Am I odd for thinking this is a mean gift

[drycleanonly]

Back story - I’ve just turned 60, he’s 69. Seen him a couple of times before but for various reasons couldn’t accept his offer to his house last night, so he came to mine. With his uninvited and unexpected (but very welcome) ageing dog.
He brought a bottle of wine, but this is where my mind is blown. He also brought a three tomatoes from an opened pack of six and a thing of mozzarella.
Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.
Have I lost the plot after 23 years of marriage and my first date in the five years since my divorce, or is that a red flag? I was totally dumbfounded, tbh!!!

Yes, it's mean. He's also demonstrating to you that he is thoughtless and puts his own needs first, re bringing the dog without checking. Get rid, there's better out there.

But what did he do with the tomatoes and mozzarella? Did he slice them thinly and arrange them in a plate, drizzled with some quality olive oil and sprinkle freshly picked basil over it? It’s not really a gift, it’s a contribution.

I know you say the dog was welcome but it’s rude and entitled to take a dog to someone’s home without checking first.

As for the tomatoes and mozzarella- very very strange!

I agree that he should have asked you if he could bring the dog. That was just rude.
Re the tomatoes and Mozzarella, had you told him that you had some nice artisan bread, or some olives and salami or whatever?

Did he make up the tomato and mozz starter while there?

Maybe he thought it would dry out if prepared in advance.

I say this as if I go to a friend's or elsewhere bbq sometimes I take all the ingredients and do it there, especially when it's really hot weather.

It's not a gift. He probably brought it to add to the meal.

I'm wondering about all the same things as above, but will just jump to yes, he sounds mean.

Was there any conversation about the cheese and tomatoes? I’d bring that round to
someones if I was contributing a salad but it might be awkward to transport constructed. But I’d walk in and announce “I’m doing a salad, where’s your chopping board?”.
He did bring a bottle of wine which feels like a gift even though you most likely also drunk it last night - it’s a small gesture.

So if he made a mozzarella salad at yours as a starter, I would have really enjoyed that. Had you possibly said you were excited to meet the dog? Again, I would definitely have said that sort of thing.

I think it sounds fine - he brought wine, mozzarella, and tomatoes, and hopefully prepped the mozarella and tomatoes.

It's not a gift like others have said, it's a practical contribution to the evening.

I'd much rather have this than something more performative.

What's he like generally? Is he just socially awkward?

You don’t just bring a dog to someone’s house without asking!

He sounds very very odd

Am totally bowled over by the responses, thank you so much. I just thought if I’d have had the intention of presenting something nice, I wouldn’t be scratching around in my fridge to see what I could take 🙁

What did you make? It depends what the arrangement was.

I think it’s ok as he brought wine.

Had you told him about the M&S idea? Perhaps he misunderstood and thought you wanted a nice salad but had no stuff in so he grabbed what he had available. I'm sure he didn't think of it as a gift!

I do this with friends sometimes, I would make something to share with the ingredients. Keeps it fresher in transit, in this heat.

There was no intention to make anything; I thought maybe if we were both hungry we’d get a takeaway. I just think if my intention was to make a nice salad at someone’s house I’d at least go with a full and intact packet of tomatoes, olive oil and bread. Rather than scratchings from my fridge??? He’s only 10 years older than me, the cultural norm surely couldn’t have bypassed that???

Almost a decade older than you, a dog person, only brings leftovers? Time to say goodbye to this one!

He sounds very strange and rude, did he explain why he brought his dog?

It’s been 20+ years since I’ve used mumsnet 😆 - how do I reply to individual comments? Xxxx

I’d have definitely been more disgruntled about him turning up with his dog!
My friend once arrived with her yappy little mutt, dh let her in - I would have kept them both on the doorstep 😂

Press the Quote button on the bottom left of the post.

Or just press @ and select the name of who you’re replying to - @drycleanonly

I don’t see three tomatoes from a packet of six as leftovers, it’s enough for two people? Was it a full ball of mozzarella?

Bringing a dog without agreement - definitely rude.
Grabbing stuff for a caprese salad, a bit odd but wouldn’t bother me.

Bringing the dog without checking first was very presumptuous and strange. Were the tomatoes and cheese meant to be a gift (did he present them to you as a present?). Has he been married before or is this his first ever date as it seems clumsily executed (on his part).

I mean I wouldn't go out and buy a new packet of tomatoes if I didn't need more than 3 and had 3 at home. Why would I buy new ones if they already existed? I would definitely volunteer to turn it into a salad once I had got there.

How long have you been seeing each other? Edit: sorry just seen you've seen each other a few times. I don't think it would weird me out still but I guess it is polite to bring a little more when it's early days, though I can't say I did when my current relationship was starting out.