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Original poster

Am I odd for thinking this is a mean gift

260 replies

drycleanonly · 12/07/2025 09:16

Back story - I’ve just turned 60, he’s 69. Seen him a couple of times before but for various reasons couldn’t accept his offer to his house last night, so he came to mine. With his uninvited and unexpected (but very welcome) ageing dog.
He brought a bottle of wine, but this is where my mind is blown. He also brought a three tomatoes from an opened pack of six and a thing of mozzarella.
Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.
Have I lost the plot after 23 years of marriage and my first date in the five years since my divorce, or is that a red flag? I was totally dumbfounded, tbh!!!

OP posts:
RealEagle · 12/07/2025 10:45

The question is ,do you want to see him again?

Nousernamesleftatall · 12/07/2025 10:46

3 tomatoes is plenty for two people. I think it’s a good sign that he didn’t arrive empty handed even if it wasn’t to your taste.

Pleasealexa · 12/07/2025 10:47

He bought wine. Perhaps thought tomatoes and mozzarella could be used up. Yes not romantic but not a red flag.

The dog he should have asked about.

DappledThings · 12/07/2025 10:52

drycleanonly · 12/07/2025 10:38

Yes, I’m half Italian, but that’s not the thing. I would have brought all the things to make that. It’s just the half-packet, half-hearted attempt at something on on a second date that’s got me😆. Wouldn’t you try harder?

No, I wouldn't think that I needed to deliberately buy new ingredients and waste half of them because an unopened packet of tomatoes is somehow significant. That's ridiculous

Moonlightdust · 12/07/2025 10:56

I honestly think this is a bit of an overreaction. Nobody had agreed on food. He was coming over to see you, bought wine and probably spotted his pack of tomatoes and mozzarella in the fridge and thought “I’ll bring these in case we might be able to use them up” They are ingredients which go well with artisan starters especially in the warm weather. We eat a lot of Mediterranean food and I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that. Does it matter if there were 6 or 3 tomatoes in the pack - surely 3 is sufficient between 2 people. I think you’re being a bit nitpicky. Poor guy.

OldRoguey · 12/07/2025 11:00

Eenameenadeeka · 12/07/2025 10:19

I don't see the problem.

Me neither!

chicola · 12/07/2025 11:02

I think that’s okay tbh

Anotherhotone · 12/07/2025 11:12

Did you eat the tomatoes and mozzarella? (Also think it’s fine)

ThatDaringEagle · 12/07/2025 11:16

I actually think it's a nice idea.

As you say, you hadn't gone to the shop, so it's not like you went to too much effort for a start.

Yet he brings a bottle of wine and tomatoes & mozzarella to make a nice accompanying salad. Yet you're the one online wondering if he's the mean spirited one!?

Curiously ironic & lacking self awareness...

Ellie1015 · 12/07/2025 11:17

Wouldn't bother me. I think it is nice he brought wine and nice snack. Dont understand why you couldn't also have the m and s bits?? Also seems like he came to your house as you needed to he there which is helpful too.

QueenCarmel · 12/07/2025 11:21

I think you’re the problem OP! If you think it’s over familiar, so is inviting someone to you house for a second date…

flyonmyi · 12/07/2025 11:24

I can vaguely see his logic - he was perhaps thinking ‘I need snacks to go with the wine…let’s see what’s in the fridge??’ It strikes me as a thing a single man might do, whereas if he had a woman in his life she’d tell him to get to the corner shop and buy something decent.

To me, it’s a bit eccentric but not necessarily a red flag. However if it’s indicative of him being really mean with money, then that is a much bigger issue.

I’m glad you were ok with the dog! If it were me, I’d like to be asked before someone turned up with their pet.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/07/2025 11:25

You say you couldn’t go to his house for some reason, so he came to yours. Perhaps he didn’t have time to shop at short notice so just brought what he had? Was there enough? Wouldn’t bother me.

Bringing the dog without asking was rude.

Lolabear38 · 12/07/2025 11:25

I’d have seen the wine as a gift, and the tomatoes/ mozzarella as a contribution. Maybe he knew he wasn’t going to get around to eating them so thought you both might as well share them to avoid them going to waste? I really don’t see the outrage here, to be honest. Certainly wouldn’t be a red flag for me.

Postre · 12/07/2025 11:26

A red flag?? It's just a contribution. If you'd gone to his, how would it matter it he'd used some of his packet of tomatoes and you ate the last ones? A couple hardly needs six at a time.

Funderthighs · 12/07/2025 11:27

To be honest, it was so hot yesterday that I found it hard to think straight. I think having brought the wine was entirely reasonable and if it had been me, I’d have been grappling round in the bottom of the fridge in desperation to find something to bring. Maybe he brought the dog because it was the only opportunity for him to walk it due to the heat. I’d let it go but if it is a regular thing in the future, I’d rethink the relationship.

Simplelobsterhat · 12/07/2025 11:30

It's a little eccentric, and I'd think it was an odd thing to bring, but as he bought the wine too I don't think it's 'mean'. I think the wine alone would have been acceptable, so how is it mean to bring other things too. You don't need a 'gift' just because it's a date, but polite to bring a contribution to someone's house, which he did even if you discount the food.

NaiceBalonz · 12/07/2025 11:31

There's only one red flag and it's not the man bringing the tomatoes and cheese..

TweedleDumbAndTweedleDeeeeeeeee · 12/07/2025 11:32

Poor chap. It’s the thought that counts isn’t it? You have seen him a couple of times before and maybe he got the impression that you like dogs ? You say the uninvited dog was ‘very welcome’ to visit so why comment? The weather has been hot so he is probably getting his dog out for a bit of fresh air and exercise in the evening. Maybe they come as a package. Love me, love my dog 🐶

minipie · 12/07/2025 11:36

The wine was the gift

The tomatoes and mozzarella… ok yes it’s quite casual and more the kind of thing you’d do with someone you’ve been dating a few months. But maybe he just feels very comfortable with you??

The dog, without asking, is the annoying bit. Again I guess he feels very comfortable. Maybe too comfortable??

Boredlass · 12/07/2025 11:38

IMissSparkling · 12/07/2025 10:02

Almost a decade older than you, a dog person, only brings leftovers? Time to say goodbye to this one!

Don’t be ridiculous

Alondra · 12/07/2025 11:38

You haven't lost the plot, your friend is as tight with money as a clothes line. The last thing you need at 60 is a man close to 70 bringing half a pack of tomatoes and a bit of mozarella to your place. The fact he brought his dog when you didn't expect it, it's simply another mark of disrespect.

You are old enough to know why his behaviour is giving you red flags. Believe what your gut is telling you, it speaks from experience.

Steelworks · 12/07/2025 11:42

Seems odd to be. It wouldn’t have taken five minutes to call into a shop to buy fresh food. Also, you hadn’t a discussed him bringing food, or the dog.

Early dates should be the honeymoon stage, and trying to impress. I think he failed.

dogcatkitten · 12/07/2025 11:43

Perhaps he just brought them because he was going to use them that evening (when you were going to be going to his) and he didn't have another immediate use for them, not as some sort of gift just these need using so I brought them along.

Anotherhotone · 12/07/2025 11:45

How did the date go anyway? Did he stay over with his dog? 🐶

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