I’m really going to fall out with my brother over a family holiday

[WanderBug16]

I am 26. My brother is 25.

Last year, my dad and I went to a formula one race together. He loved it and we booked tickets to Monza in September. The holiday grew from just being my dad and I to my family - mum, dad, me and brother. This was my parent’s idea and they very kindly offered to pay (which we accepted, obviously 😂)

Over the last 9 months, since booking the tickets, my dad has faced multiple health problems and it’s been uncertain whether he was able to go. The first time this came up it was agreed that no matter what, my brother and I would go on the trip - on the understanding that he came with me to the F1. This was the only condition my parents placed on it and at that time, my brother was fine with it.

My mum is now facing being unable to fly due to a potentially torn retina. Obviously the same discussion has happened again and the same agreement has been reached. No matter what, my brother and I will be going.

He’s now being a brat about the entire thing. Saying he refuses to go to the F1, saying he’ll only go if I pay for everything while he’s there, and just generally kicking off a bit. I want to shake him and get it through his head that he would be getting an entirely free trip to Italy on the basis of him spending two afternoons at a race track. I’d happily go alone but I don’t think my parents would be okay with that, and on this short notice I can’t afford to pay for the entire trip myself and hope for the best.

I’m just venting, really, and a bit pissed off that he’s being this spoilt over a free holiday! We’re so incredibly lucky and fortunate that our parents have said we should still go, instead of cancelling it all.

Also, none of your business if he doesn't want to spend any money at all. Perhaps he's trying to save for a home in the future so that he can move away and not feel so obliged to do something with, what looks like from the outside, a very over-the-top family who appear to think they have the right to dictate how he chooses to spend his time.

There's checking in and theres making you feel bad for having your own life. That's overstepping. If your OK with it then fine but maybe your brother is fed up with being a grown man and told what to do. If I were in your position I'd tell my brother he doesn't have to go and do something he doesn't want to do. I'd go on my own to the F1 and if my parents don't like it then they can canx the trip. Maybe them paying for it is a way to control the situation. I'd rather pay for myself and do what I want to do perhaps that's how your brother feels. I don't think he's being selfish going by your updates.

When he's saying he'll only go if you pay for food and drink -does that mean just for the 2 f1 days or for the whole trip?
If the first I'd suck it up and do that - a few beers for the price of a free holiday is fair enough. Plus you don't have to buy him everything he asks for.

If he wants you to pay for everything for the whole holiday I'd just leave it. Tell your parents it was a generous offer but it will work out more expensive for you. Then just go on your own, with friends, or with your dad if he recovers in a year or two. Your brother sounds like a pita, will you really even enjoy holidaying with him being whiny and pathetic? Is a free holiday really worth it when it comes with all that?F1 happens every year, just plan your own holiday without any reliance on anyone else.

Actually OP did your brother ever want to go on this trip?

Realised from the updates, he’d agreed to go on the understanding he wouldn’t be going to watch the F1 racing, and it was all costs covered by your parents. He wasn’t involved in the planning and never agreed to go spend money. That you know he could afford it is not the point.

he doesn’t want to go on holiday with you. He would only be going because your whole family seem to think you need supervision. If he is going in those terms, remember your family are treating him as your carer so yep, expenses should be covered.

Cancel the whole thing, go on your own, invite a friend. These are the options.

Don’t book a holiday with your brother again. Don’t tell another adult how to spend their own money. Don’t accept your parents treating you like you need supervision.

Would your parents be paying for a trip for 4 people plus 2 F1 tickets and you would be the only person going

Vs

They claim on their insurance and you choose to all go or make your own plans in the future

If I was your parents this would be a no trainer

Why do they think you are not safe to go on your own at 26 years old?

Is there a problem with asking a friend to go and letting your brother off the hook?

Spending 10 days with your brother sounds tricky under the circumstances! It will be memorable for all the wrong reasons!

If F1 is the main draw for you, could your parents claim everything back on insurance (besides the F1 tickets) then you can book your own two day trip with a pal? Or they could book a mini trip for you?

M parents don’t want to claim - they’ve made three claims already this year.

My fucking carer! I’ve never heard something so ridiculous and insulting.

saying he’ll only go if I pay for everything while he’s there

Just agree with him. Say you'll pay for everything (but don't say it in front of your Mum and Dad) then when you get there, dump him. Walk away and do your own thing and leave the overgrown toddler to strop away and pay for his own beer and pizza.
🏎

He means the whole trip. He’s spoilt and been babied his entire life

You don’t feel suffocated by parents who tell you they’re so anxious about their adult daughter, a grown woman, travelling alone that it makes their heart go funny and lands them in hospital? Righto…

Do you honestly hear yourself!?!?

IT IS HIS MONEY HE CAN SAVE IT IF HE WANTS TO!!!!!!!!

This entire thread is you trying to dictate to a grown man what he does with his time and money. Its mind blowing that you cannot see that it's you being the brat!!

Jeez, you're an adult, why do your parents mollycoddle you?

He signed up for a family holiday. He's not getting a family holiday. He's getting a trip with just you to an event that he has no interest in. I think there might be two sides to this story and it's probably best to cancel.

cancel the whole thing. The angst around it is ridiculous.

Your parents have laid down conditions your brother doesn’t want to meet. Thats it. Therefore, unless you’re prepared to be dishonest about it, you need to tell your parents and let them make the decision they want to about the holiday they’ve paid for. They may not want to cancel but they clearly don’t condone attending the F1 separately or not at all. Don’t delay telling them and risk them losing any money that they don’t have to.

its not your responsibility to cajole your brother, he’s made his wishes clear so that’s the end of it.

Cancel the trip. Get the money back through their insurance. Watch the race on TV with your dad and a bottle of champagne. When parents are better, go on a nice holiday with them, maybe to a different F1 race, or just a nice destination. If your brother is an arse about it, just ignore him.

Really quite ironic that you say HE is being spoilt and babied when it's YOU who is dictating to another adult what they do with their own money and YOU who is not "allowed" to travel alone.

Sorry but who is being babied here?!

This gets weirder and weirder.
Your brother is entitled to not want to spend money on a 10 day trip especially one involving an activity that he doesn’t enjoy.
You can be pissed off with him but it seems unfair to call him a brat.
You parents anxiety is not normal and it is limiting and affecting their lives and yours. It is manipulative to get so anxious that your dad complains about his heart. It’s controlling you do that you don’t do what they don’t want you to do. If a partner behaved like that would you accept it?

Your brother doesn’t want to go on the trip. It is now your parents choice to let you go or cancel.

@WanderBug16 Don't forget the bib, baby wipes and pull-ups.

He agreed to a free holiday, now he want's his sister to pay for his every whim?

Of course he should pay for his own food - he's an adult, he's bloody chewing and swallowing it!

Your brother can save or spend his money as he chooses, and spend his time as he chooses. He doesn't like F1, so why on earth would he want to spend a day or two at a race? Something is only a treat if you actually enjoy it, even if you haven't paid for it. Me, I'd love to go to an F1 weekend. But if someone told me I had to spend two days watching football, I'd really not want to.

Your brother can also decide to conditionally accept a free holiday knowing that his parents will foot the cost of everything for, and then not want to go because it will cost him money. Even if you think he has enough money. Because that's not your judgement call. It's his. He doesn't want to spend the money on this holiday, he hasn't factored it into his financial plans for the year. Again, I would love a free holiday to Italy, but if you offered me a free holiday to Turkey and then told me I'd have to pay for my expenses out there for 10 days AND spend two days watching football, I'd turn it down. Other people might think I'm mad, but they're not me, and I'm allowed to have my personal feelings about these things.

Just because something is free and offered well meaningly doesn't automatically mean it will be received that way.

I’d say the one who’s not prepared to spend £200 on food!

Well you’re the one who’s set the scene and filled in the blanks. Is babysitter not palatable?

They don’t want to cancel (again), they don’t want you going alone, they don’t want your brother going and not going to F1. It all sounds very bizarre.

It can’t have anything to do with money as presumably if they aren’t cancelling, their portion of the holiday isn’t being recouped either.

Give them the option. Either he goes on the trip and not to F1, or you go alone. You are all adults, presumably you can have an adult conversation.

He agreed to a family holiday with all expenses paid. The goalposts have changed. He now has to pay for an entirely different holiday.

But why should he!? He doesn't want to! £200 is a LOT of money on minimum wage!

Again- why do you think you have the right to dictate to him how he spends his own money!?