Am I odd for thinking this is a mean gift

[drycleanonly]

Back story - I’ve just turned 60, he’s 69. Seen him a couple of times before but for various reasons couldn’t accept his offer to his house last night, so he came to mine. With his uninvited and unexpected (but very welcome) ageing dog.
He brought a bottle of wine, but this is where my mind is blown. He also brought a three tomatoes from an opened pack of six and a thing of mozzarella.
Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.
Have I lost the plot after 23 years of marriage and my first date in the five years since my divorce, or is that a red flag? I was totally dumbfounded, tbh!!!

Yes, I don't see the problem.

Is it that he was supposed to go and buy a new pack? What's wrong with bringing some he already had if he had it in the fridge?

What did you end up having?

He brought you ingredients! Presumably with the expectation that you would do something with them?! It wasn’t a gift, it was a task. 🤣He sounds a bit socially inept. If you like him I’d probably give him the benefit of the doubt and see how it pans out.

I’m similar age to you and 10 years is a huge difference at this age. I wouldn’t touch anyone more than 3/4 years older with a bargepole. Many men are very very set in their ways by their 60’s and looking for the proverbial nurse with a purse.

Maybe look for a man closer to your own age who’s on the same page?

Three tomatoes is plenty of tomatoes to make a side dish for two people. Why would it be better to buy a new pack of 6 and not use half of them than to just bring the ones he already had? That's not "scratching around for leftovers", it's just sensible.

I think you're massively overreacting.

Maybe he was planning on making a lovely Caprese salad for you both, and assumed you had olive oil etc?

Someone help me out on replying to individual messages 😩xx

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I don't see the problem.

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Wait so did he make a salad or not?

It's weird as a gift but not weird as a practical contribution. I'd see the bottle of wine as the gift, and the food as "here's some things we could add to the meal".

Seems like a non event to me. You said you weren't expecting to eat. He brought wine to share, and the healthier equivalent of crisps/nuts to nibble.

I'd have been bothered about the dog, but it seems you weren't, so the food thing seems like an overreaction unless the tomatoes were soft and past it and the mozzarella was a dried out half ball.
Half a packet of fresh tomatoes & a new mozzarella, I wouldn't see the issue at all.

I was confused at first as I thought the tomatoes were a gift for your 60th birthday. Which would be mean. And odd. But if he brought them round to eat as part of a meal (or not, if you wanted to get takeaway) then I don't see the issue. I love a tomato and mozzarella salad!

@drycleanonly

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In response to your situation, my view is it is unusual (food offerings) but it is what you think that is important. Doesnt seem very lavish!

I do think they should have mentioned the dog but you know for next time (if there is one) and tell him what to bring/not bring - start as you mean to go on 😃x

PS how did you meet?

This is so funny - the idea of some bloke wandering into a 60th birthday with his doddery farting old dog and half a packet of tomatoes as a gift 😂

It was a second date though 🫣

OP, have you never had a caprese salad? It's slices of tomato and slices of mozzarella. A very simple side dish that doesn't need routing around trying to find things to go with it. If you'd mentioned you had no olives or whatever it was you said in, maybe he thought you fancied an Italian snack. I agree it sounds like a side dish contribution and shows good manners. Perhaps he was expecting dinner and he thought you were rude. Or if you had suggested possibly ordering pizza it is the perfect side dish for that to make it healthier. If he has just bought a bottle of wine, would you still find it rude? I really don't think it's odd that it wasn't a new unopened pack of tomatoes.

The dog thing is rude though, not to ask.

I think it’s rather sweet. He probably had a last minute panic that he ought to bring something other than just wine & scrabbled around in the fridge to see if he had anything that might be acceptable. He’s probably worrying now about whether he did the right thing!

Did he give any context as to why he brought them?

Three tomatoes is fine, and I wouldn't call having a pack of mozzarella 'scratching around in the fridge'. It is something I would only every buy for a specific reason.

Maybe he likes tomato and mozzarella, and thought you would too.

See what happens on date 3.

Yes, I’m half Italian, but that’s not the thing. I would have brought all the things to make that. It’s just the half-packet, half-hearted attempt at something on on a second date that’s got me😆. Wouldn’t you try harder?

What was the timeline

as ' I thought maybe if we were both hungry we’d get a takeaway.'

did you communicate this to him before he arrived ?

did he arrive at 9pm - in which case most people would have had dinner

or did he arrive at 5pm in which case he is mean as he only brought a bit and expected you to provide the rest of the meal

were you hungry when he arrived ? ' maybe if we were both hungry ' or had you already eaten tho I doubt that as you were thinking a takeaway.

As a dog owner myself, bringing his dog with him was rude !
as dog could have left hair throughout your home, and at this time of year even fleas.

but it also shows that dog cannot be left for long ? periods of time - which is totally understandable or he just thought the dog would like the company or would enjoy your company

however you do not bring your dog, no matter how delightful/adorable it is, without asking the host first.

Tbh OP the fact you’re already thinking he’s a bit odd after a couple of dates is probably your gut telling you you’re not feeling it.

What did you end up eating is what I’d like to know?

Bit strange, but you weren't expecting him to bring anything so not sure why that's mean. He brought a bottle of wine and something he thought you might be able to nibble on. He should have told you about the dog, but I wouldn't say this was a sacking offence at all.