asked me why I was playing with myself during sex!

[goodThingGonewrong]

Exactly as the title says. Dp suggested sex when we went to bed last night, when I said yes he said we couldn’t as I had my period. I told him it was finished then he said to have sex in the morning, I was a bit deflated by that. However 5 mins lasted he was guiding me to touch and go down on him. No foreplay for me so I did feel it a bit hard to get into on my side. We eventually had piv and even though I was wet, I did need some more stimulation so I started to play with my clit while he was inside me. He asked me once why I was playing with myself but I didn’t hear and he asked again. I just said because I enjoy it but recently there’s been no or little foreplay from him, I want to speak to him today, it needs to be addressed as things obviously didn’t feel right for him either.

Also so it’s not a drip feed he’s even asked me on the past to play with myself and vice versa…, it’s not a new thing. It just wasn’t in his request.

Looking for advice on how I bring this up so conversation openers and pointers would be good.

I have obviously name changed for this post:

Sorry but your Dp sounds like a bit of a tit. Was he annoyed that you were touching yourself? You could always ask that and then maybe explain to him how sex works haha

He didn’t want sex—he clearly wanted a BJ, innocently asking for sex, then saying you couldn’t because of your period. How very transparent of him. 🙄

If he asks why you’re touching yourself, a reply of “because you’re not stimulating me, so I’ll do it myself” will do.

@U53rName I think you are right because after the piv he said he had half finished inside me and wanted to come in my mouth. During the piv I am ashamed to say I faked it as I really was not stimulated to come after being asked not to play with myself. He did ask when we stopped when I came? So surely he knows I was faking it? I def don’t have a post sex glow this morning, that’s for sure!

I just want to broach this in a non confrontational way. Bit there is just other stuff and once the flood gates open I may not be able to control myself.

I actually feel really stupid now, he did just want a BJ.

For starters, my advice is to stop faking it. Roughly 15% of women can orgasm from PIV, and your DP clearly thinks it’s 100%.

Pushing your head down is ever so romantic!

Maybe it’s just me but if I was ever with someone who didn’t want to have sex because I was on my period then I wouldn’t be with them

I have really heavy period like blood bath heavy .., I wouldn’t really enjoy it though once or twice passion just won over this and we went ahead. I just feel a bit crap this morning. We are both wfh today so I am sure he will see it in my mood.

Aw bless you I’m sorry to hear that! I have PCOS and am lucky that the flow is quite weak usually. Lots of pain though, although the remedy seems to be orgasms 🤣 but I’m a single pringle

do you think you could just politely ask ‘did you just want a BJ last night?’

@OpalOwls sorry you are in pain and that one of the best cures is an orgasm. I hope you find someone soon to help you.

Yes I think I will just ask him politely if he just wanted a bj as I had to direct him towards piv. It’s good to get opinions on here though I feel so stupid and used in a way.

Thanks, one can hope but it’s not looking great 😅

I think you are fully valid in feeling that way, and if I were you I’d let him know that it’s not right and that you felt used

I will let you know how I get on. The heat isn’t helping me right now as feel like I feel quite emotional. There’s other stresses outside of the relationship with my dc at the moment. I feel let down because this is actually a time I need to feel loved and supported.

We have moved this thread to the Relationships board at the request of the OP.

He's just a selfish man who really doesn't care about what you are getting out of this. I'd be out of that relationship fast.

Yes I should have not wasted my time trying to have sex with him - seems I did not understand the memo, I am glad the post has given me some clarity.

He sounds absolutely grim. Does he have any idea how a woman’s body even works?
Listen, there can be odd rubbish attempt in any relationship but it seems you wanted some closeness as you are emotional, and he’s just wanted what he wanted.
Asking you that is really, really awful.

He sounds pretty clueless about sex and also about clear communication. I think if someone was having sex with me and genuinely asked ‘why are you playing with yourself’ I’d just give up immediately and go and read a book. Observing that your partner is touching themselves and commenting in a sexy way/asking to get involved/ telling them how erotic it is when they give themselves pleasure/ telling them it turns you on unbelievably to watch them - all good options. He is just acting like a dick and not in a good way.

I notice that youre quits concerned with not letting him know that hes not giving you a good time during sex.
You pretended to climax, and you want a non confrontational way?

He wanted a blow job, but asked for sex and then acted all weird about it.

Why cant you talk to each other about sex?

I would not be satisfying him again unless it’s reciprocated . No more bjs unless you’re getting something out of it too . He’s becoming (or may have always been ) selfish. Your pleasure is important too you ain’t just there to satisfy him .

And they would have dogged a bullet.

Good for them

That's pretty off putting on his part, I think you need to have conversation with him about this and how you need more stimulation when you have sex.

Touching yourself during sex isn't weird at all, I pretty much always use a vibrator on myself when OH and I have sex as I need clitoral stimulation at the same time, which is normal for the vast majority of women.

And don't fake it. If he carries on like this I'd seriously reconsider the relationship.

I agree I do think he was quite clearly just after a BJ, as an aside though surely a grown adult man knows that most women do require more than just PIV !

I honestly think in this porn saturated age, many don’t 😔