Online boyfriend always wants my attention and is controlling - what to do?

[Gasolinehorseys]

Online boyfriend constantly wants my attention and gets upset when I take time for myself.

I've been in an online relationship for a 8 months and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s suffocating me. He constantly wants to be on calls, watch films together or just be in contact. If I say I need some alone time or disconnect for a bit, he gets moody or starts questioning what I’m doing.

I don’t feel like I have space to be by myself and I hate having to justify my every move. He’s a nice person and I care about him, but I’m starting to feel suffocated and I’m not sure this relationship is healthy anymore.

Has anyone been through something like this?
I'm not really sure what to do or how to do it.

That's a great story, I'm really happy for her and well done for being so supportive, you're a good friend to her. @ErlingHaalandsManBun

This is an online relationship. Simply block him on all your devices, as you would a nuisance caller. It’s not hard, it’s incredibly easy.

There's something not right about a relationship of any kind where you are scared to break it off and the other person won't take no for an answer. What is a grown man doing contacting your mother, FFS?

Tell him: This is no longer working for me. I wish you well but please don't contact me again. Then block and tell your mother to do the same. Do not accept any parcels or mail.

Then take a good long break from relationships while you work on getting better boundaries. And tell your therapist! It's important.

Send him a message OP. Just message him, explain that this is not working for you and he is too intense. But that you have made your mind up and it won't be changed and that you wish him all the best. Then immediately block him on everything. All social media accounts and let your mum know and tell her not to indulge him and to block him also. Block immediately. Do not give him chance to respond or he will convince you that you are doing the wrong thing and will emotionally blackmail you.

Do it now if you like while you have all of us here to support you.

@Ansjovis thank you. That's why I'm here. I am listening to you all and I'm ready to end it and have been for a long time. I just needed the courage to do it. I've talked to my mum about it but she doesn't like to get involved in my relationship life because it's up to me. I'm ready to block him, I've messaged him to let him know Im ending things but it never goes down well, I think the best thing is to block him without explaining anything. I'll feel really bad but he must know by now that I'm not into this. He's in denial

Has he asked you for any money, OP?

Block him and don't give him chance to respond to your message. You don't need to hear what he has to say or whether it has gone down well etc....

@ShoeeMcfee he asked for the plane ticket money back but his father has money, or so he says. He brings it up a lot and and uses it as a way to stick around because his father has money so we'll never have money problems if we marry. I'm not interested in his money

This^^

I'd throw that one back op - block and deleted. Red flags are there to be listened to. You don't need to feel guilty, if a relationship isn't working for you any longer (and this isn't working) you are entitled to end it as you see fit. His reaction to that is his responsibility. And tbh he sounds abusive. This will only get worse. His big reactions to you ending things should be confirmation that the relationship wasn't right and that he doesn't respect you.

What you use is your choice. Tbh I would never date someone who uses drugs but that's your choice. If he doesn't like it, he breaks up with you rather than try to dictate to you.

He’s a catfish getting a kick out of fucking with your head

Blo k him and tell your mum to block him too

I’ve learnt from bitter experience through work and love life that anyone that is intense is always an unhealthy dynamic and red flag.

You need to block him, OP. Today. Don't worry about what he may say/think - just delete him from your life, lass.

Block him and tell your mum he’s controlling and becoming abusive. Tell her not to speak to him, answer his calls or pander to his concerns for you. Get out of this and work on your self esteem

Ending things just seems hard.

Harder than having a moany, jealous time-waster you've never met eating up your life?

@TwistedWonder he may be, it took him a while to admit he's overweight, but he has showed me now. Hes messier than he said, he goes on about how big his penis is and then when I saw it it was average, which is fine just a turn off that he goes on about it still. Says he's really good at fucking and once I get to his he will make me orgasm all the time. Always goes on about what a good father he will be. He's unemployed, plays games all the time. Gets jealous that I talk to men, which makes me think he talks to women a lot. He has a lot of female gamer friends, which I couldn't give a shit about because they're in their early 20s. I'm just not attracted to him.

Fucking hell OP he sounds like a right catch 😂😂

Seriously definitely need to dump this one and quickly.

Don't even say it. Just click the block button and ask your mum (and anyone else who's contact details he has) to also block him.

It'll be a LOT of effort for him to go to, to turn up at your home. But in the unlikely event he does that, ask your roommates to ask him to leave, tell him you've moved, call the police, whatever works.

You're in control here. He's countries away.

Well in that case I'm glad we've helped you summon the courage. I do find it sad that your mum is not more supportive though. There is a big difference between your mum not wanting to get involved in her daughter's petty squabbles in an otherwise healthy relationship and what's happening here, where you need support to recognise what an unhealthy relationship looks like otherwise your safety may end up being at risk.

If your mum is not going to help, I would urge you to be brave and tell your therapist the truth. It will feel painful but I promise you it is the best way. I've been around this site long enough now to know that recognising unhealthy vs healthy relationships is tough and it's not shameful to need help. On any given day it's possible to see women posting here who are married with multiple children and still need help on this front.

So why is it so hard to end things with an unattractive, unemployed gamer whose idea of a relationship is showing you his penis and boasting about what he will do to you with it in the unlikely event you're ever in the same country?

@Jawdrop he is a somewhat intelligent guy, I e become used to talking to him and we have gotten to know each other well, We've been talking for a few months now. That's why it's hard. But I also know it's time to end it and its a hard thing to do for me right now. I'm having trouble with family, lack of friends, work, new housemates. I have the support of my therapist but that's once every three weeks. He's supportive when I ask for help, but he's also incredibly manipulative and controlling when my strong side comes out and I show independence as strength and lack of dependence on him, which its often.

Block. Him.

A catfish isn’t just someone who pretends to be another person. He’s almost certainly misrepresenting who he really is even if he is the actual person he claims to be.

He’s an unemployed loser who is almost certainly a virgin watching porn and wanking in his box room while his patents watch tv.

Just tell him it’s done and block him.

I'm a sensible person, I just like to do silly things sometimes like take MDMA and speed once in a while.

That isn't remotely sensible though.

Why can't you just send him a message telling him it's over, then block him.

I can't see the difficulty.

This isn’t a relationship. It’s a penpal.