Online boyfriend always wants my attention and is controlling - what to do?

[Gasolinehorseys]

Online boyfriend constantly wants my attention and gets upset when I take time for myself.

I've been in an online relationship for a 8 months and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s suffocating me. He constantly wants to be on calls, watch films together or just be in contact. If I say I need some alone time or disconnect for a bit, he gets moody or starts questioning what I’m doing.

I don’t feel like I have space to be by myself and I hate having to justify my every move. He’s a nice person and I care about him, but I’m starting to feel suffocated and I’m not sure this relationship is healthy anymore.

Has anyone been through something like this?
I'm not really sure what to do or how to do it.

So what if he thinks that? His opinion after he’s blocked doesnt affect your life in any way shape or form

With respect you seem to be finding excuses not to do what’s absolutely obvious

I would end that relationship

For goodness sake, just block him. Block him today and in future, stop forming relationships with people you haven't met.

FFS……dump him, block him and find an alternative method of socialising with people. That kind of relationship is not healthy and totally unacceptable……he’s smothering you.

@TwistedWonder you're very right about that. I have worried that he's holding me back for a while now. I want time to myself. I like going to the gym and he told me that he doesn't like other people seeing my body. I was firm with him for this because I love going to the gym and what he was was complete horseshit. He copies me a lot too. Whenever I head out or go to the gym he will do the same. Which is fine I'm glad I can motivate him like that, but I don't want to be that for him. I feel like I benefit him more than he benefits me.

Have only read your posts OP and tbh he sounds clingy, strange, and somewhat revolting. I can't put it any nicer than that. I thought he was going to be about 18 but in his early 30's? He sounds a bit pervy as well as a liar.
Pull the plug on this one and block on all media.
In the remote chance he turned up on your door step call the police straight away if you are worried or feel threatened.

We get it, he's horrible. Now, we don't need any more details, just go ahead and block him.

Dear god massive red flag run for the hills op

"What he safest message to send before breaking up with him and blocking. It has to be sympathetic and short, otherwise he will think I'm crazy or insane"

You don't need to send a "safe" or "sympathetic" message. It does not matter what he thinks of you - just block him and move on.

You sound vulnerable.

Perhaps you should discuss this relationship (and why you have not blocked him already) with your therapist.

"It has to be sympathetic and short, otherwise he will think I'm crazy or insane"

It doesn't matter what he thinks of you.

The best way to handle stage-10 clingers and stalkers like this is to be extremely firm, clear, and resolute.

First, tell your mother about what has been happening, that he's a stalker, and that she BLOCK him on everything. Tell your flatmates about him and warn them that he may try to contact them, and that if he does, they should not engage with him, and to block him. Do the same with whomever he could contact.

Then send him a text such as:

"Hi Hisname, this relationship is not working for me and I am ending it. I wish you well in your life. Do not contact me again. Yourname"

Then BLOCK him on everything - phone, social media, email.

OP, it really doesn't matter what he thinks of you. Send him a message 'This friendship isn't working for me. I no longer wish to have contact with you. Please don't contact me'. You then block him. Please tell your therapist about this man, so they can help you navigate your feelings. He's not a nice person, he's picked up on your vulnerabilities and used them to control you.

Isn't it sad that some men even think it is acceptable to control and manipulate women over the bloody internet without even contact
Don't allow this op

I’m finding it increasing odd how much detail we are getting about this situation tbh.

@junkmaail thank you for your message but you don't have to read/ engage in it if you don't like it.

OP this is a no brainer - dump this loser, block him and ignore.

He's not your boyfriend - he's a controlling online lunatic who has no business telling you what to do.

Maybe take on your own advice, stop engaging with and then block this man….

Whenever I head out or go to the gym he will do the same.

Yeah, right.

Of course he doesn't!

He just carries on gaming from his bed. You don't honestly think this man goes to the gym?

Lololol.

Lol. How ironic.

So just to clarify you’ve never met him? Honestly there’s no point in these kind of online (romantic) relationships,
you don’t really know the other person and the longer it goes on it suggests that both parties are massively avoidant and don’t want a real relationship.

It’s fine to connect with someone online but the next step should be to meet them - until then you don’t really have a relationship.

I spoke to a 40 year old guy once who told me his last relationship was 4 years and he had only met his girlfriend in person the year before they broke up. Absurd!

But why is it impossible to break up Op? He lives far away it’s unlikely he would do anything or if you suspect he would report it to the authorities.

Also, he bought a flight for you but has he ever suggested coming to visit you?

ETA: I just seen your recent updates that you’re ready to break up with him - good. Many have posted their suggestions - all sound fine. Just keep it short as you say. Don’t worry too much about the wording as long as you communicate the message clearly and firmly.

Colin, I no longer want to receive any contact from you. Any attempt to contact me will be construed as harrassment and reported to the police.

This will be fine.

You do not need to bend yourself into shapes trying to be sympathetic, short, right, pleasing, or anything else other than very clear in your NO.

What he thinks of you is none of your business. If he thought you were the worst person in the world, insane, cruel, whatever, what would that matter? It wouldn't matter one bit.

He could be a woman for all you know
Have you watched sweet Bobby on Netflix ? Xxx

You are not responsible for his feelings.

You are not responsible for his emotions.

You are not responsible for his well being.

You are not responsible for whatever has gone on in his life previously that makes him think he can manipulate and blackmail you into doing something you are not comfortable with, in your case it is maintaining this very one sided relationship, (for other women / girls it has might mean taking part in acts of intimacy like taking photos ).

I think you , and your mum, need to block him on all platforms and try to find ways to make friendships in real life with warm blooded, breathing humans. Who knows, you might meet a real person who you want to have a real relationship with.

Let’s summarise:

• he is an unemployed 32yo
• he stays in bed most days
• he got an apartment from the government in Germany but his father is ‘rich’ 🤭
• he has a small penis but says it’s big 💘
• he is manipulative and controlling
• he demands your time and attention

how did you bag such a keeper op? How did you even find him? How is this absolute waste of oxygen able to poison your life like this? Honestly, get your arse in gear and just block the fucker and don’t look back. It’s that simple.

Thank you everybody and thank you for your advice. I messaged him to let him know I don't want to be contacted again. He did respond with what the fuck? But I'm not engaging in that. He can deal with it now. Thank you for your kind support, I really appreciate it.

Have you blocked him too, @Gasolinehorseys ?