Online boyfriend always wants my attention and is controlling - what to do?

[Gasolinehorseys]

Online boyfriend constantly wants my attention and gets upset when I take time for myself.

I've been in an online relationship for a 8 months and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s suffocating me. He constantly wants to be on calls, watch films together or just be in contact. If I say I need some alone time or disconnect for a bit, he gets moody or starts questioning what I’m doing.

I don’t feel like I have space to be by myself and I hate having to justify my every move. He’s a nice person and I care about him, but I’m starting to feel suffocated and I’m not sure this relationship is healthy anymore.

Has anyone been through something like this?
I'm not really sure what to do or how to do it.

@Queenofheart what do you mean?

I have the support of my therapist but that's once every three weeks. He's supportive when I ask for help, but he's also incredibly manipulative and controlling when my strong side comes out and I show independence as strength and lack of dependence on him, which its often

Your therapist is manipulative and controlling, and wants you to be dependent on him? If this is the case, stop seeing them and see someone else as that’s not normal in a professional sense.

From a lot of what you have written, you would be classed as a vulnerable person. Understand at this point your mum has stepped back, and doesn’t want to be so involved, but apart from the therapist you refer to, are any other services assisting you to navigate aspects of life?

I think she means the online bf is supportive when she asks for help. Not the therapist.

Well done OP!
Try and talk to your therapist about this, it sounds like the online chat had become an addiction for you. But the only way to build up relationships in the real world is to get out there and engage with people.
This is where you need to be brave and try that next step.

Get a new phone number and copy only the people you want to take forward into the memory, excluding him. Then send a message to everyone you've kept explaining that the old number is dead.

Well done OP.
Keep him blocked.

I think she means the online bf is supportive when she asks for help. Not the therapist

That would make sense, but wasn’t the best flow. I’ve learnt never to assume!

1. You have not been in a relationship you’ve been in a co-dependent fantasy with a stranger. You are not responsible for him he’s a grown man.
2. You are 33. Time to get real with your therapist. Be completely honest about what’s going on because then you will make progress and make a better future.
3. What struck me is you saying you have few friends. That’s what you need. You live in a house share and go to the gym - you must have at least 1 or 2 people around who could spend time with you? It’s time to start doing things you enjoy with people in real life.
4. While you are fine with drugs, being vulnerable and drunk with anyone online is not good. Ecstasy and speed mess with your brain. It’s like cancelling out your therapy. Be kinder to your brain and your system while you are vulnerable. Going sober was the best thing I ever did at your age. And good luck. You deserve every happiness.

This just feels like it's shaping up to be a classic romance fraud...

@PeggyMitchellsCameo thank you so much for your message. I am listening and I take your advice. Thank you a lot! Xx

He sounds truly revolting

Block him everywhere

Yep. The "rich father", the alleged purchasing of a plane ticket - then asking for the ticket money back; the not having to worry about money if they got married (when they have not even met in real life).

I would take everything he has said and claimed with a pinch of salt. Is he even living in Germany? He could be in any country and nothing he has said about himself may be true.

OP really needs to educate herself about online relationships and safety. There are plenty of documentaries about this she could watch.

I thought so too until all the creepy stuff about his big dick. I mean...a romance frauder with zero game maybe.

Well done for blocking him. If he persists in harassing you or your family, then don't hesitate to go to the police and report the matter.

@putitovertherefornow thank you I'm getting private calls. I'll just ignore them

You might need to get a new number OP.

If it makes you feel better imagine he was some guy you knew of across town from you. You wouldn't think twice to swipe him away on an dating app if he listed everything about him-

32
*Unemployed
*Smoker
*Likes showing pics of my appendage
*All day gamer
*Love a long nap in between gaming
*I'll be in contact all day long wherever you are and whatever you're doing- lucky for you I have no hobbies or friends
*Cuddly bear, because life's too short to exercise
*I like being indoors, the sun is for strange folk
*I don't need to work because daddy and the state pay for my housing

OP, I’m adding my voice here because I stayed four years in a relationship that I wanted to leave after three weeks.

I know I was stupid and I knew it at the time! He was lazy, selfish, aggressive to other people and a dangerous driver. I kept trying to break away, but he was endlessly needy and I felt sorry for him.

Don’t be me, OP!

Yours sounds as bad as mine.
Says he's really good at fucking and once I get to his he will make me orgasm all the time. Always goes on about what a good father he will be. He's unemployed, plays games all the time. Gets jealous that I talk to men, which makes me think he talks to women a lot etc etc. What a bullshitting layabout.

You’re getting lots of good advice here. Don’t worry what he’ll think about you. Just say this isn’t working for you, then block and delete.

He’s not your boyfriend, he’s an online stalker. Just end it, block him and block on your mother’s phone while you’re at it.
After that, try and carve yourself a real social life. New hobbies, meet up groups etc - not with the sole aim of meeting a man, just to get out in the real world and meet actual people.

Please don't ever engage with him again. An online relationship isn't real. You don't really know the other person, just a highly edited version. And he just sounds very weird.

Have you warned your mum? If he has her number, she also needs to know to block him.

Good point.

@PeggyMitchellsCameo Iias his messages and calls and Im struggling

Switch your phone off for a few hours to give yourself a break.

Theres so much wrong in your posts OP I don't know where to start, maybe work on your self esteem and be on your own instead letting some weirdo stranger (he's not your boyfriend) trying to control your evey move.

Was about to tell you that I also had a BF who lived in Germany, but I met him in person through a hobby and we had a happy long distance relationship before I moved in. Still wondering if you ever met him in person, my only advice is to never get involved with an unemployed man, they are lazy and have nothing to bring to the table, as soon as you find out they don't have a job cut them off and ignore,