came to it I’d pay for.

I think it’s because he doesn’t want to pay for anything while we’re over there, and my parents would just cover it all

Why on earth wouldn't it be safe? Are you driving one of the cars?

Wow! Entitled, much?
Seems to me he is finding every excuse (nice hotels, how awful! And all free too - even worse!!) not to come
He sounds like a complete pain in the arse.

It's bizarre they should cancel if he's not willing to be your chaperone. You are his elder sister, a grown woman. Surely you can be trusted to go to an F1 Race without him. He would be a pain anyway by the sounds of it.

I'd just say 'do what you like on the trip, or if you're not coming I'll try and replace you with someone else.'
Surely a mate would jump at the chance? Or even a friend of your parents?

But I don't think it should be cancelled. That's not fair on you at all.

Could your parents cancel and claim on insurance and you book a flight for just you and go to the race? I accept it might be hard to get accommodation now. Although worth a shot. Your brother is doing his best to shit all over your good time and it wouldn’t be a good trip for the pair of you.

I wouldn’t be able to afford it this close to the trip, I’m changing jobs so money is short for the next month or so

They’re just not keen on me travelling alone. I’ve done it a few times now and it stresses them out, normally I’d say fuck it but with all the shit they’ve had going on in the last year I’d feel awful

He’s just a dick when it comes to money.

It’s things like my mum has to go to an emergency hospital appointment within the next 24 hours - I will have to be the one who comes back from work to take her as he won’t miss his work shift!

@WanderBug16 Tell DB to shut up saying to your parents he won’t go to the race.

Then tell him we go together but you can walk around the beautiful Royal Park the race track is set in, it even has work out areas (if that’s what he is into), he can walk around the merchandise stalls and there are often interactive elements, he can walk to Monza village and get a coffee etc. So he doesn’t have to watch the race.

I think if you get him there he probably will enjoy it.

This is what I want to do. Just slap some sense into him! He’s just a spoilt brat about anything that money comes into.

Could you get a friend to come with you instead of your brother or a cousin or something. Sounds like he will be a pain the whole holiday. Honestly though your parent are going to have to let you be independent at some stage. Maybe it is time to take a stand.