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Original poster

Am I odd for thinking this is a mean gift

260 replies

drycleanonly · 12/07/2025 09:16

Back story - I’ve just turned 60, he’s 69. Seen him a couple of times before but for various reasons couldn’t accept his offer to his house last night, so he came to mine. With his uninvited and unexpected (but very welcome) ageing dog.
He brought a bottle of wine, but this is where my mind is blown. He also brought a three tomatoes from an opened pack of six and a thing of mozzarella.
Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.
Have I lost the plot after 23 years of marriage and my first date in the five years since my divorce, or is that a red flag? I was totally dumbfounded, tbh!!!

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 13/07/2025 07:07

So what was the actual plan? Was it a.'netflix and chill' invite?

GameOfJones · 13/07/2025 07:28

What did you say to him regarding food? Do you think he was a bit miffed you'd invited him over in the evening but not provided anything to eat?

He does sound like a bit of a plonker so just make sure there isn't a third date!

jubs15 · 13/07/2025 07:34

The dog wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest; in fact I might have been more pleased to see him/her than the bloke ;-)

To me, the wine was the gift - quite standard when someone has invited you over for dinner. I don't expect a gift if I've invited someone over, but it is a nice touch if they do.

The cheese and tomatoes were probably him just thinking he had them in the fridge and you might be able to make use of them. Again, I wouldn't have been at all bothered. It's nice that he brought a bottle of wine and anything else was just him probably trying to appear helpful.

rainbowstardrops · 13/07/2025 09:05

So how come you didn’t eat the tomatoes and cheese nor get a takeaway?
It all sounds quite bizarre to me!

Miyagi99 · 13/07/2025 09:07

rainbowstardrops · 13/07/2025 09:05

So how come you didn’t eat the tomatoes and cheese nor get a takeaway?
It all sounds quite bizarre to me!

Too busy having sex after drinking OP’s wine?

Anotherhotone · 13/07/2025 09:08

You must have both been starving!!!

rainbowstardrops · 13/07/2025 09:09

Miyagi99 · 13/07/2025 09:07

Too busy having sex after drinking OP’s wine?

Show quote history

Maybe!!! Hope the poor old dog was asleep!

TwistedWonder · 13/07/2025 09:09

drycleanonly · 13/07/2025 06:47

He did it of his own accord.

Show quote history

Did you throw him out then OP?

Original poster
drycleanonly · 13/07/2025 09:10

TwistedWonder · 13/07/2025 09:09

Did you throw him out then OP?

Show quote history

Yes.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 13/07/2025 09:54

drycleanonly · 13/07/2025 01:47

Well, he and his dog went home. And he took his half pack of tomatoes and mozzarella with him. Plus the wine, because we’d drunk mine. Thanks to everyone for their input x

I’m guessing there won’t be a third date?

cinnamongirl123 · 13/07/2025 09:54

He took his wine with him?! Total loser OP - as I think you realised!

CaptainFuture · 13/07/2025 09:57

drycleanonly · 13/07/2025 09:10

Yes.

Show quote history

So you chucked him out? Absolutely yes to taking his own wine home!!
What a bizarre 'date'.
Invite to yours, you had wine, he has wine...
He brought makings of a salad... you offered nothing, but then chucked him out for not bringing a gift?.

BunnyLake · 13/07/2025 09:58

cinnamongirl123 · 13/07/2025 09:54

He took his wine with him?! Total loser OP - as I think you realised!

The least he could have done was leave it, wasn’t it meant as an offering?

Ah well at least it was only the second date to realise he’s not for you.

BunnyLake · 13/07/2025 09:59

CaptainFuture · 13/07/2025 09:57

So you chucked him out? Absolutely yes to taking his own wine home!!
What a bizarre 'date'.
Invite to yours, you had wine, he has wine...
He brought makings of a salad... you offered nothing, but then chucked him out for not bringing a gift?.

Show quote history

I must admit I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall for that date. 😁

TwistedWonder · 13/07/2025 09:59

CaptainFuture · 13/07/2025 09:57

So you chucked him out? Absolutely yes to taking his own wine home!!
What a bizarre 'date'.
Invite to yours, you had wine, he has wine...
He brought makings of a salad... you offered nothing, but then chucked him out for not bringing a gift?.

Show quote history

Sh didn’t chuck him out for not bringing a gift. Read her posts - he did something that offended her.

TwistedWonder · 13/07/2025 10:00

drycleanonly · 13/07/2025 09:10

Yes.

Show quote history

Think your guy was telling you something that was proved correct about him

carmak · 13/07/2025 10:01

Sounds intriguing. What did he do to warrant the chucking out?

MovingBird123 · 13/07/2025 10:29

Hahaha my mum dated someone exactly like this, only without the dog...

Although, maybe they were great tomatoes and he just wanted someone to enjoy them with? Were they tasty at least?

snemrose · 13/07/2025 11:47

I am guessing you weren’t the most welcoming of hosts (he was wrong to bring the dog without checking with you) and purely going on your responses on this thread I am thinking he had no clue what the hell went wrong and you were both unable to communicate properly. Maybe neither of you are ready to date or you both need to get a hell of a lot better at communicating. I seldom think a man is even 1% in the right but on this I reckon it is both of you

snemrose · 13/07/2025 11:49

What did he say whilst giving you the wine, tomatoes and mozzarella? E.g did he say here’s some wine and I thought we might enjoy some salady bits? Or did he just give them to you without a word? How did you respond?

morwenna2 · 13/07/2025 12:10

Well done for chucking him out OP! An already-opened packet of tomatoes, bringing along an uninvited dog & the emotional abuse red flag of mimicking you. You have really dodged a bullet here.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/07/2025 12:21

It's all just a bit strange ?

Met him a couple of times - so I guess the first time was the party they met at and the 2nd time was their first date ?

Why was the Op invited to his house for the 2nd date, and why for various reasons she was unable to go to his house

So the Op invites him to her house for the 2nd date - why

why did the 2nd date need to be in someone's home - you have met this person twice, did you consider safety at all ?

or was he coming round for sex, as the Op couldn't go to his for sex.

Why bring the dog ?!!!

Can the dog not be left at home alone for a couple of hours. or did he think / hope he was staying the night ? and wouldn't / couldn't leave the dog overnight.

The 2nd date could easily have been drinks in a bar / dinner in a restaurant / the cinema / 10 pin bowling etc etc etc

then it seems no one used their words - there seems to have been no discussion re dinner

tho the Op thought maybe a takeaway - but had she communicated that to him ?
or did he think he was turning up for dinner ?

or not

depending on the time of arrival maybe he had already eaten his dinner ?
tho it seems he brought the items for a starter ?

The Op says she felt bad before he arrived that she hadn't gone to M&S to get this, that and the next thing. Why not. had she said to him ' we'll have dinner at mine ' ?

Anyway she provides wine which gets drunk, and he takes his bottle home with him !

and neither will ever be seen again.

nor will the tomatoes and cheese ! which this thread was all about.

snemrose · 13/07/2025 16:56

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon
oh my god - all of those questions and probably a lot more too 🤣

ThatDaringEagle · 13/07/2025 17:11

drycleanonly · 13/07/2025 06:47

He did it of his own accord.

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Too right too imho.

So on your second date, you invite this guy to your home, after insisting on not going to his, he brings wine, tomatoes & mozzarella cheese, and brings his dog, assumedly cos he didn't want to leave him at home. Meanwhile you provide nothing, you haven't cooked dinner (nor probably communicated you wouldn't), you haven't as so much as gone to a shop to get ready to entertain the guest you insisted on coming to yours, and then you got offended that he mimicked you someway that made you take offence.

Tbh, I don't think ye're very compatible but he's probably the one who's avoided a bigger bullet here too!!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 13/07/2025 17:19

drycleanonly · 13/07/2025 06:47

He did it of his own accord.

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He took his wine home after drinking yours?!! I mean … that alone tells you everything you need to know.

A condescending twat and tight, OP - yeah, your original instincts re: weird/mean were obviously spot on. I think your spidey senses are fully tuned up so probs no need to check in with the viper’s nest next time 😂