asked me why I was playing with myself during sex!

[goodThingGonewrong]

Exactly as the title says. Dp suggested sex when we went to bed last night, when I said yes he said we couldn’t as I had my period. I told him it was finished then he said to have sex in the morning, I was a bit deflated by that. However 5 mins lasted he was guiding me to touch and go down on him. No foreplay for me so I did feel it a bit hard to get into on my side. We eventually had piv and even though I was wet, I did need some more stimulation so I started to play with my clit while he was inside me. He asked me once why I was playing with myself but I didn’t hear and he asked again. I just said because I enjoy it but recently there’s been no or little foreplay from him, I want to speak to him today, it needs to be addressed as things obviously didn’t feel right for him either.

Also so it’s not a drip feed he’s even asked me on the past to play with myself and vice versa…, it’s not a new thing. It just wasn’t in his request.

Looking for advice on how I bring this up so conversation openers and pointers would be good.

I have obviously name changed for this post:

That's pretty off putting on his part, I think you need to have conversation with him about this and how you need more stimulation when you have sex.

This is absolutely not the issue. The issue is the op being used as just a hole for her ‘d’H’s Sexual gratification.

Ughhh
I would have said well you're not touching it so I have to if you want this to go anywhere!
I can't come from just PIV neither.

Thank you all for your support and solidarity.
@PeggyMitchellsCameo and @PermanentTemporary nail it for me.

As someone has said upthread, why can’t we just talk about sex? Good question. It’s usually me that brings something up of something has happened sex related that I’m not happy about ie if I’ve initiated and he’s turned me down.

So how do I broach this with him as a conversation opener please ? Because he knows something’s up with me. The biggest problem is we only discuss sex when there’s a problem but not in a healthy way like talking about what we’d like up try.

Yes exactly! I miss that bloody laughing emoji at times like this! 😅

You sound like you barely know each other and the incident was stilted and awkward.

I really miss it. I used it all the time! Probably because of people like me they got rid of it hahahaha

@NoelFaraday we’ve been together 5 years. I agree. Last night felt exactly like this, very disconnected. And I was confused as he’s suggesting sex, unsuggesting it then instigating a bj which I misread as sex. We’ve have plenty of amazing sex in the past. This was just all wrong.

Why didn't you say I didn't because you were not bothered about me. Does he always dictate?

Why are you even reading this if it’s below your standards. I came on here for advice not judgement and I don’t think what I’ve shared is “sordid”. It’s not a helpful comment!

So he lied about wanting to have sex... he only wanted you to pleasure him, so he's selfish and a liar.
He also asked you to stop doing something that would help you cut because he is again, selfish.
He wanted to come in your mouth and knew you hadn't come... selfish again.

Why would you stay with someone that just wants to use you and has no thought to your pleasure whatsoever?

Tell him op, tell him his dick wasnt making you feel good so you had to use your own fingers, because he's shit in bed and he can fuck off.

What a twat.

@jannier I didn’t know what to do .,, I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I was being kind to someone that was being selfish and didn’t deserve me to make him feel good! On reflection this is my thoughts on this. I am ashamed I didn’t have any backbone last night.

what are you on about? You’re on the relationship part of mumsnet… why is sex disrespectful to you?

@ohyesido please stop commenting and imposing your pearl clutching ways on others and especially on myself!

Woof

@OpalOwls I didn’t say sex was disrespectful. Sharing the intimate details of your sexual experiences in this level of detail shows a distinct lack of self respect

The only way to talk about it is to just do it really. I don’t have any specific advice about how to start that communication, it’s something my husband & I have always spoken about quite openly and honestly, I can’t remember who started that or when but neither of us has any shame really about having those chats. Sex- not just PIV but all sex- is such an intimate thing, it does require lots of trust, lots of communication, and lots of total honesty to be good for all involved.

Don’t fake orgasms, what’s the point? He thinks he’s done great so he has no incentive to do anything differently, so you end up continuing to have rubbish sex. Don’t worry about bruising his ego when he’s not worried about satisfying you!

Not all communication has to be a criticism, and it’s important to comment when things are good or were good too. We have tried things in the past which afterwards I have said actually that wasn’t great for me, could we try x or y, or even just lets not do that again, it’s absolutely never a criticism of my husband it’s just every body is different.

If he’s not open to communication, listening or trying then he’s not bothered about you enjoying your own sex life- only you can decide if that’s what you’re happy with but personally I’d say life is too short for shit sex.

But why does it though? Why is that a bad thing to share details?

Just wanted to say I’ve been in this situation before, and also went along with things and afterwards was left feeling confused and hurt.

So thank you for sharing as it’s helped me
read other people’s (nice) feedback and given me food for thought for any future occasions.