Online boyfriend always wants my attention and is controlling - what to do?

[Gasolinehorseys]

Online boyfriend constantly wants my attention and gets upset when I take time for myself.

I've been in an online relationship for a 8 months and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s suffocating me. He constantly wants to be on calls, watch films together or just be in contact. If I say I need some alone time or disconnect for a bit, he gets moody or starts questioning what I’m doing.

I don’t feel like I have space to be by myself and I hate having to justify my every move. He’s a nice person and I care about him, but I’m starting to feel suffocated and I’m not sure this relationship is healthy anymore.

Has anyone been through something like this?
I'm not really sure what to do or how to do it.

Well done OP. You might want to block him if he continues to message you and let your family/friends know not to engage with him either.

He should have been blocked as soon as that message was sent. His ability to reply is no doubt going to prolong things!

You were right to tell him you were ending it. Otherwise he'll try and tell himself there is some other reason for your lack of contact. Also if he starts harassing you and you need to take legal action, there's a record of you saying you don't want to be contacted. In the meantime, block him and do not be drawn into any sob stories.

Dump.

Pleased to see you’ve ended it. Please now be honest with your therapist, as there’s no point engaging with therapy if you’re afraid to bring issues to the table. I’d also suggest you use your time online now to complete the freedom programme.

@Bluegoo thank you. He is now blocked on everything. Unfortunately, he does know my email address, I blocked his email ages ago so it came through spam, but I didn't read it and blocked it straight away. I can't deal with that bullshit now.

Standard narcissist move. Trying to convince your family you are mentally unstable.

Just get away from this creep, fast. Tell your mum he is controlling and suffocating and it's over. And not to take his calls.

Hes a manipulative psycho op.

Don't answer any calls from unknown numbers or accept friend requests from people you don't know...if he threatens suicide, as his sort often do, simply call the ambulance folk and tell them what's what and they can decide what to do. Do not reply to him.

End it and block him on everything ideally. He's not your friend, he means you harm.

I had an online friend whom I met through a social media platform. She had been widowed about 3 months after me and I felt sorry for her.

I'd get a message to ask whether I was still awake in the wee small hours and then she'd want to FaceTime. I'd do that at about 3 in the morning because I felt sorry for her.

However, she suddenly became very demanding - if I didn't reply to a text, she'd phone and wake me up, She did have RL friends - more than I had, I think.

One time, she phoned while I was fast asleep. (This was at the point when we'd both been widowed for 4 years.) I just ignored it - I had a medical appointment in the morning. The next day, I got an accusatory message "If you don't want to speak to me again, just say."

I messaged back to explain that I'd been sleeping and had an appointment which was (truthfully) why I'd not seen her follow-up on social media straight away.

Thereafter, I changed the settings on my phone so that it doesn't accept calls between 10 pm and 7 am. I've not heard back and I'm assuming that the friendship is over.

Sometimes, you have to protect yourself. Protect yourself, OP. Block him.

OP he sounds like a manipulative loser tbh. An overweight, unemployed , porn addled, smoking, gamer. Please get rid of him.

Well done OP on getting out of that relationship.
i read all your posts, and he comes across as a needy, controlling, manipulative and delusional narcissist. The great thing about an online relationship is that you can just switch it off.
He would never have made you happy.
Stay strong.

Smart move. Sounds like you're taking all the right steps and moving in a good direction.

Stay strong and avoid checking your spam folder if possible.

If he sends a letter just tear it up and toss it in recycling. Hopefully this will be the last you hear of him though.

Sweet Bobby?

She sounds extremely selfish @WearyAuldWumman I’d have nipped that in the bud early, and made clear I reply to messages when I’m ready /able to and unless it’s an emergency no need to call to follow up - especially if it’s during normal sleeping hours.

What I’ve found is people who have quite a lot of friends and yet act in this way don’t typically treat all their friends like this.

They single out certain people they think they can treat in this way and run with it. It’s often a sign they don’t value or respect you. They are fully aware most of their friends wouldn’t tolerate it.

@WearyAuldWumman completely get it. He would message me at 4am to let me know how couldn't sleep. Like what do you want me to do about it? And if I'd disconnect when we were online because I'd fallen asleep, he would ask where I am. I can't relax knowing he's worrying if I'm not available or if I'm disconnected or offline. It's no way to live!

Could you just send him one last message saying it’s not working out and you wish him well and then just block him on everything?

what’s stopping you doing that?

Yes op 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

This.

Block, delete and do the Freedom Programme so you can spot red flags in the future.

@supersop60 thank you for your patience with all of this and your kind support. I really appreciate the guidance. I've really needed it and wished I'd come here months ago. I've been struggling this whole time and you've all made it seem so much simpler. Than you.

Stop worrying about what a manipulative coercive man will feel. Lean on your mum and say listen I'm breaking up with onlinescumbag just block him because he will try and use you to get to me again.

If he tries, report to the police.

You're going to look back on this and wonder how you didn't see all his manipulations. What a nutcase.

Well done OP for breaking it off.
How about talking to your therapist about how you might meet a real-life boyfriend who lives close enough for a full relationship? Or if that seems scary, you could talk about why. Good luck.

please bring the laughing emojis back 😂

@WearyAuldWumman whit a nightmare!

Hope you've found other lovelies though 🌸

As, pp said, I'm sure there will be a long rambling letter in the post. Just file it away somewhere incase the police ever need to see it.

Read up on 'narcissist hoovering tactics' and 'narcissist smear campaign' so you can see things he may try to do.

TBH, at first I was worried that she was suicidal. I know just how awful the first months of bereavement are...but this just went on and on.

The other layer that I didn't mention was that she'd usually be drinking when she Facetimed.

One time, when she woke me up by phoning, I explained that I had to be up in the morning but I could speak to her for half an hour - that I didn't want to put the light on because then I'd not be able to get back to sleep.

"But I need to see your face!"

Then it was "Oh, I shouldn't have phoned. It's all right." It was the time after that that she became annoyed.

I still feel a bit of guilt about not responding, but I've told myself that my own health comes first.