asked me why I was playing with myself during sex!

[goodThingGonewrong]

Exactly as the title says. Dp suggested sex when we went to bed last night, when I said yes he said we couldn’t as I had my period. I told him it was finished then he said to have sex in the morning, I was a bit deflated by that. However 5 mins lasted he was guiding me to touch and go down on him. No foreplay for me so I did feel it a bit hard to get into on my side. We eventually had piv and even though I was wet, I did need some more stimulation so I started to play with my clit while he was inside me. He asked me once why I was playing with myself but I didn’t hear and he asked again. I just said because I enjoy it but recently there’s been no or little foreplay from him, I want to speak to him today, it needs to be addressed as things obviously didn’t feel right for him either.

Also so it’s not a drip feed he’s even asked me on the past to play with myself and vice versa…, it’s not a new thing. It just wasn’t in his request.

Looking for advice on how I bring this up so conversation openers and pointers would be good.

I have obviously name changed for this post:

Wtf!’people are a disgrace

@Agapornis what you quote is a good reminder of how restricted my sex life can be. It’s a valid point and that time when he ignored me was really upsetting.

It wasn't one time. He's been ignoring you for years. Over time he's trained you not to expect better.

You resolved before you went on holiday that BJs would be off the table. Did you stick to that or did that change because he was being nice?

Holding you in my thoughts! You have been working through it step by step.

@Planesmistakenforstars they were off the table. We were intimate though nearly every day.which is normal for us, on beach holiday.

If i was @CCmumsnet boyfriend then I would treat her the same - why are you going to put effort in with someone who accepts the bare minimum?

she’s been moaning about him being rude, angry and argumentative yet they’re still having sex everyday? There is clearly little he can do to put OP off him, he knows she will never leave.

🙄

Look up the sunken cost phallacy. It feels like you have put a lot into this and you don’t want it to go to waste, and you are worried you’re not going to find someone else.

I had a similar relationship I posted about, where he was really selfish in bed and it made me feel like shit / affected my self esteem / body image etc.

I dumped him and it was the best decision. Now I feel really sick at the thought of him and can see a lot of abusive things in our relationship.

He will likely slide back into his old ways, he’s only upped his game because he thought you were going to walk. If he truly loved you and wasn’t selfish, he would treat you with kindness and respect all the time.

A selfish man in bed is going to be selfish in many ways.

“A selfish man in bed is going to be selfish in many ways”

This. A man who doesn’t care enough about you to pleasure you won’t be there for you during the hard times in life.

Because op is looking for advice??? On an anonymous forum! Go bother somone else

😲

It's not a rough patch it's a bad relationship. Complaining about you leaving him when he had COVID was fucking ridiculous. I'd also see it as a massive red flag because it follows the pattern of abusive men being entitled and no matter what you do, it's never enough. You're being appeased by small gestures like the massage and flowers but the overall picture is bad. 10% geood 80% mediocre and 10% is incredibly low expectations.

Yes I am with you on this. I see no value for either party in faking it. If he wanted a BJ he should have asked for one. I sometimes ask DH for oral and say i am going to be a selfish bitch as I just want to cum and go to sleep - but he knows the deal and can choose what he wants to do. And he has asked for a BJ as a stress relief before. You need to communicate what you want from what’s is for dinner to sex- makes life easier.

Sorry but he just sounds like a thick knob

If a guy did that it would be a red flag!

I don’t want it myself, my periods are heavy and sex makes it flow out. Both of us and the bed would be covered. I also wouldn’t d or t DH to go down on me. People have a right to be turned off by things.

Honestly OP, I think he’s change of heart may be short lived. He sounds selfish

Yeah OP, you're were wearing a short skirt so you must have asked for it...

You might want to change your profile name if you’re a bit prudish.

No it doesn't 🤷🏼‍♀️ If anything it's the opposite but if you're soooooo offended, why are you still here 👀

OMG! These creeps don't see the irony in that they clearly want to fulfil their own needs and have no interest in communication and connection. I feel so angry on your behalf.

why has the message from Daisy Chson been removed? Was it a bad message?

I’m reading and not ignoring the responses from this morning. There is some truth in it, it’s undeniable. I don’t have much more to say right now as thinking about some of the comments. So thank you.