Online boyfriend always wants my attention and is controlling - what to do?

[Gasolinehorseys]

Online boyfriend constantly wants my attention and gets upset when I take time for myself.

I've been in an online relationship for a 8 months and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s suffocating me. He constantly wants to be on calls, watch films together or just be in contact. If I say I need some alone time or disconnect for a bit, he gets moody or starts questioning what I’m doing.

I don’t feel like I have space to be by myself and I hate having to justify my every move. He’s a nice person and I care about him, but I’m starting to feel suffocated and I’m not sure this relationship is healthy anymore.

Has anyone been through something like this?
I'm not really sure what to do or how to do it.

Sounds like a horrible man! It reminds me of this documentary:
https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81591286?s=a&trkid=13747225&trg=cp&vlang=en&clip=81907592

Switch off.

Do you really think this man is going to the gym when you say you're going to the gym? Really? He's just trying to make you jealous.

He sounds awful - really controlling and as though his life is in a complete mess (like his home). He says what he'll do in bed and it sounds to me as though he thinks if you don't enjoy it that would be your fault, not his.

I'm really glad you've blocked him. Just stay strong and don't speak to him again. Don't message when you're drunk, either, no matter how tempted you are to set him straight.

Try Switching your internet off

You need to think more critically about his claims - he’s not worried about you, he’s controlling. Deeply deeply controlling. You need to stay well clear now as he is not a healthy person to have in your life.

Never doubt for a second that you have done the right thing in ending this. Keep him blocked.

On both Android and iPhone, you should find a feature to silence or block calls from numbers not in your contacts. Do this. Put it on Airplane mode while you work it out.

You also have to accept that while you allow this to happen, you're allowing it to happen, I would really encourage you to bring up what's happened with your therapist and work out why it got this far, and how you can stop it repeating in the future.

"Hi I'm unhappy, my boyfriend is a dick, what should I do?"

Weeeellllllllllllll..... it ain't rocket science.

Lots of women post on here asking for help, many of them bear emotional scars, have been manipulated or controlled for a long time, and some of them are afraid of potential reprisals from their abusive partner if they try to end things.

So maybe think about that, eh?

It's someone she has never met on the internet who lives in another country. It is not a man she's living with and financially tied to or has children with.

She needs to seriously think about this and how she feels so unable to end it, because she relatively free still - to keep this in mind for future relationships.

Questioning whether she should end it, in the circumstances she has, needs a 'yes of course you can, just do it'.

Otherwise you just end up almost labouring the point and building it up as something harder than it is. Sometimes I do think, giving it more thought and headspace is actually part of the problem.

She needs to end it and block which she has.

He's controlling wayyyyyyy tooooooo much of your life.

Its time to LTB.

I don't think you're getting anything out of this but he's doing a lot of taking.
I've had this before but with friendship.
Switch off and live your life. Block him.

He doesn't need to agree to you breaking up with him it's not a mutual decision. You just say it's over stop contacting me and then block him. If he continues to harass you seek advice from police (who may be able to chat to German police).

Well done for telling him it's over, now you need to be strong.

Can you go do some things he would have make it difficult for you to do and that you like doing, to help remember how good life is without him? e.g. simply leave your phone in your room and go hang out with your house mates.

Or, arrange to see some friends who you've maybe neglected while this relationship has taken so much time and energy.

Spend some time by yourself, doing whatever you like to do (read a book? Watch TV?) uninterrupted.

You also need to get some serious help with your self esteem. Currently, you are incredibly vulnerable to being exploited by controlling men, as you obviously find it so hard to put your own needs first. Thank goodness this prick is in a other country, but sadly they exist in every country and if you meet another in real life you stand a very real chance of being seriously abused. Do you still have counselling? If so please speak to you counsellor about it, you deserve so much better than this kind of treatment and you need to learn how to protect yourself from men like this.

I am glad you blocked him. He is insane and unsafe. Too bad he knows your address. I hope he doesn't turn into a mad stalker and his interest will fade if you keep not responding. Stay strong. It was a very unhealthy obsession. Live life, go travelling, find an interest elsewhere, meet real men near you.

Yep, he’s just draining her and not adding anything truly beneficial to her life. I’ve had this with friendship as well so now have very strong boundaries regarding friends.

Aw you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty. Yes your health does come first and I can’t imagine she would ever prioritise you.

Irrespective of her grief or what she was going through, I bets if the tables were turned she wouldn’t allow you to treat her like that and she wouldn’t treat most of her other friends like that.

She sounds massively entitled and thinks she’s more important than you and the main character in your life.

I had a childhood friend who would trauma dump on me regularly for years when I was struggling with my own mental health. After years of being a 24/7 therapist i I found the only way to make it stop was to start sharing things I was struggling with. She clearly didn’t like that and would go quiet. She’s no longer in my life.

I steer clear of people who wouldn’t ever make the sacrifices that they demand of me, and see me purely as a crutch to lean on, rather a multi faceted individual with my own feelings.

I got drunk but I messaged my mama so that she knows. He kept sending me money through PayPal so he could message me and his emails kept coming through. He sickens me to be honest and I'm not interested at all on him. He's vile. And all I can think about is his fat stomach, sorry to be shallow.

Dude you don't have to get through to him. Tell him you don't want to hear from him again, block him everywhere and tell your mother to block him as well if he gets in touch.

You clearly dont understand. If you aren't going to say anything helpful, maybe don't bother messaging at all.

I think people are getting frustrated although there is no need to be rude.
Why he is sending you money on PayPal? Can it be sent back - sorry I don’t use it so have no idea.
Get a new phone number is the only way I am afraid.
Edited to add: I know it’s tough but please don’t get drunk when you are so vulnerable.

This. Short and sweet.
Have no idea why OP thinks no one ‘understands’ and feels the need to be rude.
Seems an awful lot of drip feeding too ….

Block the emails. If you can't work out how to do this by Googling it, ask someone you know in real life to help you do it. Block all calls from unknown numbers, block him on every social media platform. You can block someone from sending you money on PayPal too. This is all very doable with immediate effect.

I repeat, put your phone into airplane mode immediately, then you will get no communication. When you sober up do the above and you should not receive any further contact from him.

I hate to say it but you have a responsibility to do what you can to draw a line and stand your ground. Nobody is going to do this for you, you are a grown up. If you feel that you're unable to cope seek professional help. This really isn't high level complicated stuff you seem to be struggling to do.

Don't bother sending the PayPal money back.
It's just contact, and that's what he wants. He wants to know that you've had to go through the motions for him.

Just ignore everything.

You could also close that PayPal account, and set up another one with a different email address. You can easily make a throwaway email account, and he obviously won't know what it is.

Sorry, I don't think it was made clear. I was responding to one person who was being rude. I dont know how to message directly. Apologies.

Use the QUOTE button.

It's the first on the left, under every post.