Horrific argument with DH

[Underoressure]

I’ve no idea how last night got so out of hand. Normally our relationship is great. We are mid 50’s, both have good jobs, a lovely house, plenty of money. But we are both under pressure. His job is life or death work, and he’s aching for retirement. I’m self employed and work 7 days a week. I also have an elderly parent who needs me a lot and it’s tough.

Last night we drank far too much. We ended up rowing (rare) and it escalated to the point where I hit him in the face and he pushed me to the ground. I threatened to call the police so he took my phone off me and wouldn’t give it back. This meant I could not set my morning alarm. Cue more arguing and he finally gave it back.

We slept in separate beds. This morning there was evidence of a struggle, a wall plaque was on the floor and smashed and there’s a tiny amount blood smeared on a bathroom tile (we don’t know whose). His face is sore and I have a bruise on my arm.

We are both mortified. We’ve made up, kissed and cuddled and blamed the highly stressful lifestyle, something just snapped. We’re on the verge of a wonderful retirement together and getting the police involved and us both being arrested would have been catastrophic for our travel plans etc.

He is now doing a late shift at work and I’m still dumbfounded as to how we’ve been so stupid.

Not sure what I’m looking for but it felt good to just write that down.

Me either.

You do not go from a great relationship to violence overnight. What’s really going on?

You need counselling.

That’s your prerogative but I can assure you that we are normally great.

Cut down on the booze. Never helps.

You need to stop drinking for a start.

Helpful thanks 🙏🏻

Kids are adults and have left home

Wow alot of judgement on here without supporting the op’s need for advice.

You both need to stop drinking. Obviously something more going on with you both thats brought out when drunk.
So good chance could happen again.

So which one of you normally buttons up your true feelings when you are sober? Because one of you is not being honest with themselves.

Violence isn't OK, from anyone ever.

What was the nature of the row?

If you hit him in the face you deserve everything you got. Sure people will say LTB but if you display physical violence to someone you should expect it back.

Too much booze! You lashed out and hit him, that's bad imagine if this was the other way around and he hit you first.

you were going to call the police after you punched him?

I think you both need time apart to think about this. Then schedule time to talk, somewhere neautral so you can both agree on steps that this no longer happens again. Are you ok @Underoressure , you must be shaken?

1. stop drinking. Both of you. Immediately. Forever
2. cut down your work hours. Both of you. ASAP. Forever. May require less spending.
3. get some formal help for your dependent parent. ASAP etc
4. stop drinking. Oh i said that.

First few responses were indeed harsh!!

I do think we are both under a lot of pressure and everything just came to a head.

DH job is vile. Lots of death involved. And horrible shift pattern. Me dealing with parent is awful. An abusive father who relies on me for everything.

We had too much to drink and it just spiralled.

You're not sure what you are looking for? Advice presumably. You'll get a kicking this being an anonymous forum.

Sounds like stress and alcohol cause both of you to have a massive loss of control. Don't brush it under the carpet. Make time to sit down and talk properly and commit to understanding why it happened, that you will never let it happen again and talk it through

Thank fuck for that.

Stop drinking. The fact that you threatened him with police when you hit him first in the face is interesting. He defended himself?

Get some counselling and act like the grown-ups you both are. This is pathetic-sounding.