Am I odd for thinking this is a mean gift

[drycleanonly]

Back story - I’ve just turned 60, he’s 69. Seen him a couple of times before but for various reasons couldn’t accept his offer to his house last night, so he came to mine. With his uninvited and unexpected (but very welcome) ageing dog.
He brought a bottle of wine, but this is where my mind is blown. He also brought a three tomatoes from an opened pack of six and a thing of mozzarella.
Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.
Have I lost the plot after 23 years of marriage and my first date in the five years since my divorce, or is that a red flag? I was totally dumbfounded, tbh!!!

It seems a bit odd, like he just grabbed random items from his fridge. Me, I'd be repulsed as I hate raw tomatoes. But I also own several basil plants. So in that respect at least it would jazz it up a bit. He does sound a bit inept if that was meant as a gift. But he brought some wine.

Did he pay for the takeaway or go halves?
Does he seem tight in other ways? What's his house like, decor, furniture, his clothes, his toiletries, the contents of his fridge day to day?

That might tell you more than just the one mozzer based mishap.

Maybe he's losing it. What do you need a 69 yo man in your life for at 60, anyway? 😁
Sorry, being mean 😆, but also practical.

No, she has every right to be upset. I would not get the ingredients for a dish unless I’ve been asked to and certainly will not bring a dog along.

He has no manners or basic etiquette. Send him away pronto.

What a waste of space.

I would have said, "What's that for, babe?"

(I only say "babe" if I dislike someone.)

Also be wary of the 'dog coming along'. I had an ex who maintained that his dog 'couldn't be left alone.' As in ever. It's sweet and charming to start with, but the novelty palls eventually when you can't go out for dinner (dog can't be left) go away on holiday without extreme planning because of the dog, or have to take the dog everywhere you go.

I have my own dog, and too right I'd leave her if I was going out for dinner or to the pictures, or to somewhere she wouldn't be welcome. But some people get so attached that they end up with a dog that will howl the house down if they so much as hang the washing out. He might be one of those.

So he bought wine and some things he had in the fridge to rustle up an appetiser . What did you supply ?

This.

She supplied nothing but expectations, suppositions & attitude, oh and a thread dissecting his contribution to the date on an Internet thread. Lovely!!

Need a bit more context. Were you guys chatting before about having some food? Perhaps he couldn’t get to the shops either and felt he would contribute something. Or was it just a random offering? The latter would be a bit weird. I’m not sure this is necessarily a red flag, particularly in the absence of any other concerning behaviours.
As for the dog- well, the man is 69 and the dog is ageing so they are likely very close companions. Did you know he had a dog? If not it’s rude that he just turned up with it. If so, he perhaps should have made it clear it couldn’t be left. I think perhaps it’s lack of communication at worst.

What were you expecting him to bring? Would only bringing the wine have seemed better? What would you have taken if going to his?

I don’t really see the issue here. You hadn’t said you were getting a takeaway or that you would cook. Sounds as though he though well I don’t know what the plans are for food but I will take this and it can be a snack or starter. He bought the right amount for 2 people. Why would he leave 3 good tomatoes in his fridge and buy a new pack? Why would he buy bread or olives and why would this have been better? If you were cooking or getting a takeaway that would be too much.Feels like this bloke can’t win.

Re the dog, if it was welcome there is no issue is there? I would like that he brought the dog and that he was not the sort to leave the dog alone if there was the possibility of staying over. I do get that maybe it would have bern polite to ask first but maybe ge is trying to see who you are.

So did you eat what he brought? Did you drink the wine? Did you contribute anything? Did he stay over? Will you see him again?

He should have just bought the wine, and asked about the dog 🙂

This post is lacking in detail! A frustrating read. Like, why couldn’t you get food? You felt guilty but didn’t explain why you didn’t have food for your guest. You also didn’t explain what he did with the tomatoes and mozzarella? He ate them whilst you had nothing? No one knows. This is like half the story. What was the plan for food? It seems like neither of you had discussed it but again the reader has to guess. And what is the gift you mentioned in the title? Confused.

Yes, it’s rude to bring a dog without asking.

I wouldn’t consider the tomatoe and mozarella a gift. I presume he made a starter /salad out of it?? I would prepare it at the location if bringing to a friend, as it’s awkward to bring along (and also much tastier when freshly cut).
bringing the dog without asking is rude though. But I don’t like dogs, so that would really put me off someone.

Would not bother me. I’d be glad he felt he could bring the dog. I’d be more interested in, can he have an intelligent discussion, or does he make me wish he’d leave the dog and go home within an hour. ?
If the tomatoes weren’t in packaging, I’d not have known the size of the original purchase and would not have been able to judge. I’m not fond of tomatoes, anyway, or mozzarella..tasteless rubber.

6 tomatoes is a lot though for only 2 people. You only need 2-3 tomatoes for a tomatoe mozarella salad for 2.

This was the second date?!

And he turned up with a dog without asking, and brought a couple of random ingredients. What did he say about them?! I'm very curious. I love tomato and mozzarella but I'd not just randomly show up with a few toms and pack of mozzarella with no earlier conversations about it, or a declaration that I was going to do something with it for us both (and with some other nibbles too).

It's all a bit odd.

I'm also surprised you invited him to your home on a second date. Is he a brand new person to you? Or had you already known him a while before date one?

A bit odd, maybe not quite an immediate dumping offence. Out of curiosity, how could you know that they were 3 toms from a 6 pack?

I’d be concerned about the dog…unless you’d already told him that you were a dog person …and he thought you wouldn’t mind. Still it’s assumptive!

Id be very happy if someone popped over to mine with some cheese, tomatoes and wine. Basil would be great too…but you could slice the tomato and mozzarella as a nice accompaniment to the wine. At least he didn’t come over empty handed! I think it’s a nice gesture!

🤷‍♀️

Jesus. No wonder there’s a food waste crisis with these kinds of attitudes and the OP’s “I would have bought an entirely new pack of tomatoes”.

The other way of looking at him bringing tomatoes and mozzarella is: creative, practical (assemble it there rather than letting it wilt in the heat on the way over), thoughtful.

I’ve been to many an Italian restaurant which serves whole mozzarella balls cut up and layered with cut up tomatoes it’s a nice sharing starter. I don’t really get the problem. It’s not like he wrapped it, he just arrived with the ingredients to make a quick snack to go along with the wine

Surely it's just an offering for the table? He brought wine too. If he'd only brought wine you wouldn't have batted an eyelid .You say you originally were meant to go to his? Perhaps that was the starter he had planned? He should have asked re the dog though.

What I am getting is this: he does not want to bother with being nice to you. He sees you like an easy catch thinking you will worship any man coming to you because you are mature woman now. Yes, it is a red flag. He wants to come in and take his shoes off as we say in my country. This means he wants to come, sit down and let you do everything for him, apart from having access to his finances

I think it's fine maybe he was planning on making mozzarella salad or something. He brought wine as well.

I think there are two types of people in the world, good friends who's house I could show up to with 3 tomatoes and a dog and those who I couldn't lol.

I consider the latter group hard work, the type of who demand high effort but have little to offer in return, and are overly concerned with appearance and image. I probably only go to the their houses when it's absolutely unavoidable, like an in-law insisting upon it, but I also find people like this are generally incredibly fake and also often quite insecure. I often wonder if they are even actually having a good time in the company of others or if it's just the illusion of a good time that matters to them.

I think it's fine - he bought wine and ingredients for a salad.
Why didn't you have stuff to host?

Honestly, I don't think it's that bad.... if you like him, I wouldn't let it out you off. He brought wine, which is the main gift. I agree 3 Tom's is a bit odd but they go with the mozzarella and if they weren't off/manky and could be sliced then that's a nice nibble plate with a glass of wine on a hot evening.
I agree I'd buy a fresh pack, but at least he's not wasteful and the wine was clearly unopened.
If you had doubts then walk away anyway because 3 dates is too early to have any issues, but if you like him then I'd stick with it personally. If he's otherwise kind, thoughtful, good conversationalist etc, I wouldn't blow it up over 3 tomatoes

Am I missing something here? You got that from him only bringing the ingredients he needed to make a light snack to go with their wine?